Habit Of A Lifetime
an excerpt

“I fucking hate you,” Jimmy hisses in my ear as I am finally expelled from the bar minutes after doing a few lines in Jacoby's 'office', Johnny and Brian both having disappeared hours ago.

“Whatever man,” I reply, all too used to Jimmy's threats. “I'm sure Johnny will keep my bed safe at night.”

He glowers before his features twist into a malicious smirk. “Don't you mean Brian's bed?”

Jimmy is a fucking idiot, by the way. Everyone who has met him knows this fact.

“Don't you wonder where he sleeps when you're so fucked up you mistake him for Satan and throw him out of your house?”

I do, in fact, but I'm not going to let Jimmy know this.

“I'll give you one guess,” Jimmy smirks.

From the way this conversation is going, I do not even need one guess, and Jimmy knows this.

I shake my head slightly. “Dude, just don't.”

“What, you don't know, or you don't want to admit that you know?”

Jimmy isn't just an idiot; he is also an absolute bastard.

I know Johnny cheats on me. I know this. But I also know that I don't give him what he needs. So I find myself indifferent on my opinions on his sleeping around.

I am not happy about it; who would be? But I grit my teeth and stomach it, because I am that fucking afraid of losing him.

I would never in my life cheat on Johnny or Brian, when I was with him. But if my only redeeming quality in life is that I'm faithful to my current fuck, well, that doesn't really say much about me does it?

I think somewhere, in the dark depths of my mind, I knew Johnny was messing around with Brian. Although I denied it to myself, I always knew. Secretly, I was glad it was Brian. Despite his bravado, I know he would never, ever, hurt Johnny.

Plus, the idea that through Johnny, I am also perhaps getting a part of Brian I have long been denied is almost too much to comprehend. It's like getting a stunning gold bracelet, only to find it is encrusted with real diamonds; it's still perfect, yet somehow just that little bit more so, even though you're not sure it's possible.

Jimmy is still smirking at me, obviously believing he holds some great secret that I'm not quite clever enough to have figured out.

I can't even be bothered to listen to what he has to say and cut him off as he starts talking again. “Johnny will never be yours, you fuckwad, so you stay the fuck away from him!”

Jimmy snaps the door shut in my face before I have time to aim a punch.

I sigh before pulling my hood up and digging my hands in my pockets and heading home. It's only as I rummage around the insides of my pockets that I realise Jacoby has taken all the money I had.

I hate him.