Hi all,
In keeping with the past two years, we will once again be running the 'Worst Sex Scene' competition. The rules are simple, if your story involves a sex scene try and write the most cliched, corny sex scene you can possibly imagine and enter it into the competition.
As this is an All Ages forum, you can't actually post any sexual explicit material directly to the forum. So, if you want to enter the competition, post it somewhere else and then post a link to it here. If you don't have anywhere online to put it, let me know and I'll put it on my livejournal page and we can link to it there. Please note that I will not accept responsibility for anyone under the age of 18 reading any of this material. If you are under 18 and know that your parents/guardian would disapprove of you reading such things please do not click on any of the links.
The winner will be chosen on a purely democratic basis. There will be a vote on which scene people believe to be the worst, and this year, the winning author will receive a prize!
Louisa Mae has won the competition two times in a row now, so come on everyone, let's give her a run for her money this time around! :-)
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*Hugs*
Lottie
ML for Europe::England:: Cambridge
cambridge_england[at]nanowrimo[dot]org
2007: Rising Angels, Falling Apes - ??
2006: An Ordinary World - 84k+
2005: Dreaming of Jack - 83k+
71,343 / 50,000
oct. 30, 2007 - 09 22
Oh ghods, don't encourage them! My characters are taking over my brain as it is - they've already got so bored with waiting for NaNo to start that they've started shagging IN MY HEAD in FULL TECHNICOLOUR in spite of the fact one of them isn't the same species as the rest and one is *really* not someone I ever wanted to see naked!
If they start behaving like they're justified in making me *knowingly and with malice aforethought* write excruciating sex scenes as well I think I'll commit seppuku...
160,056 / 50,000
oct. 31, 2007 - 05 09
But, but, but,... porn is a recognised way of increasing your word count. You'd be amazed how long you can keep it up for...
Okay, scratch that last sentence.
Seriously, sex scenes are a real boon if you're struggling to get your word count for the day. You can use an awful lot of words describing not very much! :-)
Plus it gives everyone a good laugh of course, which is always a plus. :-)
71,343 / 50,000
oct. 31, 2007 - 10 52
I'm taking this far too seriously, aren't I :-)
38,962 / 50,000
nov. 2, 2007 - 19 29
OK, I'll tell you about a scene from my last novel. One of my characters was a writer and while his girlfriend was giving head, he put a notepad on her forehead and started to write. An awful, tawdry, crap scene and I cracked up while I was writing it, in the library.
25,592 / 50,000
nov. 2, 2007 - 19 34
I now have that image in my head and can't stop laughing!
38,962 / 50,000
nov. 3, 2007 - 04 29
Thank you?
50,152 / 50,000
nov. 5, 2007 - 07 45
Worked for me last year, when I was getting bored and tired. But I'm afraid it was too tasteful a sex scene to have even a hope of winning. Probably because it didn't involve the gay rent boy who will shag anything with a willy.
Sadly, one of the characters involved in said scene was written out in revisions, so the world will never get to find out... ;)
57,602 / 50,000
nov. 10, 2007 - 15 00
I'm writing my entry tonight, but I don't know if it's bad enough yet, so I'm not posting it straight away. These things can be done too prematurely you know :)
57,602 / 50,000
nov. 18, 2007 - 14 26
OK, here is my entry for this year
http://louisamaenanowrimo.wordpress.com
but we need at least one more entry, preferably lots, come on people!
50,152 / 50,000
nov. 29, 2007 - 07 19
I daren't even look *blush*
Judging by the standards of previous years, I have absolutely no chance. Tasteful seduction scenes - no problem. Bad sex - not a hope in Hell. Call me an old romantic if you like, but my Muse just isn't that way inclined...
Perhaps I can mock and jeer at the rest of you slackers (you know who I'm talking about, guys!) for not taking up Martha's gauntlet :-)
160,056 / 50,000
nov. 29, 2007 - 16 22
Hi all,
Okay, I have finally taken the plunge (phnar, phnar) and my entry can be viewed here:
http://loriba-nano.livejournal.com/
Sorry about the dreadful formatting. Actually no, I'm not sorry as it just increases it's overall awfulness! :-)
We'll leave the deadline for more entries open until midnight tomorrow, after which I'd appreciate some votes on which is worse.
Thanks,
Lottie
52,361 / 50,000
nov. 29, 2007 - 17 10
Hi Lottie,
"... her breasts were dangling free like a cow just before milking."
After a sentence like this, how can you maintain that what you're writing is not lit fic? \8)=
I think you have permanently cured me of my bovophobia!
--PB
57,602 / 50,000
nov. 30, 2007 - 04 45
I knew the handbag was going to come in handy... :P
50,024 / 50,000
nov. 30, 2007 - 05 12
I have 10k to go. If I have time I might try and wirite an entry for this. After all, I know I can't write *good* sex scenes, right?
52,503 / 50,000
nov. 30, 2007 - 09 37
Yeah, more camel mounting - that'll do it :-X
(Although your signature's disappeared again for me. That's one thing that I hope they get sort out before next year!)
52,503 / 50,000
nov. 30, 2007 - 13 05
OK, I've had a bash. It's not very good, but it's not really bad either - not compared with those two startling examples of the genre! But for completeness' sake (and because it gave me a few extra words!), it's up on my site here.
57,602 / 50,000
nov. 30, 2007 - 13 39
and what a bash !
come on folks we want more, it really does help your word count go up
(the computer obviously agrees with me )
57,602 / 50,000
nov. 30, 2007 - 13 31
and what a bash !
come on folks we want more, it really does help your word count go up
160,056 / 50,000
nov. 30, 2007 - 17 45
Hiya,
We have had two more late entries into the competition, which I have posted on my nano blog. You can find them here:
http://loriba-nano.livejournal.com/
Yes, one author was so ashamed of their entry that they didn't want to put their name to it. I do know who it is though and if you bribe me with alcohol and chocolate I may be persuaded to tell! :-)
Votes for the winner are now invited. Please leave a comment in this thread. You have 48 hours to get back to me before I announce the winner. That should be plenty of time now that we all have so much free time on our hands... :-o
Lottie
52,481 / 50,000
nov. 30, 2007 - 18 07
I'd like to vote for Loriba's entry :)
52,361 / 50,000
déc. 1, 2007 - 05 14
I also cast my Mooh! for Loriba. The problem with Arathalion's was that it was so bad, it was good. The problem with LM's was that I have repressed all memory of it, twice. The problem with John's is that I still don't get the pencil reference. And sex scenes with knights and maidens just don't do it for me, although this one was actually quite good, so it just wasn't bad enough.
--PB
57,602 / 50,000
déc. 1, 2007 - 13 39
It's great to see the gamut of possibilities of horrendous uproariously gratuitously awful sex scenes imaginable. I loved Mrs Robinson and the pencils but I'd have to go with the one which made me laugh so much I couldn't actually read it properly first time round - so Lottie gets my vote if I can vote.
71,343 / 50,000
déc. 2, 2007 - 07 44
I'm voting Shadowlover, partly for courtly dominatrix threesomes but mostly on the strength of the "rampant rampart" line. It made me yell "Woohoo!" out loud :)
52,503 / 50,000
déc. 2, 2007 - 08 59
Hmm. It's a hard one (as the actress said to the bishop) but I think I'll have to go with Lottie's effort. LouisaMae's was grim but lacked the multiple unfortunate food references. Shadowlover's was just too tasteful (second year running we've had a knights in armour entry that suffered that defect!). I obviously can't vote for my own (and wouldn't anyway). And as for Anonymous - words fail me!
Kudos to all entrants though (no pun intended). Is this a record performance?
50,024 / 50,000
déc. 2, 2007 - 13 02
If I am still in time, I woudl like to vote for Loriba's entry. It's the mints that did it for me...
50,418 / 50,000
déc. 2, 2007 - 15 10
Well, I've finally read them (and laughed).
I'm going against the trend though, as I vote for the effort by Louisa Mae.
PurpleDaisy
102,337 / 50,000
déc. 3, 2007 - 00 35
I still can't decide between Lottie's use of cringeworthy language and John's well written nightmare! Two different aspects of 'worse' LOL
160,056 / 50,000
déc. 3, 2007 - 02 57
I've just realised that I haven't voted.
It's a tough one this. On the one hand, Anonymouse's entry is incredibly bad, but it's so bad that it's actually good. Whereas LM's entry just made me want to crawl up into a ball in the corner and cry with sheer embarassment.
So, I think I have to vote for Louisa Mae.
Voting's open until midnight tonight guys. :-)
130,341 / 50,000
déc. 3, 2007 - 14 16
Eeurgh, I soooo did not want to have to read those things over again in order to vote....
Mister Anonymous's was the most fun, but my vote's for Loriba's thing - it was *horrible*! ;-)
160,056 / 50,000
déc. 4, 2007 - 09 09
Hmm,
Not sure of the protocol for this event, but it appears that I have to delare myself the winner of the Worst Sex Scene competition of Nano 2007.
Yes I do feel suitably ashamed of myself. :-)
Thanks very much to the entrants. Five is the most we've ever had in the competition which is great. Let's hope for even better (if that's the correct word in this case) things next year. Better start planning now!
Thanks also to everyone who managed to get through them all, and yet still had the capacity to vote. :-)