A Kingdom For My Spleen.
an excerpt

Cactus was in dismay the moment he realised he left the most important piece of paper in the entire universe sitting on the kitchen counter. Well, not sitting per se, rather lying. For how can a piece of paper sit? Its backbone, or lack thereof, makes it much easier for a piece of paper to lie down.

This piece of paper, the paper that was the most important thing of its kind in the entire universe, was not used to being forgotten and if paper was capable of thought, its thoughts would be along the lines of “oh bother, I’ve been forgotten. What’s more, I can’t sit up.”

It is fortunate therefore that idle pieces of paper aren’t sentient, and not capable of rational thought. What a depressing world it would be! Never mind the violence, hatred, angst, deceit and mild headaches, whenever you are in the company of a piece of paper the only thing that could cheer you up would be a super sized chocolate thick shake. This would be great news for those people who sell chocolate thick shakes, but it would also entail high rates of obesity. A happy country would be a fat country, and an unhappy country would be a country dominated by paper.

Slurping down the remainder of his chocolate thick shake, Cactus tried desperately to recall what was on this piece of paper and exactly what made it the most important piece of paper in the entire universe. But that, my friends, is a story for another time.