Excerpt: Flying Sucks

Flying sucks. Let me just tell you right now, flying sucks. All this stuff you see on TV about people who can fly? Well that’s just crap. Flying completely sucks.

The only show that came close to getting it right was ‘The Greatest American Hero,’ which is a show you have never seen unless like me you spent a couple of weeks recovering from a broken leg in front of cable TV . It was about this guy who gets a ‘super suit,’ but loses the instruction manual that comes with it. So when he tries to fly, he rolls around screaming through the air until he slams into something. That’s a start.

I’ve been able to fly for a few years, since I was twelve. It started when I was sleeping: I had a flying dream that ended when I slammed into something, and woke up falling to the floor in my room. That was the freaky part; I woke up in the air. I flew across the room and woke up when I hit the wall, and the first thing I saw was my floor rushing up at me. I had a lot of Dragonball Z figures when I was little , and man, those hurt to land on.