Excerpt: Miranda Makes her First Million

Miranda clambered over the tower of sauerkraut jars. The kitchen floor was covered with stacks and stacks of hotdog packages. Her father was stuffing them into the fridge and freezer.

"But, Daddy, won't we get tired of hot dogs?"

"Don't be ridiculous, of course we won't. You love hot dogs."

Miranda frowned at the hordes of hot dogs. She didn't like them that much, especially not mirowaved. A plethora, that is to say an enormous amount, of buns covered the counters, and on top of the stove sat rows and rows of boxes of something. Her father saw her looking.

"Oh, that's breakfast, or did you think I'd serve you hot dogs, baked beans, and sauerkraut for breakfast?" Father laughed at his own joke.

Miranda didn't think it was funny considering that she was going to be eating them every night for dinner apparently. She squinted at the cereal. It wasn't fruit loops, frosted flakes, or sugar puffs, but… "Bran Wonder?"

"Bran is good for you," Mr. Tardangle said. "Or so it says on the internet. You'll like it I'm sure, plus it'll keep you regular. Make it easier to plunge the toilet after you go."

"Why don't you just fix the toilet, Daddy?"

"I'll get to it after the book's done. Say, be a doll, sweetie, and put away the rest of these hot dogs will you? I've got to get back to the old novel." He winked, slapped her on the shoulder, and slid around the plethora of buns to the study.

Miranda opened the fridge and wrinkled her nose. All the many containers of uneatable food and moldy bags of vegetables were still in it. Miranda sighed and turned to find the garbage can, only to find that her way was blocked by a wall made of jars of soy sauce.

"Daddy, what's the soy sauce for?" she called.

"Oh, the soy sauce was on sale," her father's voice called from the study. "It was too good a deal to pass up."

"But what will we ever use that much soy sauce for?" Miranda asked.

"Oh, it's useful for all sorts of things," her father said. "Rice and noodles and brushing your teeth."

"Brushing your teeth? Daddy, don't you mean baking soda?"

"No, no, soy sauce is good for your teeth, the internet says so."

Miranda shook her head. "I think you're mixed up, Father. It's burns soy sauce is good for, not teeth."

"I'm your father, I'm always right, sweetie, just put the hot dogs in the fridge and let me write."