Excerpt: The Wrath of Grapes

“So …” Brett began after he was served a freshly-made plate of food similar to Dr Jay’s. “Tennis. Anything important I need to know before we play?”

A knife and fork clattered to a plate. Silence.

Brett looked up. Dr Jay stared at him without blinking.

“What?!”

“You’ve never played?” Dr Jay’s voice came out like a squeaky wheeze.

“I’ve seen it on tv.”

“That,’s … “ Dr Jay could not quite find the words. It was like he was having a stroke before Brett’s very eyes. “That’s … not the … same?” Dr Jay took a deep breath. “Thing?”

“Seriously.” Brett cut up a slice of bacon and stacked it with a wad of scrambled egg then swirled it around in a wading pool of ketchup. “How hard can it possibly be? There’s a ball. A racquet. You swing one and hit the other. Presumably over the net. Repeat as necessary. Easy. Peasy.”

“Oh my god.” Dr Jay was coming out of his aphasia. The sentences were starting to come back as complete and cogent. “You really have never played before. I had no idea. We should have had a couple games before hand. We have to head out early and I need to get you at least a couple swings in. Get you a racquet. Show you how to serve.”

“Serve? Isn’t that the lob it up and grunt move?”

“Aaiiie!!” Dr Jay let out a scream. “No! It is not just a lob and grunt! There is technique! Strategy! It’s a thinking man’s game!”