Mostly, over the past few days, when I happen to catch what I have just written, I cringe. Some of it's OK. But most of it is either too overly expositiony, or too this-is-something-I-need-to-expand-later,-make-it-sound-vague-and-important-now or very characterless dialogue - a lot of characters dialogue are boring information dumps, or repetitive bad bad writing. But today, today my two MCs just had a conversation that ... well they actually had one that wasn't a plot dump or there to boost my words. They talked. And they very quietly don't hate each other any more, and this time I believed it. And it was awesome.
----------
- Ness -
83,099 / 50,000
nov. 7, 2009 - 04 10
It's always nice when that happens.
:)
----------2005, 2006, 2007 - WON
2008 - FAILED
2009 § The Sidereal Rose
http://thesiderealrose.blogspot.com/
28,020 / 50,000
nov. 7, 2009 - 04 12
I had that on Friday night. It's one of those moments where you think, "hey, I can actually write, can't I?!"
----------81,295 / 50,000
nov. 7, 2009 - 04 28
That's so wonderful :) Care to share an excerpt? I'd love to read it!
I have a bit that I loved as well, if anyone wants to read . . . ?
\m/ Kat
----------Banner thanks to AmaiRose
Sources:
http://axeraider70.deviantart.com/art/Life-Brushes-83812716
http://rabidwire-stock.deviantart.com/art/Roadie-21-8456620
83,099 / 50,000
nov. 7, 2009 - 05 01
I'd be interested, Kat. As soon as I polish up my Prologue, I'm planning on uploading it, or part thereof to my Nano profile.
Currently filling in five paragraphs of info I skipped over on Day #1. Unfortunately they're turning into length descriptions. Good but lengthy.
----------2005, 2006, 2007 - WON
2008 - FAILED
2009 § The Sidereal Rose
http://thesiderealrose.blogspot.com/
28,020 / 50,000
nov. 7, 2009 - 05 07
I think you meant to write "Good AND lengthy." Being lengthy can only be a good thing, right now!
----------81,295 / 50,000
nov. 7, 2009 - 05 19
LOL @ bean :D
Actually, I just discovered a thread in the NaNo Ate My Soul subforum called Say Something Nice about the above poster's excerpt, and I wanted to say something nice so I had to post an excerpt . . . 'tis in my profile. The lovely lady reading my drivel as I go along said that this shone out as the best bit so far . . . enjoy :)
\m/ Kat
----------Banner thanks to AmaiRose
Sources:
http://axeraider70.deviantart.com/art/Life-Brushes-83812716
http://rabidwire-stock.deviantart.com/art/Roadie-21-8456620
52,107 / 50,000
nov. 7, 2009 - 05 31
I just found the 'Dear _______' thread in nano ate my soul.
Freaking Hilarious.
The whole bit I wrote is kinds long and not magic out of context, but I will share the exchange that made me realise they were talking and I wasn't typing...
“Did the demon poison you?”
“Everyone keeps asking me that. Is this something that maybe should’ve been mentioned to me before I set out?”
she shrugged.
“hey, you drink something a demon offers you, you deserve to be poisoned.”
You must share now... That is an order.
----------- Ness -
81,295 / 50,000
nov. 7, 2009 - 05 36
Yeah, context would be nice, but that last line is punchy and brings it home beautifully. Mine is in my profile now, but here goes:
As they steamrolled from one original number to the next, a few locals approached Dave to quiz him about the band. They were drawn, evidently, by his obvious physical affinity with them - they had to be about the only five blokes not wearing jeans and boots, and certainly the only ones with long hair. But the locals were generally friendly and curious, and although they expressed distaste for the music they didn't seem to mind just standing around watching and listening to it. This was a strange thing for Dave, because there was no way on God's green earth he'd stand around and listen to a country gig if he could in any way help it. The crowd were generally easygoing and could appreciate that Bohemian Maggot were doing a really great show.
The four of them were filling their usual roles. Rabbit, out the front, was the showman of them all, jumping about and using his guitar as a prop as much as an instrument, the rabbit's foot swinging wildly as he lashed left and right with the guitar. His curly black hair hung over the neck of it as he really shredded the solos, and he made great use of the small stage space, leaping from amp to amp and generally drawing all attention. The other three framed him in their own ways. Dan moved around a little, not quite as energetically as Rabbit, but in his own solo parts (graciously written in by Rabbit himself, as the only songwriter in the band) he let loose and pulled a few moves. Dave noted with surprise that Dan was drawing easily as much female attention as Horse. The latter stood unmoving at left stage, his bass guitar slung low on his narrow shoulders, face grim and hands moving precisely, gracefully over his four strings. He looked heroic, beautiful. Behind him was the powerhouse of the whole group, little megawatt Edge, bashing aggressively at his kit. HIs face was a divine comedy of exultant, extreme emotion as he dragged the rhythms from the drums and fed them through the guitars in an orgy of sound that crushed the punters in its force.
This was metal. This was the animal that drew these five unlikely companions together and united them in a single epic cause, and Dave felt his heart swell in his chest to meet the stirring strings and call to arms that raced from the drums. He gazed around the crowd, looking avidly for converts; they were all too few, as at every gig. He couldn't understand, and likely never would, how people could hear those tones and not respond with their heart and soul.
Sorry it's so long. Just fade out if you like :)
\m/ Kat
----------Banner thanks to AmaiRose
Sources:
http://axeraider70.deviantart.com/art/Life-Brushes-83812716
http://rabidwire-stock.deviantart.com/art/Roadie-21-8456620
28,020 / 50,000
nov. 7, 2009 - 05 40
My character is hearing from one of her two closest friends, a description of how her mother dealt with the loss of the twins (aged 4). Reub (the MC) has never really found out exactly what happened, and her parents have never talked to her about it. Her friend, Evie, is telling her something she overheard Reub's mother saying, when she is describing how she felt after they had gone:
I held the bread that Lore had given me in my hand, and I thought about my mother, sobbing for her little boy, and I wished I could tell her right then how much I ached for him too.
28,020 / 50,000
nov. 7, 2009 - 05 42
Kat, I read the excerpt and the synopsis in your profile, and I have to say, your novel sounds like it lends itself to much hilarity. I hope it's supposed to! That was just how I read it.
Ness - totally agree. What are you thinking if you accept a drink from a demon?!
----------81,295 / 50,000
nov. 7, 2009 - 05 46
Not to me, anyway. But then, see above.
I like yours a lot. It almost made me cry. The crying gene, that's sure not missing LOL
\m/ Kat
----------Banner thanks to AmaiRose
Sources:
http://axeraider70.deviantart.com/art/Life-Brushes-83812716
http://rabidwire-stock.deviantart.com/art/Roadie-21-8456620
28,020 / 50,000
nov. 7, 2009 - 06 11
It almost made me cry.
Woot! That's what I'm after!!
----------83,099 / 50,000
nov. 7, 2009 - 06 19
I think you meant to write "Good AND lengthy." Being lengthy can only be a good thing, right now!
No, no. It was definitely supposed to be a BUT. You see I'm beginning to tire of my epilogue. But I am determined to get it finished. And considering half of it is decent writing I want the whole of it to be decent writing.
Thankfully, I have digital copies of a whole load of White Wolf books which are just perfect for finding snippets of inspiration that I can slot into my novel.
----------2005, 2006, 2007 - WON
2008 - FAILED
2009 § The Sidereal Rose
http://thesiderealrose.blogspot.com/
83,099 / 50,000
nov. 7, 2009 - 06 37
Okay.... let's see... what I can find that will make sense to the casual observer who is not so well acquainted with my world, as I happen to be.
....
Morgaine le Faye, smiled in awe at the portal that she had created with her own hands. She had not meant to of course. She never really meant to do anything. But it might be fun to see what was on the other side. The remaining soldiers were only now beginning to group together. Mordred had now put his sword into its sheath and picked up Arthur’s own sword from where it lay on the ground. Excalibur. Oh the power that this sword held. He wounded what it would feel like to weild this sword in battle. Soon, he thought to himself, he would probably know. He heard Arthur groan at his feet. “Mine now, Father. You no longer have a use for it,” he said, laughing wickedly.
“Darling,” Morgaine le Faye said, wrapping her arms up around her son, in what, in Morgaine le Fayes world, passed for a hug. She glanced briefly down at the wounded Arthur.
“What shall we do with him?” she asked softly.
“Gift him to the Priestess of the Lake. The ladies there will know how to tend to him. And then no one can ever accuse you of deserting him.” Mordred said, with a shrug.
Morgaine le Faye smiled sweetly, he was such a compassionate child, when he wanted.
“So what do we do about that?” Mordred asked, looking towards the glowing portal.
----
And, on that note? What the hell?.... seriously, Morgaine, I liked you better (in the above paragraph) than I do in everything that you feature in later on....
Oh and before anybody asks, this taken from Chapter One. On second look, at my Epilogue, it just seems rather underdone. Which is completely disheartening.
----------2005, 2006, 2007 - WON
2008 - FAILED
2009 § The Sidereal Rose
http://thesiderealrose.blogspot.com/
81,295 / 50,000
nov. 7, 2009 - 16 03
Rhiannon, your characters are evil. They're evil with a depth of evil that defies understanding.
I like. :D Mordred was always a spoilt turd, anyway.
I wrote a little bit of dialogue with my band members getting into the van the morning after the first gig, and having a go at the lead singer for not showering. He believes, truly, that he "doesn't get BO", which is, needless to say, quite laughable. Here's what the second-main character had to say about that:
Thought I'd better clean it up, but I'm sure you can all replace as needed :) Just wanted to share, I thought that was a good line when I re-read this morning :)
\m/ Kat
----------Banner thanks to AmaiRose
Sources:
http://axeraider70.deviantart.com/art/Life-Brushes-83812716
http://rabidwire-stock.deviantart.com/art/Roadie-21-8456620
53,504 / 50,000
nov. 7, 2009 - 18 23
Rhiannon - EPIC! Love it.
Climbing bean - I second the crying. Wow. It's so simple, and/but so strong.
Kat - you nailed the gig! And I have a crush on your Horse character already. Write more about him!
Usually I can scrape together something from my WIP that is readable, but this year, I'm struggling to find even small conversations that work. And yet I think overall, the writing is better than usual. There are just no bright gems yet. But just to prove I'm not completely cheating with my alien character -
"Really?" I ask, looking back and forth between the two.
"Yes, it was red paint," says Damian.
"So you've known each other for - fifteen years?"
"Fifteen years too long," says Claudia, and Damian leans across the table and kisses Claudia on the cheek. She smiles at him - clearly they love each other madly.
That's it, I'm totally jealous. I don't even remember the names of the kids I went to primary school with.
"'Course, we first knew we were absolutely best friends - "
"Damian - " says Claudia, with a hint of warning in her voice.
" - in year nine - "
"Damian!"
" - Claudia was dating this lovely boy, and I was dating this awful girl - "
"Damian."
I look at Damian with wide open eyes. Go on!
" - and we realised that we liked each other's boyfriend - girlfriend - better."
"Oh lord," says Claudia, hands covering her face, as if remembering something particularly painful.
"What happened? Did you - um - swap?" I ask.
"No. Actually, it ended rather badly after that. Sorry Clauds, I forgot about that."
"Yeah, well."
"I have to pee!" With that, Damian leaps out of the booth, making his escape to the men's room at the back of the cafe.
Nanowrimo. There is no substitute for quantity.
81,295 / 50,000
nov. 7, 2009 - 19 09
Amy - I like it. It's simple, it's strong, and it makes me feel like I'm there, living it. Most of my prose puts a wall between the reader (me, so far LOL) and the action, for some reason. (I think the wall is built of adjectives.) Seriously, if that's the kind of punchy, witty, rollicking stuff you're doing, well . . . ur doin' it right!
\m/ Kat
----------Banner thanks to AmaiRose
Sources:
http://axeraider70.deviantart.com/art/Life-Brushes-83812716
http://rabidwire-stock.deviantart.com/art/Roadie-21-8456620
52,107 / 50,000
nov. 7, 2009 - 19 27
This was metal. This was the animal that drew these five unlikely companions together and united them in a single epic cause, and Dave felt his heart swell in his chest to meet the stirring strings and call to arms that raced from the drums. He gazed around the crowd, looking avidly for converts; they were all too few, as at every gig. He couldn't understand, and likely never would, how people could hear those tones and not respond with their heart and soul.
that's gold. seriously.
And, Bean that is very tear worthy. the little buttons? Heartbreaking. I don't know why but little buttons seem so much sadder than anything else.
Rhi - poor arthur, they just totally don't care do they. love it.
That's it, I'm totally jealous. I don't even remember the names of the kids I went to primary school with.
hahaha thats awesome, and clever and very sweet. I like how however they got together - it wasn't a traditionally nice way either.
- Ness -
----------- Ness -
83,099 / 50,000
nov. 8, 2009 - 01 06
Thanks everyone. Mordred and Morgaine both turn into saps the moment they step through the portal. *is sad*
Meanwhile, I picked up a typo in the excerpt I gave... stupid ms word doesn't know the difference between wounded and wondered. I right, that's because they were spelled correctly.
Next invention, a word processor that actually knows what you are writing so it can determine mistakes in the words you are writing. LOL
----------2005, 2006, 2007 - WON
2008 - FAILED
2009 § The Sidereal Rose
http://thesiderealrose.blogspot.com/
64,462 / 50,000
nov. 8, 2009 - 02 12
Oh, I really like what everyone has posted here from their work. It makes me wish that I had more meaty parts in mine that I thought were good. The closest I've come so far is the following:
“He seems to believe that she is the key to his plan. Although I have not yet been able to find a single person who knows what that plan is, and when I do manage to receive some information, it always contradicts something else that I have been told. Gabriel is either very smart, and sending out false information to keep us chasing ducks; or else highly paranoid, and keeping his cards close to his chest. After the disturbance in town today, Drake was sure that Gabriel had found them, but thanks to you, they managed to escape unseen. It was a very good thing that you did today, Casandra, without even realising it. You have done me proud.” A lump formed in my throat, and I had a hard time distinguishing if it was from his compliment or because he was edging very close to a tear in my emotional fabric. A little too close for my liking.
81,295 / 50,000
nov. 8, 2009 - 02 53
It's very intriguing, I must say! Your story sounds impressively complicated, unlike mine which is depressingly simplistic :D LOL
I might try for something a little more challenging plot-wise next time around!
\m/ Kat
----------Banner thanks to AmaiRose
Sources:
http://axeraider70.deviantart.com/art/Life-Brushes-83812716
http://rabidwire-stock.deviantart.com/art/Roadie-21-8456620
64,462 / 50,000
nov. 8, 2009 - 03 31
Thanks, Kat! I'm actually really really stuck at the moment, and strangely, it's the simplistic moments that I'm finding very hard to write (which has never been a problem in the past).
920 / 50,000
nov. 8, 2009 - 03 45
Next time? You mean January? :p
----------When words writing one important order is the is.
81,295 / 50,000
nov. 8, 2009 - 03 53
I'm gonna need some escapism.
\m/ Kat
----------Banner thanks to AmaiRose
Sources:
http://axeraider70.deviantart.com/art/Life-Brushes-83812716
http://rabidwire-stock.deviantart.com/art/Roadie-21-8456620
81,295 / 50,000
nov. 11, 2009 - 17 10
More love :D Not that I'm narcissitic or anything. This is my poor MC, who's gotten himself in pretty deep here. He's got to take over the lead singer role in the band, and agreed to it without thinking it through. This is stage fright :D (and quite gross, so be warned!) LOL
"No you don't."
"Seriously, Horse, pull over, man. I'm gonna blow chunks."
"You're fine."
"Stop the ****ing van!"
Horse braked hard for the second time that day, managing to bring the brick-shaped van to a zippy halt, but it was only just quick enough for Dave. He lost his lunch as he opened the door, falling onto the grass and weeds of the verge on his hands and knees, mercifully missing the puddly mess that came out. He knelt there for a few minutes, listening to the silence in the van that said his friends were trying not to split their sides laughing at him, and retching weakly.
\m/ Kat
----------Banner thanks to AmaiRose
Sources:
http://axeraider70.deviantart.com/art/Life-Brushes-83812716
http://rabidwire-stock.deviantart.com/art/Roadie-21-8456620
53,504 / 50,000
nov. 13, 2009 - 01 04
\m/ Kat
Did someone mention the word 'rollicking'? This is the kind of writing I like - fast, aware, and irreverent :D Keep going!
Meanwhile in the land of self-love, my characters are breaking my heart, one (cliched) bust up at a time.
(Language warning - I starred out the vowels. You'll never know what I actually wrote!
Also, emo warning - this is teen angsty. Sigh.)
I'm walking along at uni, first lecture's in twenty minutes, I'm cool, I have a cute boyfriend, I'm all pretty and stuff. Life - unexamined as it is - is sweet.
And then all of a sudden I feel these hands on my shoulders, really gripping me, and I get spun around - and I'm face to face with Claudia.
And she ain't pretty. She's angry and stern and absolutely flaming gorgeous.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Hi," I say, weakly, but she's having none of it, and I can feel my resolve slipping immediately.
"Go on, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Have you been sick? Did one of your relatives die? Did you get hit by a bus and suffer temporary amnesia?"
"No. None of those things."
"Then - what?" Claudia looks genuinely bewildered and hurt.
"I don't know."
"You never know, do you, Dorothy? Sh*t!" She lets go of my shoulders, and looks away for a minute, like she can't stand the sight of me. I'm getting to hate myself by this point, let me tell you. Claud turns back, and continues.
"I don't mean to sound - but I'm - I've called you a million times. I've sent you a hundred text messages, a hundred emails, and if your parents weren’t so righteously scary I’d be camping out on your door step right now, but instead, I have to run into you by accident at uni just to f*cking talk to you. What's going on?"
Nanowrimo. There is no substitute for quantity.
81,295 / 50,000
nov. 13, 2009 - 01 12
Aaww, Amy! Now I wanna know what's going on! I giggled at "all pretty and stuff" :D that's good. I love that, it's a great passage.
And the word "rollicking" actually features - wait a sec - oh, I give up, but at least twice so far :D in my story. Yes, I rather like it. The word, that is. The story too, come to think of it :D
\m/ Kat
----------Banner thanks to AmaiRose
Sources:
http://axeraider70.deviantart.com/art/Life-Brushes-83812716
http://rabidwire-stock.deviantart.com/art/Roadie-21-8456620
52,107 / 50,000
nov. 13, 2009 - 19 36
Ha I got a great mental of that picture. Poor Dave. So awesome.
- Ness -
----------- Ness -
52,107 / 50,000
nov. 13, 2009 - 19 38
And she ain't pretty. She's angry and stern and absolutely flaming gorgeous.
Love this line. so much. Flaming Gorgeous. that's just awesome.
- Ness -
----------- Ness -
30,052 / 50,000
nov. 14, 2009 - 08 16
Feedback time. Here's the prelude, what do you think?
...
Prelude
This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.
Sam Jacobs buried himself deeper into the coarse sand beneath him, his breath shallow, his heartbeat on the rise. It had been too long, the back up was nowhere to be seen, and time was running out.
“I should have packed sun cream” his partner chuckled between bloody breaths, his wound deeper than first thought.
“God damn it, Ryan, shut up” Sam whispered, rifle held firmly to is chest. The heat wasn’t helping his temper.
“Come on Cap. You know as well as I do that they can’t afford to send another force down here. It’s too risky.”
“Shut up or I’ll kill you myself,” Sam growled, “We can make it to the wall from here ourselves. You’ve just got to keep it together.”
“Easy for you to say.”
A low hum drifted over the hill before them, caught between the warm breeze. It was the sound that Sam dreaded, of the enemy closing in. He held his breath as he stole a peek just over the top of the dune. His fears were confirmed by what he saw.
“When I say move, you get the hell up, understand?”
Ryan reluctantly nodded. “What are you going to do?”
Sam shifted his position, the rifle out in front of him.
“Are you kidding? You can’t fight them off!” Ryan pleaded.
“No, but I can buy us some time.”
The hum came closer. Sam gathered his nerves, his targeting sensor focused and ready. Holding his breath again, he picked himself up, and before anyone had a chance to react, two sniper shots rang out, collecting Sam’s prey cleanly.
“Move” he shouted, gathering Ryan into his arms just as the heavy vehicle transport lurched forward, crashing through what remained of their hiding place. He didn’t look back as another familiar sound caught his ears, the eery high pitched tone of an enemy blaster. Ignoring it, he forced the two of them forward as fast as he could, lungs burning from the exertion, legs nearing a jelly state. His entire body was so disjointed by pain, it took him a few moments for the recoil of the blaster directly into his back to finally take hold.
The two humans fell back to earth in a crumpled heap. He couldn’t feel a thing now, the remnants of his senses were quickly shutting down. He forced his head around, in time to see the horror in Ryan’s face, and the deathly shadow engulfing them both.
“Told you so” Ryan mouthed.
Sam tried to scream “Nooo!”
—
“Nooo!”
He awoke, startled and unsteady. It took him a few seconds to realise where he was, sitting up in bed within his family home, far beyond any war scene or desert plain. It took him even longer to settle back down, the cold sweat cascading down his back.
What seemed like only days ago had become just a dream to him now, but it was this very dream that had taken him this far. Redemption, he knew, was in his and only his hands. Pity, he thought, that no-one else could know about it. Not yet, at least.
Sighing, he slipped out of the uncomfortable sheets to the desk in the other corner of the cramped room and searched in the dark for the desk lamp. As his eyes adjusted, he removed a small diary from the bottom drawer. Within it lay his battle plans, though for now they were mere unkempt notes that needed far more work than he had time for. On one particular page was a collection of small lines, each one marking the days that had gone by. Etching another to the record, he sat back in his chair.
“God help me.”