Excerpt: The Man That Mistook A Corpse For A Coat Rack (and other Love Stories)

Fred pulled the corpse out of the box and stared at it with morbid fascination. He always thought he’d be repelled by the sight of a dead body, but this one wasn’t bad. In fact, in life, she was probably downright lovely. She wore a nude-colored long-sleeved leotard and tights—probably part of the embalming process he thought. Sort of like a modern day mummy in spandex.
He was surprised to find that she appeared to be fully poseable. He experimented by bending one arm and a leg. They moved the way he wanted them to and stayed in position. He started to step back to admire his handiwork and to consider the idea that was forming in his head. The body tipped forward and Fred caught her. He held her awkwardly in a pose that reminded him of those awkward slow dances back in high school.
“Fred!” called his wife. “What in heaven’s name do you think you’re doing?”
Fred pushed the body off of him and adjusted her legs so that she now stood properly. He couldn’t tell his wife that he was pretty sure that this lovely young thing had once been alive. It would only upset his wife’s fragile nerves. He cleared his throat and said, “This must be that other coat rack that the company sold.”
“Coat rack?” asked his wife.
Fred quickly moved the corpse’s arms so that they were positioned in a way that would allow coats to be draped across their arms. He pointed this out to his wife and then, to demonstrate, he took off his sweater and draped it over the corpse’s head.
“See? It’s one of those novelty things. We can dress her—I mean *it*, up however we want. Maybe a different outfit for each season.