The Beaker People
an excerpt

“It wasn’t Brahe’s nose. It was a pork scratching. A PhD student in the lab put it there as a joke.” It wasn’t how James had hoped his first conversation with the editor of Research would go, but he was nevertheless proud that he had managed to get the words out without laughing or crying.
Magnus dropped his gaze and appeared to be intently studying the assortment of retro executive toys on his desk. He swung four ballbearings on a Newton’s Cradle, and it made an ominous ticking noise which was all that could be heard for a few minutes.
“So what you’re saying,” said Magnus, “is that one of the most highly-publicised papers of last year, published in Research was entirely wrong?”
“I’m afraid so.” Now the words were actually out, James felt lightheaded and almost joyful. He realised he would sleep well tonight for the first time in months.
“And this paper, Dr Kipling, was wrong in such a way as to make not only yourself, your supervisor, your laboratory and your institution look stupid, but also wrong in such a way as to amage the reputation of Research, the world’s top journal?”
“I’m afraid so,” said James, “we will have to retract it.”
“Dr Kipling,” retorted Magnus, “allow me to explain something to you. Of postdoctoral scientists who have published in Research, 90% gain faculty positions. Of postdoctoral scientists who have not, the figure is 10%. Scientists gaining tenure at universities have, on average, two point three Research papers apiece and most of those ascribe their success to a successful publication record in Research. We are an influential organisation, Dr Kipling. In fact there are scientists the world over who would kill for a paper in Research.”
“I know yours is a very-“
“They include chemists, expert witnesses, forensic scientists, pathologists, microbiologists, epidemiologists, toxicologists and statisticians. Statisticians are surprisingly helpful when one needs to determine the feasibility of – an accident. ”
“I’m not quite sure what-”
“Dr Kipling, excuse my exasperation. I have had to have this conversation several times in my editorship. Scientists are so obtuse to hints! I will have to spell it out to you. If you retract that paper, I will have you killed.”
James dropped his teacup.
“Now we’re getting through to you. Dr Kipling, that paper will not be retracted and it will not be refuted, and you will see to it.”