The Oil Conservationist - 2nd Half
an excerpt

“…incident that happened at a local convenience store at four fifteen PM today. Fortunately, one was hurt, due to the heroic efforts of Ms. Cassandra Borden and Mr. Shori Fujiwara, two of the seven people who were inside the store at that time. Both Borden and Fujiwara are members of Task Force Resource and Asset Alternative Authorization, which may explain how they were able to subdue Brenner so easily. Witness accounts state that the pair took advantage of his inattention when he turned his back on them. Fujiwara threw a jar of baby food at Brenner and managed to hit his head, thereby momentarily stunning him and giving Borden the opening she needed –”
“Oh, no,” Shori groaned. He sank into his chair and let his head thump onto his table.
“What’s eating you?”
“Why did they have to mention the jar of baby food?” He lightly bumped his forehead against the table a few more times for good measure. “Now I’ll be known as the guy who fought a robber with a jar of baby food –“
And as if on cue the other task force members cheered, whooping and yelling their approval as the broadcast ended. A few even approached them and gave them congratulatory hugs and slaps on the back.
“Fujiwara, great pitching!”
“Lucky bastards got to be on TV –“
“Hey, you’re a celebrity, man!”
“Can I get your autograph?”
And his favorite thus far: “D’you think they’ll categorize Gerber jars as lethal weapons after this?”