Excerpt: How to Write a Dictionary in 50,000 Words, and untitled

-HTWADI5W-
There’s another story down, Kim thought as she applauded with the rest of them. It was good to know that the timer she had accidentally set off had not actually ended up destroying anything important, though. And it really wouldn’t have been a very interesting story told from her point of view anyway. What was there to tell? “I accidentally activated a clock of doom, then ran away, then came back and helped a pregnant woman fix it.” No, that would not be a very interesting story at all, even if she included a bit more detail than that. Well, maybe she ought to tell of the time she spoke to a real live time traveler. Though really, the time traveler’s story would be more interesting, again, if he were here…

“Does anyone have any questions for Pat?” the person in charge asked.

“Are you really a secret government agent?” Ryan asked.

“No, I quit,” Pat said smoothly. “I’m just a stay-at-home mom right now.”

“What was the baby?” Ivy asked eagerly.

“A boy,” Pat said, smiling. “A beautiful baby boy. His name is Alex. He’s such a sweetheart.”

“My turn,” Sweaty Ken said, almost before Pat had finished speaking. “I was—”

“Wait a moment, K – Sweaty Ken,” the person in charge cut across him. “Other people might still have questions for Pat.”

“If I ask later, will you tell me the details you left out? Like how you disabled the countdown?” Caleb asked.

“Sure,” Pat replied, taking slightly aback. “I didn’t think anyone would be interested, that’s all.”

“It’s okay that you left them out,” Gina said condescendingly. “The story was kind of long and boring anyway.”

“Gina, we’re not here to criticize,” the person in charge admonished. “We’re here to share stories and meet people. How would you like it if people criticized your story?”

“Well, my story isn’t going to be long and boring,” Gina flared.

“That’s enough,” the person in charge said firmly. “Let’s just move on. Sweaty Ken, you’re up next.”

“Wait,” Rose interrupted, waving her hands to get everyone’s attention. “I had a question. What happened with the president and the jelly beans? Did you ever find out if he found out that you were the one who ate them?”

“He didn’t,” Pat assured her. “He suspected me, but he believed me when I told him I didn’t know what happened to his jelly beans.”

“Is that all?” the person in charge said, and when no one said anything for several seconds, he went on to say, “Okay then. It’s Sweaty Ken’s turn to tell his story.”

“Okay,” said Sweaty Ken. “I was—”

“Why are you called Sweaty Ken?” Star interrupted, curious. “You don’t look all that sweaty.”

“Just let him tell his story, Star,” the person in charge said. “He’ll answer your questions afterward.”

Everyone waited a few seconds while Sweaty Ken ensured that he really could begin now, and then he launched into his story.

-Untitled-
Uncle Sal opened the door as they pulled into his driveway. He saw them fairly often – at least twice a week – but that didn’t stop him from reacting with enthusiasm every time they came to visit. And Rover, too, though the dog could not step off the front porch, because the lowest step was the edge of Uncle Sal’s necromancy circle, and if he went outside of it, Sal’s enchantment on him would vanish and he would be nothing but the skeleton of a dog. But he knew that, however that worked – maybe Uncle Sal had taught him, or maybe it was instinct – so he stayed on the porch, happily wagging his bony tail while waiting for the rest of them to come back up to the house.

“Hey, Avery,” Sal said, giving his brother a hug as he got out of the car. “Hey, girls. Hey, Scarecrow. How have you all been?”

“I learned a new trick,” Lauren said excitedly. “Watch!” She set Scarecrow down on the ground and closed her eyes, concentrating and moving her hands almost unconsciously. Slowly, a transparent image, a duplicate of Scarecrow, formed in the air. It vanished when she opened her eyes, grinning up at Uncle Sal.

“Very nice,” he said appreciatively. “What about you, Samantha? You learn anything new?”

“Nothing really special,” Samantha muttered.

“Sure you did,” her dad said. “The rock thing, remember?”

“You taught her the rock trick?” Uncle Sal said, sounding impressed. “Let me see.”

Samantha had forgotten about that. She had been too busy stewing in the shadow Lauren’s accomplishment to remember that she was still learning as well. Now, though, she cast around for a suitable rock. It had to be small, or she wouldn’t be able to do it. There was one between Scarecrow’s feet. She took a deep breath and stared at it, not blinking, concentrating. And slowly, slowly, it start moving toward her. Scarecrow stepped aside, watching it as it first slid, and then started lifting up, and finally flew into Samantha’s outstretched hand. She closed her fist around it, grinning. She could do things Lauren couldn’t, and people were still proud of her.

“Wow,” said Uncle Sal, genuinely impressed. “That’s good. How long did it take you to learn that?”

“I worked on it for a week before I could get the rock to fly,” Samantha said.

“I’ve been working on mine for a week and a half,” Lauren admitted, embarrassed. “I didn’t practice enough.”

“Don’t sweat it. It took me two weeks,” Uncle Sal said to her. “And I didn’t get to the rock trick until I was at least two months older than you are, Samantha. That’s pretty impressive, both of you.”

Lauren grinned. “Thanks.”

“It’s the truth,” Uncle Sal declared. “Now come on inside, you three. I think Rover’s getting impatient.”