Excerpt: Thinner Than Blood

It had been three weeks. Three weeks and she had yet to face her fears. Self-loathing burned in her gut, but her small hand refused to reach for the phone. Her previous dorm mates watched her with pitying eyes, hands clasping her trembling free hand.
“You can do it Antonia,” they said, “be strong and dial the number. We’ll be right here holding your hand the whole time.” The noise of the coffee shop buzzed around her and she found her thumb pressing the numbers that she knew by heart.
The ringing was ominous and she almost shut her cell phone with a clap; only the reassuring eyes of her college mates kept the phone pressed to her ear. Three rings in and Antonia was desperately hoping the call would go to voice mail; that way she would never have to hear the grating and disappointed voices of her parents as they shouted through speaker phone. She allowed herself to hope before her worst nightmare came true.
“Hello? Antonia, is that you?” The low voice of her mother struck instant fear into her heart and caused a lump of fear to lodge itself into her throat. She had to swallow hard a few times and squeeze her friends hands before she was able to speak.
“Hi Mom.” Despite her best efforts, her voice shook with the fear she was trying so hard to hide. “How are you? It’s been a while.” Ignoring the poijnted glares from her friends, she let her mother ramble on about her week, talking about the Smiths and how their block party had gone. the stalling tactic didn’t work very well as only a few minutes in the dreaded question came up.
“So how are you doing in college dear?” Her mother asked, voice perking up with the idea of hearing how well her daughter was doing. “You are taking classes even though the first year is over, right? Summer classes are good to keep you sharp.” Antonia could feel the blood draining from her face as she swallowed own hte lump that had resurfaced.
“Um, mom?” She practically whimpered, “That’s what I want to talk to you about. Can you get dad and go on speaker phone?” There was a confused silence and Antonia could almost hear the gears in her mother’s head turning, putting together the pieces she was sure she had left behind.
“Sure honey, I’ll get your father.” Her voice became muffled, likely from the hand Antonia knew she put on the receiver. “Richard! Come down and talk to your daughter. She wants to talk to us about something.” Though Antonia heard no reply, she could imagine the gruff response of her overbearing father. She held her friends’ hands in a white-knuckle grip, hoping beyond hope that a non-existent dead zone would pop up and disconnect the call.
“Help me guys!” She whispered past the receiver of her cell. “This is going to go horribly wrong.” There was a wall of dead silence and expectant stares that caused her to flinch back. She knew her friends were only trying to help, but her fear of her parents was far stronger than they seemed to think. The click that signified she was being put on speaker phone brought her back to the conversation she needed to have with her parents.
“What did you want to tell us dear?” Her mom’s voice now slightly distant, Antonia took a deep breath before closing her eyes to speak.
“I know you guys are very proud of me.” She said, her voice breaking at random intervals as she struggled to keep from bursting out in tears. “And that you expect a lot of me, especially since I’ve gone off to college out of town. I just... you guys love me, right?” the question was desperate; she wanted one more confirmation that she was safe before she took the plunge.
“Of course we love you!” Her parents exclaimed in unison, “We know you’re a smart girl and we’re very proud of what you’ve done and what you are going to be.” She fought back a cringe on hearing the conditions that labeled whom her parents would and would not love. Memories of her older sister’s heartbroken face almost destroyed her nerve, but she forged onward before she could back out.
“I had to drop out of college!” She rushed, her words almost tripping over each other to escape her stolen tongue. “I lied to you when I said I was doing well in my classes; I was failing almost every one of them and I’m so sorry, I know I’ve disappointed you and please say you still love me...” The tears she had tried to keep inside spilled forth, eliciting a comforting squeeze from her friends. She barely felt it as she waited for the response she had a sinking feeling would never come.
“... I hope this isn’t some kind of sorority prank you need to pull to get in.” Her father’s low and furious voice rang alone through the speaker. It was the last thing she wanted to hear, knowing what the response would be when she had to break it to him that she was telling the god honest truth.
“I would never joke around with that daddy.” She sobbed, her heart breaking into smaller pieces with each passing second of silence and condemnation.
“... Don’t call us again until you’ve decided to get your life on track and back into college.” The resounding click as he hung up the phone rang through her head. It almost didn’t connect that the dial tone was buzzing into her ear until one of her friends gently pulled the phone away from her ear.
“what did they say?” It was just a courtesy question; everyone at the table knew exactly what they had said. The look on Antonia’s face told no lies about what had been said. Antonia sat in stony silence for only a few moments before she burst out into body wracking sobs, for once not caring about the scene she was making in a public place.