After the Fact
an excerpt

Raziya.

She flinched at the cold, breathless hiss of her daemon, flinched to hear how the rakshasa breathed her name, like a lover. Her muscles tensed; she dug her nails into the food scraps, and shoveled them from the jar to the compost bin with a kind of violence.

Raziya, do not be angry with us. We have not spoken with you in some time. We... miss you.

A sharp retort surfaced in her mind, but she slammed it back, she corrected it; she felt her body beginning to shudder vehemently, as though she had risen from a icy pool and there was air upon her naked skin.

“I… I don’t want to… talk… talk to you,” she whispered.

Raziya. Why not?

“Please…” Her nails scraped the glass bottom of the jar.

If you fear us for yesterday’s… misfortune… Raziya, don’t be frightened. You know what we did... yesterday... was vital. Vital to our surival. Your survival. We must preserve our face - we must act normal in this mortal place. Surely you understand.

“You said you wouldn’t ever do that!” she burst out, snapping upright. In her anger, her frustration, and terror, she stumbled and lost hold of the jar. It tumbled onto the gravel.

“You said you would never do that again!” she repeated, stepping backward. Her boots scuffed the ground, and dust wafted about her ankles; her shaking grew steadily more violent; she began to wave her arms, and her voice waxed louder. “You said you’d never make me do something against myself—said you’d never make me hurt myself again! But you did—you did—you broke your promise—you made me choke myself, and in front of that woman—you made me choke myself—!”

We know.

Raziya froze.She did not expect honest admittance. She had wanted denial.

We know we said we would not do that to you anymore, yes.

The voice inched closer; she thought perhaps she could feel the warmth of presence, the breath of the speaker against her face. The voice had lowered, and it wound sinister through her ears and into her mind.

We know what we said, Raziya. It spat her name. And you know what you said. What you promised. Keep first your promises before expecting us to keep ours.

“But what did I do?” she sobbed. "Why are you so angry at me?"

You know as well as we do why, Raziya. You nearly gave us away—gave us away to the burning woman—

The voice broke off—its words, concluded in spitting snarl—and Raziya felt the rakshasa’s frustration lancing through her body and brain like a knife thrust.

“But you didn’t have choke me!” Raziya wailed. “You said you wouldn’t, not anymore! For God’s sake, I’m trying! I’m trying to be good, I’m trying to do what you want; I’m trying!” The last word tore from her lips in a scream, and she slapped her hands to her mouth. Her eyes went wide.

But of course, the rakshasa snarled; the air before Raziya shimmered, and for a moment she saw its long, loping figure pacing before her, green shimmering on powder blue air. You try and you try and you try and you scream, you sob, you have an epileptic fit, to remind us all you're trying. But you never do Raziya, you never do."

She could not move, she could not tear her hands from her mouth, and she was digging her fingers into her own flesh…

Do you know why we must not let you have controul of yourself? You can’t controul yourself. Need we apologize for taking care of you? Need we remind you why we must do this—

Her legs snapped together, her back straightened with all the velocity of a cracking whip. She felt as though a whip had snapped through her body, and her hands were still over her mouth; she began to hyperventilate between the spaces of her fingers. But the cool air was dissipating at an alarming rate, for it was so very hot, like an oven about her, embers beneath her, the rakshasa stepping, in all its burning wrath, closer...