Cupid vs. Casanova
an excerpt

Jack

It’s hard to work out when it all started, really. Maybe it was the gardening incident, or it could have been that pie shop, or maybe even my rather embarrassing head injury, but none of that seems important anymore. I haven’t said it out loud yet, but I think it’s time I shared my excitement.

I’m in love.

Well, there you go.

I never thought it would be that easy, actually.

Her name’s Maria, and she lives in the flat above me. Two weeks ago I heard the most ridiculously girly high-pitched scream, but it was frightening at the same time. Naturally, if someone’s in trouble, I’m on the scene straight away and ready to help, so I darted up the precarious looking stairs to investigate.
The screams hadn’t stopped. If anything they were getting worse…and they were coming from flat 3B. The new girl had just moved in a few days before, while I was away on business – some agricultural company or other – so I hadn’t had the chance to meet and greet her yet. Maybe right now wasn’t the best time. But the poor girl was clearly in need of help. So I knocked on the door.

Maria

Thank God he arrived to save the day. Almost the knight in shining armour valiantly rescuing the damsel in distress. Almost.
It’s not that I’m scared of spiders. I just hate them. Eight hairy legs – it’s not natural!
So I didn’t know him from Adam (actually, I met Adam two days before and he really wasn’t worth knowing, if you know what I mean) but I opened the door and shoved him into the tiny bathroom.
“Easy now, I’ve only just met you!” he exclaimed, a hint of actual terror in his really quite manly voice.
“Over there, in the shower,” I pointed.
“I don’t think there’s room for us both, love…ooooh-errr…I see…”
“Well sort it out then, you’re a man aren’t you?”
“Yeah… just a minute, you can’t be too careful, it could be… um… poisonous...”
“Do it now or I’ll stick this Dettol where the sun don’t shine!” I threatened.

That seemed to do the trick.
He was quite nice really. A little bit too in touch with his feminine side, but it’s nice that a man can be sensitive these days. He definitely isn’t a friend of Dorothy, which is always good news. But then again I do like a challenge…