Chapter One. Meeting Sensei John Paul.

To say this guy was interesting was an understatement. This guy must have been bananas, crackers and lets not forget the nuts. He had a Tom Baker esq FOURTH Doctor from who type grin on his face as he placed my just completed membership form into his document wallet. It joined Andrews. He had reluctantly filled his in after a bit of persuasion from Darren. And since he had started attending these classes he could be very persuasive indeed. It had been Darren's idea that I started attending these classes, and although I was not entirely certain what it was all about it had sounded like fun. So that's how I found myself here at the sports dome in the company of Mr Tom Baker grin. Andrew had insisted that he come along to check everything out. He had become very protective of late; it was nice but a bit awkward at times.

"You have no idea what you have just let yourself in for do you?" I asked John Paul. For that after all was Mr Tom Baker as the Fourth Doctors grins name. Well when we where not on tatarmi as he called it. For when we where on the tatarmi his name was Sensei. The Tatarmi looked like a Hodge podge of crash mats that looked slightly stained with blood. Not like that bothered me, after all I had not only survived but had also escaped the Lambert estate. Blood stains where part of the scenery there, along with burnt out cars, police cordons, used condoms from the local prostitutes and drug needles. A few blood stains on crash mats used for Martial arts really were not an issue for me. I had a feeling that I would be the cause of some more before long.

"Darren has given me a clue or two." John Paul replied. I decided on the spot that John Paul was a good guy. After all he had not run screaming as I walked into the sports hall, whoops sorry Dojo. Look at me using the lingo already. He did not care about the reputation I had wrongly got over the past year and he most certainly did not seem bothered about my appearance. Yes John Paul was definitely a good guy. A fact I knew already from the days he used to fill in various instruments for us whilst we performed in the fly and Jug. He was a well known character in the area, everyones mate as it where and we had hung out together before. I mean I just do not go to random guys class without knowing them first, what do you take me for!

"Ah whatever he told you its all lies." I replied jokingly.
"I told you she would be trouble." Darren said as he gives my hair a ruffle.
"How many times have I told you? Don't touch her hair." Andrew said as he got between me and Darren as I pretended to be upset.
"Fun little dynamic we have here then." John Paul said, his grin getting impossibly wide.

Beth, who was still providing everyone with transport, even if Andrew and Darren where doing the driving laughed at that. It was nice to hear actually after recent events. "Okay I can see your going to be just fine here, so I think me and Laura will go watch Daddy and Auntie Anna from a safe distance. Like over there." She said pointing to a viewing gallery of sorts set up at the side of the hall. . 18 month Laura gurgled happily as she pointed at Andrew. He gives her a kiss.
"So she can mock Daddy getting his arse royally kicked she means. Yes she does. Coos Daddy has no idea what he is letting himself in for. And Daddy upset your Auntie, yes he did and so his going to be in for It." he stage whispered at her. Laura giggled at that. "Dada"
"Yes Your Daddy is in trouble." Beth said. "John Paul, make sure you teach something that hurts."
"Absolutely." John Paul said with a twinkle in his eye as Beth waddled up the stairs. For Beth was Eight months pregnant with twins and was huge. Laura was fascinated with her bump, and to be honest so was I. Andrew had gotten used to me gushing over every time the baby moved. Miss devoted Aunt. That was me. Though it hurt me to think of Rachel and I still wondered how she was despite the contact I had with her I was excited about the twins arrival. There was no time to dwell on that now though as John Paul clapped his hands and pointed us to our place in the line up.

"As you can see we have two new ahem victims, I mean members to the class." Everyone laughed at that, Darren was definitely the loudest. "Anna and Andrew, try not to scare these ones off, as well Andrew is a daddy to be. His lovely misuse is up in the gallery and we know how pregnant ladies can get." Everyone laughed again. I could here Laura go "Baba" then. "As is his daughter!"
"Dada!"
The class went AWWW as Laura waved down at him. Beth give a shrug and beside me Andrew cringed a little. He waved back at her.
"Yes Darren?" John Paul said as Darren stuck his hand up.
"I better warn everyone that Anna is a bit of a flexie lexy. I will personally pay the first person who manages to pin her 50 quid."
"Game on!" Was John Paul response.

To say that Darren got to keep his money would be an understatement. Darren had showed me a few things previous to class and discovered that my elbows could do things normal elbows should not do. Kind of gross but Meh whatever. That did not freak people out as much as the scars caused by Frank. Mean evil sadistic twat that he was. Although if it was not for him then I would not have attended the class in a roundabout way.

What we got taught that day, besides the fact that John Paul was a nuttier but a lovable one was how to pin someone. Andrew and I got paired up as the newbie's as Darren went of to do something that looked a lot like twisting his partners arm off then throwing him about. Complete with a broom handle. We learned stuff about how Aikido was created, about dojo etiquette, how to do simple foot movements and how to do a simple pin. Then there was something called the mad half hour which everyone came together and I got taught how to do something John Paul Called a Koshie. It was fun and although Andrew did not get his arse royally kicked by myself I knew that in future he would. I was looking forward to that.

After Class John Paul came up to us.
"Enjoy that?" He asked.
"Yeah definitely. I will so be back. Great stress relief. "I replied." When the next class, I want to do that again." I knew I was being all bouncy but I did not care.
Andrews's response was a collection of vowel sounds bundled together. John Paul chuckled as Beth came over to us.
"That was amazing." She declared. "Look at you throwing the black belts about." She said as she give me a one armed hug.
"Dada fall" Laura added as Andrew took her off Beth.
"Yes Daddy fell flat on his bum. Silly Daddy. Your Aunty is too rough!" Andrew said, giving me a mock glare in the process. I glared back it him.
Laura shook her head.
"No?" He said. "Ha you girls always stick together." He said as he blew a raspberry on her check. Laura give a happy squeal at that. "Works every time. I know how to win this one over."
"Bop!" Laura said in response as her tiny fist landed on top of his head. "Bop!" she said again as she did it again.
"Oh I think we have a new recruit for the junior class." John Paul said giving us a flash of his doctor who grin again. "That's almost a shionagy there you know."
"A what?" Andrew asked
"Bop! Bop! Bop! Dada. Bop!" Laura said with a big grin on her face. Andrew pretended that it hurt, and it possibly did. After all anyone who has ever experienced kids will know that they can and do hurt when they want to.
"What the kid says." John Paul said in reply.
"Ouch!"
"Dada silly" Laura said with a giggle.

We all laughed at that.

Whilst Andy was getting changed John Paul sat me down for a chat. I suspected that it was something he did for all his new pupils but it was a nice gesture still. He give the impression that he really cared and literally did make everyone part of his big happy aikido family.
Then he said something that suppressed me. Well not said exactly but asked. I don't know how he knew but he did.

"How did you get that scar?" He asked me gently. He motioned to one on my face. The oldest one. Unsurprisingly it was caused by Frank. He still has an effect on me even when I know he can't get at me any more. He is always going to be a presence in my life.
I took a deep breath. Why is it always easier to talk to a relative stranger than to those who care about you. Maybe it was something I would have to ask my councillor at the next appointment.

"Have you ever felt really frightened? So frightened of an event you would do whatever it took to avoid it, but ultimately it would be useless. "

He nodded at that. "Yeah a few times I have."

"Everyday I dreaded coming home from school. Everyday I knew Frank and his friends could attack me. I do not know what I had done to piss them off, to make them want to attack me. All I knew was they did, repeatedly, and there was no getting away from it.

It was my Thirteenth birthday. I was walking home from school with my best friend Corrina. I was staying at Me Nans house that night; you know it was meant to be that one day that you could forget about all the shit in your life. We had cut through some local allotments in the hope of avoiding being seen by Frank and his mob. A useless hope. There was no getting away from them, we both new that, they always turned up eventually like a real bad smell and well that day was no exception. When I saw them, I felt rather, unnerved to say the least. Their usual routine would be to surround me, say hurtful remarks, that type of thing. That day I had a grim feeling that would not be the case. Unfortunately for me that feeling was true."

"Oh Anna, if this is too hard for you to talk about..." John Paul Started.
"Nah, he did much worse." I said with a sigh.
"I know. I kind of followed the case in the paper. "John Paul added "And you knew from Darren to I suspect."
"Busted!" John Paul said with a nod.

I took a deep sip from my bottle of water before continuing.
"Anyhow as Corrina and I walked towards them an almost deadly silence descends across the group. Although I wanted to run in the other direction I held my head up high, defiantly as we got closer to them. I was secretly hoping that it would un nerve them. You know maybe for once it would work. It would have made a nice change. However that illusion was shattered when they began to crowd round me. I began to feel nervous. More nervous than usual.

They started off like they always did. The name calling began. I could vaguely hear Corrina yelling at them to leave me alone. Some of the natives tried to break them up. Back when the lambert estate had some since of morals left. I knew that they would not, however I appreciated them trying to stop them. It just seemed to make the situation worse to be honest. I had learnt to block the name calling out of my mind. A punch though, you can not block that out.
"Yet. You will learn how to avoid them anyways."
"Cool." I said. Glad of the reprove I took another drink before continuing.

"Frank punched me hard and that's when my worst nightmares came true. Dramatic as it sounds.

It may have been that point that I began to get an inkling of what was going to happen. My Fear at that point? It was like a boy scout troop was practising knot tying in my stomach. They had never, ever punched me before. When one is experiencing fear your heart rate increases, your mouth goes dry and you may feel a bit shaky. At least that's what my shrink tells me. Interesting fact that.
"It is. I should use that in class sometime."
"Your just humouring me."
"A skill I learnt when I met my missus. It is safer that way!"
I give a chuckle at that.

"Anyhow. That all happened to me. The only problem with the physical symptoms of fear is, they can easily be misinterpreted as anger. I guess that's how Frank interpreted it. That's what the police told me anyways."
"They got that right."

"I have a vivid recollection of my thought at the time. "At worse I will end up with a bloody nose, at best I will need to buy a new uniform. " Foolish of me. The reality was very different. Nobody, well none of Frank's gang cared about what he was capable of, what he was planning on doing that day. They would do anything to get their fix."
"Druggie?."
"Proper smack heads. The only people Frank hung out with for as long as I can remember. "
"Wowsers, to grow up around that must have been hard."
"The worst. That was tolerable compared to the repeated rapes and what he done to my mother."
John Paul's face paled at that.
"Never guessed." He said.
"I work hard to try and not let that define who I am as a person." I replied. "You still want to know how I got this." I said waving at the scar in question.
"In for a penny..." John Paul replied.
"Okay. So each one of Frank's friends had a go at getting physical in the real unpleasant sense with me. Mainly with their fists, though some got a few kicks in. Corina just stood there, looking helpless. I had made her promise not to get involved if it ever got to that stage, even if she did not have that restriction there was not a lot she could have done. I mean two kids against smack heads is not going to end up being pretty.

With every punch I could feel myself getting angry. Who knows how long it went on for before I snapped. Five, ten , fifteen minutes possibly. All I know is that I did snap and I went for the nearest person. Frank. I was not even thinking as I punched him in the nose as hard as I can. I heard bone snap you know. Even if I do say so I it was rather impressive as he staggered back into a nearby fence. It was even more satisfying as it started to bleed. It would later turn out the crack was my hand and not his nose. I instantly regretted my actions though. . Even if the following events did not happen , I was not normally one to resort to needless violence."
"And yet you ended up in my class."
"Defence is the best form of offence. Besides the life I have seen , things I am still seeing, it makes sense to know how to protect you. The worlds much too dangerous to burry your head in the sand and hope nothing bad is going to happen to you. It sucks but that's reality."
"Could not agree more.!" John Paul said. I could not help notice he had some scars himself. Not on his face though, on his hands. He saw me glancing at them.
"You finish telling me the rest of your story and some day I will admit to how I got them." He said. I considered that.
"Seems fair! After that my instincts told me to run. Corina was trying to pull me away, my brain was screaming go now. However my legs just did not get that instruction, I simply could not move. I was shaking so fucking hard. I guess a small part of me wanted to see what happened next. I sincerely wish I was not part of what did happen next.

It still hurts to think about it!

As one hand instinctively grabbed his nose, Franks other hand went into her pocket. It seemed like time was running in slow motion as it took forever for his hand to get there. In reality it was a matter of seconds but you tell that to time perception. I felt like a caged animal on the way to the slaughter house as he pulled her hand out. The crowd drew closer trying to get a better view. Serious fear drew its way into my bones and it would not go away. I made the mistake of glancing at Corina. She seemed scared. No she was scared. That did not make me feel better as nothing scared Corina that much. Not even Frank did, she was the kind of girl that would kick a pervert in the bollicks then scream loudly what was happening.

My heart seemed to stop as I struggled to catch my breath. My legs felt like they wanted to move, unfortunately closer to the ground. I watched Frank closely as his hand came out of her pocket. My gaze settled to his hand. There was an evil glint of silver. I gulped as I forced myself to look him in the eye. I don't know why I did that, maybe another feeble attempt to stop him. Then it register in my brain what that silver was. I heard a scream and then realised I was the one who it come from. The crowd gasped as he approached and they tried to get away. "
"You focused on the knife. It was a human reaction."
"I saw the higher grades working with a knife tonight, spooked me a little bit."
"That's way up the rankings hon. We will cross that bridge when it comes to it. Basically the person is the danger, the knife can not hurt you on its own, but you could not have rationalised that at the time." He told me kindly.
"Your damn right about that. Oh my G" the words got stuck in my throat . I soon realised I had to stay calm if I stood any chance of getting out of this alive. As he walked towards me my horror turned into pure terror. So much for staying calm. I did the only thing I could do and closed my eyes as I waited for him to plunge knife into me. To my momentarily relief that moment did not exactly happen. What exactly happened nobody can tell me for sure. What I do know was that somebody pushed me to the floor. I landed in an undignified heap which is when my hand decided to hurt, lots. Then I heard a loud scream of pain and terror. I forced my eyes open. Nothing could have prepared me for the sight that I witnessed then. It was Corrina who had screamed, she was now on the floor with blood trickling out of her face."

"Wow, that bastard. Did not see that coming. "John Paul exclaimed with a whistle
"Neither did Corrina! A group of Franks so called friends ran of then. I can not same I blame them, after all I would have probably done the same thing. I could see Me Nan then force her way through what was left of the crowd. She helped me to my feet and walked over to corrina.

"She's alright!" She said . "Not as bad as it looks." She continued as Corrina passed out. A small sigh of relief went through the crowd but worse was yet to come. In the chaos people had forgotten about Frank. Well Frank hates that. He has to be centre stage ya know. Likes the focus to be on him. The way he got it did not work out to well for me. As he walked towards me with a look of, What can only be described as, pure evil on his face. Terror again. Before anyone could react he had plunged the knife into its intended target.

"You?" John Paul asked.
"Yeah , or more specifically my face. I used to be pretty once. People would tell me I could be a model when I got older. Fat chance now. But well no dwelling and all that jazz. The pain was so intense. I could feel the warm blood pour out of me as he drew the knife out and plunged it back in. It was kind of sticky though which was weird. Pain? Yeah it hurt like hell, it was the worst I had ever experienced. Course childbirth later would give me a whole different perspective. Tears threaten to pour down my face but I blinked them away. You never let Frank see that you where crying. Everyone knew it.

"Why are you doing this" I asked hoping I sounded calm. Truth was I was anything but. I felt sick and dizzy as people stood like statues around is watching in horror. They where caught by surprise to. Two of franks goons had got hold of me Nan. She was trying to get away but well, they where too strong.

"You have ruined my life bitch" was her only reply as the knife went in and out of me over and over again. Eventually I could not stay on my feet and a collapsed.

Somehow my mouth continued to spill out words. "How, how have I ruined your life? " I asked.

Her response was a painful kick in what was now beginning to represent a sieve. Then another stab. I kept on talking, more out of shock than anything else. Eventually he did speak again.

"Shut up. Just shut the fuck up." she yelled. One final stab and that was that. "Your shirts a bit of a mess." he added, as almost like an after thought. "Best Clean that up before your mother sees it." He walked away then dropping the knife almost as if nothing had happened. I would have laughed if I was not in so much agony. The next thing I knew I was blacking out.

When I came through I remember Nan was holding a jumper against me trying to stop the bleeding . I could not remember what had happened at first, then it all come back to me.

Corrinas gone for help." She informed me. Her face had stopped bleeding, it was only a small cut after all. Her voice was full of sadness, shock and worry. As if almost like a cue in a play Corrina arrived with the local Doc. Her name was Doctor Dora."
"I remember her, she was a good woman."
"Yeah she was. "
"Wonder what happened to her."
"Don't ask. Mate just don't ask. Let's leave it at Frank yeah."
"Fuck. Okay Anna point took."

"Anyways

"What the hell happened." Dora asked.
I groaned in response. Adrenaline must have kicked in but it still hurt. I looked at her , then Nan and Corrina before everything went Black.

The first real conversation I had with my Nan was , well it was awkward to say the least. I figure Corrina had told her some of the details. And the police naturally where involved and had clued her in on some of the details to. However naturally she still had questions. The conversation went a little like this.

"Are you going to tell me what's been going on?" Gawd my Nan was never one to beat around the bush after all.

So I told her about Frank and the drugs and well everything.
Nan went quiet then. I guess it was a lot to take in. After that she held me a lot and allowed me to cry on her shoulder. That was nice. If one good thing came out of this mess it was that it opened lines of communication between us again. Things had been going to shit in my family for a long time ya know. I was in hospital for a long time to. It turns out I had a narrow escape as his aim on my lungs and other vital parts had been a bit sloppy." I could feel myself getting tearful then.

"Wow. Gosh I am sorry I asked. I never realised..." John Paul started.
I wiped away a stray tear with that back of my hand. "Don't be. You know you're the first person I have told about what happened that day. Not even Darren and Andy know, I would rather keep it that way." I managed to calm my voice down.
"Okay." John Paul agreed. He sounded reluctant.
"Please." I added with my best attempt at what Beth calls my Puppy Dog eyes. "So. I told, I think its fair you tell now."
"Can I just give you a welcome to the class hug instead?" He said. It was with a sad smile not the wide Tom Baker as Doctor who grin I had seen at the start of the class.
"Righty oh, but I will find out"
"I know you will. You're a woman after all." He said. It was damn nice to just be held for a bit. I was almost disappointed when Andrew and Darren immerged from the changing rooms.

Chapter two Confession time.
#

"Ow!" came the groan from Andrew. He was buried underneath the duvet cover. I smiled as I watched him settle into a comfy position in the bed. "Darn it this ones going to be a footballer." He sighed as he turned over and give me a kiss.
"Definite." I replied equally as sleepily.
"Andrew if your not up and down these stairs in Five minutes Darren says his going to come drag you out the bed and into a cold shower!" Anna declared as she pushed open the door. A bundle of clothes fell of the hook as she opened it. She had Laura in her arms. "Theres a cup of coffee waiting for you downstairs to."
"Urgh!" Andrew said. "I am not going."
"Yes you are. Come on you can't be that stiff." Anna said. Laura give a giggle as Anna placed her on the bed.
"I am, honestly. John Wayne is going to have nothing on me by the end of today I tell you." Andrew groused. None the less he got out of the bed and stumbled towards the bathroom.
"What time did she have you up this morning." I asked as I haled myself up onto the pillows.
"Six am."
"I never heard her."
"Its okay, I was already awake. Couldn't sleep last night." Anna said with a casual shrug. "She was just about to start crying when I got her. She has been fed already to. " I grabbed her before she started bouncing on my bump. "How you feeling?"
"Like I am going to explode. Another month of this and I think I might. And oh …" Apparently my face give it all away.

"Andrew out that bathroom now. Lady with two babies coming through!" Anna yelled as she helped me out of the bed.
"Charming" was my mothers response. For she was still living with me. It appears that my house had become home to any number of strays lately.

I made it to the bathroom thankfully. I thought it was bad with one child but with two it was awful. I considered myself lucky that I was not placed on complete bed rest. I think that everyone would have went nuts if that had been the case. Finally I got dressed and headed downstairs.

"You know mate you won't have time for this when the twins come long!" Darren was saying. Andrew was chewing on a bit of toast and looking grumpy. Poor soul had not been getting enough sleep and was a bit cranky.
"Thanks for the reminder mate." Andrew said.
"Darren's right you know." Anna said. "Oh gross, who left their leftovers uncovered in the fridge!" She said
"The mother in law." Andrew and Darren muttered. Both Mock shuddered.
"She is up and awake" Anna announced.
""That run is now looking attractive." Andrew said as he quickly finished his toast kissed Laura and grabbed a water battle from the side.
"Why didn't you say that ten minutes ago." Darren said, hurrying to follow him. I laughed as Andrew give me another kiss.
"Take your time" I called after them. I would not want to be around my mother if I was them either. And despite Andrews protests I knew he enjoyed the runs with Darren. They went through the same routine every morning. Unfortunaly so did my mother.

A word about my mother would be appropriate now I think, just to give this some context.

The neighbours would often talk amongst themselves regarding my family. They would never admit it to us but we knew they did. There were clues to give them away. Things like the way they would stop talking as we walked past or how over the roads curtains would twitch when ever we were home. They would never talk to people who would be able to help though. Heaven knows that we could do with it. Even someone for a few mornings a week so that I could have got some much needed respite would have been a blessing. Social services did not have the funding though apparently. Anna tells me they told the same thing to her. Need to save money. Nice they have money to save.

My family as a child consisted of just me and my mother. My father could not cope with her so left. I wanted to go with him but the courts. Mother came up with such a crap load of rubbish to tell the courts. My sister ran away, went to live with my dad in the end. Wish I had been brave enough to be honest. My Step father beat my mother so hard she lost her baby. It was to be another little sister for me. Never seen him since. My father tried to take care of her after that but she pushed him away. I have been a career for her since I was thirteen. It was not easy then and things are getting harder now. I mean she did go move back in with my father for a while and things where going well but she just packed up and left one day and ended up back on my doorstep. She had a stroke when Laura was Six months old and never recovered. If it was not the stroke it would have been something else. Now she has the early stages of Alzheimer's.
She can not remember who I am. She gets confused and abusive. That's not a recent thing.
It feels like this should be a story that Anna should be telling.
"Do you know you got your fathers eyes?"

She roughly asked me once. I must have been about ten at the time.

"Your father was a drug addict." More lies. Everyone knew that. She was cruel and manipulative like that even back then.

She seemed proud of that fact. Took delight in my totally horrified reaction. That hurt more than the school yard That Sir Wan of Kerr who needs a real good kicking. ies using me as target practice. Then after she asked that she swallowed a bottle of wine, took an Ecstasy pill and proceeded to tell me how useless I was. When she came round from that she would never remember who she was or where she was. I did not think it strange at the time. Now I know better.

"Do not tell. It is our little secret."
She would say to me. She still says that now. Does not matter to whom. Never with Anna though. Put them two in the same room unsupervised and it turns into world war three.

I think it is only going to get worse. She needs to be in a home but circumstances, like the cruel knife of fate, dictate that she lives with me. She refuses to go. Anna reckons I should try and get her sectioned. It is not a half bad idea. She needs constant care and I am exhausted. It is hard enough to bring up a child whilst pregnant with another two. That's why Darren moved in to try and help. It has but It feels like nobody understands what I am going through.

It is isolating. It's lonely. It is a situation I resent. I hate my mother because now my life is a constant round of listening to her dish out the verbal abuse towards whoever is in the area , trying to give her medication and nutrition. In the end I just send in Anna. She has a way with my mother, I guess it is because she has had the same experience with her own. The worst part though is cleaning up her body fluids. She is perfectly capable of looking after herself in that regard. She just chooses not to. That's where Andrew is brilliant in that regard, threatens to put her in an adult nappy. In her more lucid moments she will admit it is a way of getting back at me and she just does not care anymore. Somewhere deep inside though is a part of me that still loves her no matter what she does.

It is like a game for her. It is a dangerous one as I can not cope. I will never win it either. She knows that and takes great delight in it. It really is not fair. She never coped with me. She never cared for that's how I got my first scar at the age of eleven. She pushed me into the path of an oncoming delivery lorry. I survived but I still have nightmares about it. I guess scars are beyond skin deep. That's why I can emphasise with Anna, took her in , sit with her when it gets too much. Anna does not sleep much now because of them. It breaks my heart.

So I go back to old methods. The same ones I used as a teenager. The same ones that I believe she is punishing me for. The same methods that have left my dreams in one horrid mess. I pretend not to care, tell her to shut up or get out. It works for a while.

My mother has scars . From the needles she used when she finally went on to different drugs. Anna's look positively pretty compared to hers. Hers are more circular and bumpy. Anna's look more elegant and almost pretty. It makes me feel sick looking at them both though. Our scars may be created by our own hands but our mothers are always to blame. Or in this case My mothers.

The same woman heading down the stairs now. Oh Crap can I really be bothered dealing with this today. I think not. Me and Anna looked at each other. Anna quickly threw the leftovers in the bin and set about busying herself with cleaning out the fridge. I never suspected that when I first took her she would become so domesticated.
"Okay Ew gross again. Leftovers should be put in containers not left in tins." She deslaired as she dragged the bin over.
"That's my food." My mother yelled as she entered the kitchen.
"Its now in the bin. It was not fit for human consumption." Anna calmly responded as she tossed more tins into the bin.
"That's my food." My mother repeated again. She sounded angry.
"Don't care if it was the popes. I would not even feed this to Cohen." Anna responded again. Cohen barked as he heard his name. Laura Toddled over to him and patted his nose. "Doggy" She said. Cohen barked again as he sniffed at her playfully. Laura giggled as she sat herself next to him.
"Anyone walked him yet?" I asked trying to change the subject.
"Me and Laura took him for a walk didn't we bairn?" Anna said. "She was getting angst"
"Hey its okay, if it alouded me to sleep in a bit." I said with a yawn. I contemplated the pot of tea someone had made. My mother tutted as she glared at Anna.
"I managed perfectly well when I was pregnant with you." My mother said.
"You spent most of your pregnancy high on dope though mother." Was my response.
"It helped me cope." she replied equally as angry as it was to poor Anna.

"Anna hon., would you mind giving the fridge a wipe over whilst your at it?" I said, choosing to pointedly ignore my mother.
"Ah someone's nesting." Anna said. "Sure course I will.!" She pulled another lump of, well something out of the fridge. "EWWW!" she SAID. Laura giggled at that as she attempted to copy Anna. . My mother took her coffee and stalked out the room. Anna fixed me some cereal and water , grabbed the cleaning stuff out of the cupboard and cleaned not only the fridge but the entire kitchen. I could hear my mother shouting at her television. Well as long as that kept her occupied she was not bugging us.

"You look like I feel!" I declared to Anna after watching her yawn again. She was doing that a lot. Like I was one to talk, I was constantly exhausted.
"Do I?" She asked innocently enough. Which meant that actually she was trying to hide something.
"Yeah. Come on, help me up, guess who has to go again."
"Jeez, okay."

Toilet trip over I managed to get Laura occupied in her play pen, Anna managed to get my mother occupied with some therapeutic crosswords and the lads had phoned to say they where going shopping for some paint I got Anna sat down. It was time for a serious talk. Which I would be determined to happen once my feet where up.

Naturally for Anna that serious talk thing meant her resting on the very little space available between my very saw boobs and my worryingly large bump. Somehow she managed it. It reminded me of how Laura would go to sleep curled up their to.

"Theres something bothering you!" I announced.
"Huh. No threes not." she protested weakly. She said it rather too quickly which just confirmed my suspicions.
I give her a look.
"Okay but its nothing really, don't want to bother anyone with it."
"I am here to be bothered."
"Your in a fragile state and about to pop at any moment. Your really not needing to hear this." She said. That was logical enough thinking I guess, as her hand hovered above my bump. I took it and placed it on my bump. It was actually kind of comforting to both of us.
She seemed conflicted at this point. She seemed suddenly tearful. I could feel her trembling as I wrapped a swollen arm around her.

"Say it, it will make you feel better I promise." I said to her.
"I can't. "
"Yes you can. "
"I really can not"
"Anna, yes you can, just take a deep breath and blurt it out."
"Why am I getting a sense we have had a conversation similar to this before?"
"Because we have."
"Urgh, yeah."
"Come on, out with it"
oh god don't make me say it. Please Beth, don't do this. Not again. "
"If the next words out your mouth is the phrase, I love you then again it changes nothing."
"Believe me that was easy compared to this. And that was frigging hard enough. And God I still do love you and I don't think I can ever change that, and its still not easy to be around you and Andrew but I am truly happy for you. you're a goddess. Your beautiful. You also did not need that landing on you now. I am sorry. "
"I. I appear to be having a good day emotionally but I still look like shit. And you have Eli now "
"Not to me. Your gorgeous"
I considered that for a moment, before I realised what she was doing. I also noticed she did not comment on my comment about Eli.
"Your stalling."
"Yeah, busted. But really this house is ready to go into meltdown. Something's got to give"
"I agree totally. Although you lot have been brilliant. My mothers going to have to go, she is too much"
" she is your mama. If anyone should go it should be me. We are all totally brain dead."
" Now don't you be daft. Your not going anywhere, I would not have been able to cope without you. Brain dead. Again true but that's still not what's bothering you."
"aha."
"Don't give me the extra worry about what is worrying you hon. Spill it."
"Your worrying? Want to talk about it."
"Not till you spill what is on your mind."
"Can't. that would make it true."
"Now I am getting worried. More worried."
"Frak. " She muttered. "Okay" She sighed. "Its daft really."
"Out with it. "
IbeenhavingnightmaresaboutfrankandmeandElidumpedme" She muttered.
"Okay not as one long word this time kiddo."
"I said, I been having night mares about Frank. Well more like flash backs really."
"That's why you been avoiding sleep lately."
Anna nodded.
"I was worried it was much worse than that. God I have been worried about everything lately."
"Well hello that's to be expected, I am surprised we have not had a major case of hormones on parade, nervous breakdown screaming hulk of the to be mother imerge yet."
"Oh it has, many times. Its just the blokes tend to get it. I got all ranty yesterday because Darren didn't groom the dog right. And the day before I got pissed off because I could not remember what I came into Laura's room for. I tell you what kid I feel like bursting into tears constantly. And did you say you and Eli broke up?"
"Join the club. The bursting into tears club. You have the excuse of being pregnant though."
"But then I get mad at myself for feeling like I am loosing the plot. And God Anna when did you and Eli break up."
" We noticed. Jeez what we need is a good old fashioned tear jerker I think. An excuse to cry."
"You did not answer the question." I could feel her shudder. I ran my hand down her back although I really wanted someone to give me a back rub. I was in agony but I pushed it out of my mind for the moment.
"Last night" she chocked out. "by text, I tried to ring her..." She closed her eyes and pinched her nose and yawned.. "She did not want to know. She just went of on one said that she never loved me anyways and that she had gotten back with her ex and had been sleeping with him for weeks. Should have seen it coming. Anyhow this position must be killing your back." She said sitting up.
"It was a little. A back rub would not go amiss to be honest."
"Why didn't you say something sooner then." She said. She helped me get into a less painful position, adjusted the other sofa so it pulled out to a bed and helped me onto it.
Within minutes she was trying her best to give me a backrub. It just was not a good as Andrews so I was relieved when I heard him come in.
"Ah how about I take over?" He asked.
"Yeah, you better." Anna said. I could feel the difference immediately. Within minutes I was flat out.

Chapter 3. The Babies are coming!
I am not sure when I fell asleep. I remember giving Beth a massarge. Well I was trying to and not doing a great job with it. Now I am in bed and John Paul is sat with me. Huh.

"John Paul?" I asked for I am not exactly with the rest of the planet when I wake up terrified. I then realised I was clinging on to him for grim life. I quickly let go of him embarrassed. I mean its not every day you wake up from a nightmare clinging onto a practical stranger is it? "Sorry" I added meekly.
I sank back down into the pillows.
"Ouch" Went Darren.
"Ow!" I went as my head crashed into his lap. Seemed like I had decided at some point that Darren would make a good pillow.
Its okay wake up in your own time kid." Darren said. He turned to John Paul. "Now do you believe me?" He asked.
"Yeah. Seeing is believing. Feeling is definitely believing. " he added rubbing his arm. "Talk about a good grip!" he added
"Murpghy" I uttered. It made no sense to me either.
"That is what she is like every time she sleeps." Darren said. "We literally have to hold her down to stop her from hurting herself."
"Wow. " John Paul said. "come here" he told me.
I looked up at Darren. "Trust him. God kid" He added as he helped me up. "You so tense. Just going to help you relax a bit is all, before we take you over the hospital, otherwise your going to be useless as a birthing partner, or whatever it is you ladies call them these days."
"Someone is hand to hold and ear to scream in if last time was anything to go by. Oh and to pick up Andy when he passes out." I muttered. I then shot straight up for another time. "She is in the hospital. Now!??" I shouted looking for something to put on my feet.
"Sit still girl. Andy's with her." Darren said trying to be reassuring. It failed miserably.
"Oh god, he will faint the first time he sees a medical instrument."
"Your damaging his cool calm and dignified under pressure vibe" John Paul added. He half chuckled to himself.
Me and Darren both laughed at that. "Right whatever you say there JJ mate." Darren said.
"He pukes at the first hint someone's throwing up. Don't know how he made it into the army." I added.
Darren had finally gotten me back onto the bed.
"Chill out, relax hon. There going to ring us when the contractions get stronger. Beth did not even want to go in yet, claimed they where a touch of the branston hicks contractions. Andy did not believe her though so Beth just went in to keep Andy calm."
"Oh right. They took the car though."
"This is where John Paul's taxi's service comes in." John Paul added. "Its lucky that the missus and kids are on holiday this week."
"Is it?" I asked. I suddenly felt drained again. "Whose got Laura? Where is the mother in law? Anyone let Cohen out? And How long was I asleep for? "
"Beth's dad has Laura, beths sister took the Mother in law to go live with her after yet another humdinger of a fight between her and Beth." Darren said.
"The dog is in his run!" John Paul added. "Jeez anyone would think you're the one having this baby." He added.
"Twins!" Me and Darren both replied in unison.
"And You have been asleep for a good six hours." Darren added.
"So are you going to sit down their, be a good girl and let us do our thing now?" John Paul asked.
"Okay…" I said, throwing my hands up in mock surrender.

Three hours later, after much pacing the floors from myself, much tea drank by Darren and John Paul observing the little ball of cuteness that is Cohen the phone call finally came.
"Andy mate just what is going on?" I asked him. I had dived over Darren to get to the phone, kicking him in the stomach en route.
"Beth asked me to ring you to take over." Andy said. He sounded a bit woozy to be honest. "I may have passed out when they done the exam."
"Typical." I muttered. "Okay We are on our way." I said out loud.
"Got it." Andy said before getting cut of by Beth.
"Tell her to bring the bag with her."
"You have to bring the bag with you."
"You forgot the bag! Big bro of mine that was A grade Dumb!"
"Beth has already informed me of that. Just get here quick." He sounded panicky.
"I'm heading out the door now." I informed him. Luckily Darren had took Cohen around next doors house when he realised what was happening and James had got the car going. I hung up, grabbed the hospital bag, my bag , a camera and Mr Scruffy.

The drive to the hospital was mental. I practically was dragging Darren to the car, yelling feeding instructions to next door through my mobile phone and throwing the items into the boot. poor John Paul had the patience of a saint. If I thought Astons driving was wicked mad fast then John Paul was in the same league as a top formula one driver. Or the Stig from Top gear. Speed bumps get flew over, speed limits get stuck to barely and as for pedestrians, the only warning they had was the horn blaring which caused several irate hand gestures. We where lucky in a way that this was happening on a Friday night and the police had more important things to be doing.

The conversation was equally as mental. Darren sat in the back actually screamed at one point out of sheer terror as we skid round a corner without the aid of proper use of breaks. (although he would later say it was for comic effect to lighten the mood.) John Paul was singing along to his CD and I was yelling directions at him and telling him to go much quicker. Both blokes had to remind me of things such as road safety and speed cameras.

We pull up outside the hospital. It's all very gothic and old fashioned. An odd mix of arcutecture to say the least. Darren bangs on the old wooden doors. A porter arrives out and offers to assist my exit from the car The blokes (as they dubbed themselves) grab the bags and the porter grabs a wheelchair. Gorgeous Dublin accent. "C'mon now love, we'll get you to the maternity ward. Your brother has been waiting for you. I take it you going to be in with Beth again. I will give you a ride up"

I remember him. He helped me get Beth to the maternity ward the first time around. He made us both laugh in between Beth screaming "Not on your Nelly. Noooooooooo. I can't mooooove".

We Bypassed the queue in the reception, the porter giving linford Christie in his hey day a run for his money. He makes me laugh again as John Paul and Darren try and keep up. The porter wheels me straight into where Beth is situated and the picture was not pretty. I Jump out the wheel chair, help the porter get Andrew into the wheelchair and he is pushed out into the corridor.

"Go get him drunk!" Beth shouts to Darren who is brave enough to drop the bags in.
"Ah My favourite words!" Darren replies. I look in horror at Beth.
"Go get him hyped up on Caffeine and chips." She amends before another contraction kicks in. She screams loudly as she grabs my hand. I jump up on the bed, to short to sit comfortably in the chair situated next to it. The midwife glares at me, Beth sticks a finger up at her.
"Same effect. I can do that. Good luck." He says before disappearing with the porter. I can here Andrew moan as he was hauled away.

Beth under goes another examination.
"Not ready yet." The Midwife ways. She reminds me of a member of a Nazi Party. "Not 10 centimetres dilated, yet."
"Frak" Beth screams. "I want them out now."
The Midwife rolls her eyes as she leaves the room.
"I can not cope with this for much longer." Beth informs me gripping my hand.
"Hush its okay. "
"No more kids after these two. Andrew can get the bleeding snip he can."
"Sure he can. Its only fair."
"Exactly. Sometimes I think you have the right idea. Not letting a man get near YOOOOOOUUUUUU!"
"Your talking crazy." I replied.
"Want these babies out now but God I am scared. How Are we going to cope Anna?"
"One step at a time hon. Muddle through it, find a way." I said trying to be reassuring. Another contraction hit her then. "Come on Beth remember the anti natal classes, the breathing exercises."
"Oh dren ouch pain OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" She replied although she did remember to breath properly.
"When you get to be so smart." She added afterwards.
"I do not know." Its not that I classed myself as particularly smart. I was just miss average after all. Not to good at anything when I thought about it. But Now was not the time to comment on that.

Two hours later like this, complete with puking, (nobody ever tells you about that, or the fact you may just crap yourself-nice!) plus wandering round, crawling on all fours and all manor of positions trying to get comfortable Beth was finally dilated enough to push. I thought my ear drums where going to burst the amount of times she screamed into them. It was not a fun time for her though, she refused pain relief which I think she was now regretting.

I think the admin assistant come receptionist type was also regretting sticking her head in and enquiring about checking her in. Apparently Andrew forgot it, Beth was clearly not in a fit state to do so and frankly she was not letting me go anywhere. At that time I was down on the bed in replacement of Mr Scruffy getting the stuffing gripped out of me and trying to catch a breath or two myself. Sadly Mr Scruffy had met a tragic end ending up getting flung at The Nazi Nurse who still refused to let her push.

The contractions where getting worse, so it's time for the epidural. Or at least it would be if Beth had not been so Stubborn and refused to have one. Now, there are some women who do not get an epidural because they want to have the baby "naturally." These women are Possibly A grade insane. Or made of sterner stuff than me. For if I had the chance for an Epidural when in labour with Rachel I would have grabbed it with both hands and attempted to administer it myself. there's no earthly reason not to have an epidural. Let me tell you, if people in days gone by could have had an epidural they would have done. . There's nothing "natural" or sane about willingly suffering pain. And I mean pain. But Beth did not want one and so that was that.

Anyhow eventually, like I said she was dilated enough to start a pushing. Beth weirdly has her legs up in the stirrups, the doctor is sitting there, the midwife has backup, and all is happening. Beth starts screaming starts pushing. This is when I think I become pretty useless and Andrew would have been on the floor cold. . Sure, I offered encouragement and held Beths hand and rang Andrew to let him know it was all systems go. but the mother to be knows she has to push, so what's the point in telling her? (I still did, by the way - I'm not that much of an unsympathetic wrench which is what Beth called me at one point. I hope that was the pain talking and not something she actually meant. Because that would a self confidence knock let me tell you. . ) This is when is becomes apparent that childbirth is like this extended metaphor that Andrew liked to use. : The woman is a door. Here comes a giant carrying a Army tanker. Look! He wants to shove it through the letter box.! Now, a normal door would just shatter, and although it would be in pieces, each piece would be happy. But women can't shatter, or literally split themselves so that the Giant can get the tank through. so the giant has to fit that tank, whole, through that letter box. . Not easy. Or fun. Or pain free.

Eventually though baby number one came out with one large wail from Beth. Andrew arrived just in time to see her being born, (ah the advantage of a private hospital thanks to a BUPA health care plan! The one good thing to come from working in the supermarket it seems. ) Beth looked absolutely shattered and Andrew looked a bit green but both had a huge grin on their faces once they heard her scream. I mean think about it, your suddenly dragged into the world after months of being cocooned in a nice warm safe shell with every need provided for you with no effort required. Yeah man that would cause me to scream to.

10 minutes later a baby boy came out. He came out sucking his thumb. Surprisingly both had a mop of ginger curls and both where perfect in every way. Andrew done the honours of cutting the umbilical cord and once he managed to steady his hand you could tell he done so with pride. Once they had been cleaned up and weighed , and Beth had been stitched up we where presented with two very gorgeous twins.

"Wow they are simply amazing. "Andrew said, the vision of a proud dad.
"Yes, yes they are. And apparently hungry" Beth sighed as both babies latched onto a breast each. They took to it straight away. Judging by the look on both the happy parents faces I knew my services had become redundant. Besides they where not the only ones hungry and I had just spent 6 hours with a woman in labour. Whilst I would do it again anytime, (but please god not any time soon.) I was tired, covered slightly in beths body fluids and oh so hungry.

"I think I will leave you to alone to bond with them. Before I go though, what you going to call them?" I asked.
"Oh Gosh, we need names! And pictures, definitely need pictures to. " Beth exclaimed tearfully. I had seen Beth cry an awful lot over the last 40 weeks but this seemed to be happy tears this time.
"How about if Anna Picks them?" She added.
"Can I take the pictures to?" I asked. I knew that Andrew wanted me to do them anyways so they could get a family picture, which is cute. I had already managed to take some at quiet times during the labour and even got an artistic one of Andrew cutting the cords, (Ew gross but whatever they wanted!)
"I like that idea?" Andrew said, a ghost of a smile playing across his face. So I managed to cajole the proud parents into some sort of suitable pose for a family pic before Andrew took over and got some of me and Beth and the babies.

"So Names?" Andrew asked. "Something Sci Fi like!" He added.
"Oh in that case Welcome to the world Adam John Johnson and Aeryn Kara Johnson."
"Hum, Not to sure about them." Beth said.
"I am teasing, John Alex and Kara Jane."
"Better, we will have to think it over for a while though." Andrew said.
"Yeah, like when mammy's had some proper sleep." Beth added as she slipped down under the blanket. Andrew laid the twins into a crib and give me a hug. I give Beth a gentle kiss good by and headed out into the corridor. That was where John Paul and Darren found me trying not to cry as I wandered about trying to find them. Just as I found them I could feel myself begin to feel light headed before everything went fuzzy and black.
Chapter Four. Anna's done What?

Andrew and Laura Rose arrived right at the start of visiting Hours. Laura was ready to play big sister I think but she did seem a bit confused to where the bump had gone. As they walk in, the same admin assistant who dared came in whilst I was in the middle of giving birth was going through some forms to get me the hell out of their. The hospital was nice, and clean and everything a good hospital should be like but man the staff needed people skills. I just wanted to get home and back into my space.

Andy seemed confused though. " What? Your leaving the hospital today?"

I took pity on him, after swearing he was not getting anywhere near me again I do allow him to kiss me. The poor soul is after all an often-confused future husband type after all so I put it in simple terms.

"Yes." I say. I try not to seem to relieved. After everyone leaves I explain to him that everyone has had a poor night. Correction we had a very poor night with no sleep. Private rooms do not come complete with sound proofing and so could hear the every public break up of the folks in the next room. As we kept drifting off in the early hours of the morning , people kept coming in prodding and poking at us - checking vitals, that sort of thing. Whilst it is nice to know that we where getting our moneys worth , they would, of course, turn on the lights and bustle about, disturbing the rest of the twins. Le Sigh as Anna would say. . So when I learnt that we did not need to stay any longer than 24 hours, I immediately began making plans to check out. So here I am filling out the forms to get us out of here.

Saying that Andrew did not look like he had a whole load of sleep either. I commented on that and really wished I had not.

"Apparently Anna stumbled out of here last night and well was found stumbling around confused and inconsolable. Really upset about something. I, as loyal big brother, have spent last night upstairs with her trying to find out what was going on and trying to convince her that she needs help!"
"Holy Moly!" I said. "Yet she seemed fine when she was here." I added. The feeding was going well.
"It appears she had everyone fooled. Anyhow they give her something to help her sleep and they stuck her in a room with a real cute nurse and she seems okay now. They could not really treat her without her permission so I think its going to be therapy time again."
"Wonderful. Just when she seemed to be doing okay."
"I know. What we going to do with her eh?"
"She has to want to help herself. Although she did seem to open up to that bloke the other night."
"John Paul. Yeah she did, he has a way with people. Apparently he works for a place that offers free therapy. What is it called again."
"Mind?" I asked. "I remember seeing an advert for them on the wall."
"Yeah that's it. Listen we can deal with that later I want edited highlights."

I thought back on the previous nights events for a while.

"To be honest it hurt like hell. At times I did think about asking for pain relief ."
"I am surprised you did not!"
"Us women are made of stern stuff!"
"I know love, I am disputing that for a second. I know better than that!"
"Just so you do" I ignored the fact that this was the first time he called me love. I knew he loved me but sometimes he was not that great at showing it. Which suited me fine as my ex was full of big gestures but they where fake. Besides he was here with me right now and that's all that counts really. That plus his healthy.

"So?" He said prompting me. The boy twin (and yes we really did need a name for them soon!)
"When they say giving birth is wonderful they really do mean it. It is a shame that you could not be here for it."
"Beth, you know I would love to, its just I can not, I just can not do it."
"I know. And maybe someday you will be able to figure out why."
"Yeah!" He said softly. He looked distracted for a moment. I had a feeling that he was not telling me something but he snapped out of it. "So lucky to have you."
"I am lucky to have you to." I meant that, I honestly did. "I am sure Anna has managed to give you the story of what happened."
"In graphic detail. Or in her words, lots of screaming, you tried to strangle her at one point, the mid wife was a Nazi, lots more screaming, you ruined Mr Scruffy but he died a noble death, the receptionist wanted paper work doing. This sound familiar so far?" He asked with a grin on his face.
"Yeah it does. I think at some point I told her that you where going in for the snip and that she had the right idea by being a lesbian."
Andrew laughed at this.
"Yeah she told me that to. Still it is something we should talk about. We have three lovely wonderful children, maybe I should.."
"Should what?" I asked him.
"Get the snip." he said. He looked thoughtful.
"Really?" I asked him. I must have sounded suppressed.
"Yeah, definitely." Girl twin started crying then.
"You can start with changing her nappy instead" He said.
"Oh wonderful, smelly nappy gross!" He said. Never the less he got stuck in changing the nappy like a pro.

Twenty minutes of just generally chatting and snuggling later there was a bit of a commotion outside my room. As ever Anna had something to do with it.

"Oh every little thing she does is magic, everything she does just can't be wrong." I could here her singing.
Another female voice was protesting.
"Your crazy" There was definitely laughter in that voice though. It sounded American.
"Certifiable. Because Even though my life before is tragic, now my love for her carries on. " Anna stopped singing. "It did you know. I never forgot you."
"That's so soppy. But you always where a sweet one." Yes the voice was definitely that of an American.
"I know."
"Bet that's got you hurt a few times hon." It sounded sincere. Andrew looked like he was trying to figure something out.
"Yeah , it has." Anna sounded down then.
"Recently."
"I got du8mped by text last night, um two nights ago, jeez what day is it."
"Tuesday. God how out of it are you."
"Not very now. Two days ago."
"Wow that sucks. I want to make it all better, I never forgot about you Anna Maria Johnson."
"Well make it better then."
"Okay then"
"Your single right?" Anna asked. I guess she got the response she was looking for.

Andrew leapt of the bed, looked out the window and turned round with a grin. Laura grinned back at him. She really is a daddy's girl.
"Them two, ahhh" He said. He banged on the window before opening the door. "You know Lori its nice to say hello before making out with my sis."
"Why you feeling jealous stud!" Lori replied. Anna just grinned before bounding in and leaping on the bed.
"Beth, Lori, Lori Beth."
"Pleased to meet you." Lori Said. "I guess you're a proud mommy!"
"Yeah. Likewise, I guess you and Anna are old friends."
"Lovers actually." Anna replied. Lori looked shocked." well we where and their is no no denying it. You and me together where fantastic, you made me feel real special you know. And I am not just saying that, you where the one for me."
"I know, I know, and you know…" Lori said. Anna and her shared a look that obviously had some significance to them but me and Andrew where totally clueless. Anna tells me that we have a similar look, and understanding of sorts I guess. All lovers do if they know each other well enough.
"I know. Believe me I know." was Lori's response.

I would be surprised if they made it out the building before the lost clothing. Sicks weeks later me and Andrew would be engaging in the same activity.

Finally I got out the hospital and it was an amazingly liberating experience to be able to walk instead of waddle. To not have such a huge strain on my hips and back, to be able to see my toes. The last month I suspect had been pretty much awful for everyone but it had took a toil on me physically. It felt good to be able to get about under my own steam without major pain. If having little Laura rose was bad then the twins where really bad. I shared that thought with Andrew as he secured them into the car seats He had trouble getting them both installed into the car, I remember watching him curse and shove and push and poke. Now though he was having trouble getting two wiggling newborns installed.

Then it hit me. We had three kids under the age of two to look after. And panic set in. I gripped hold of Andrews Arm.
"Andrew." I crocked out.
"Yes Beth." He asked.
"Its just hit me, we have three kids who are all in nappies still."
The same realisation hit Andrew then.
"And Anna."
"And my mother. Maybe."
"Jesus Christ, how are we going to cope?" We said in unison.

Somehow we all arrived home safely, all three kids sleeping in the back throughout the journey. We where thankful Darren was home when we got their and he put things away as we put the children down for their naps.

"Group effort. that's what is going to be needed around here." Darren declared.
"Absolutely." I agreed.
"Happy to help." He said. "That's what I am here for, to keep daddy fed, visitors entertained, try and keep cohen exercised, Anna sane and allow mum to get so sleep. Speaking of Anna she is with John Paul."
"I thought she was with Lori?" Andrew said.
"She back on the scene is she. Can't keep track these days. No wonder Anna was in a weird mood, thought she would come in all down in the dumps and sobbing about Rachel?"
"What is Rachel got to do with anything?" Andrew asked before another look of realisation crept onto his face. "Oh God, I totally forgot."
"What!" I asked now totally confused. Anna really did not talk about Rachel that much. Well at all actually.
"Its Rachel's birthday today. I am such an idiot, I should of realised." Andrew muttered as he sank into the couch. I sat down next to him.
"Rachel? As in the child….Oh!" I added. "I had no idea."
"That's how Anna prefers it. She has tried so hard to move on past this but well she obviously can not." Darren said. "Which I can totally understand given the circumstances regarding Rachel and the adoption and I should probably stop talking before I put my foot further in my mouth."
"Whys that then" I asked. It was inevitable someone would ask So I figured it might as well be me.
"Your, I can't say, your going to have to ask her." He replied. In the end we got him to give us a clue. We wish we really had not.

Chapter Six. Tough conversation time.

I was having a pretty good day considering, hanging around the local dojo, getting to know a few people and helping out with a few odd jobs.
When I got home that day I found Andy and Beth pacing the floor. Not with a crying twin a piece in their arms like one would expect with new born babies but apparently they where waiting for me.

Actually I knew that already. Darren had phoned me frantically whilst I was out with John Paul. Who for the record has a real long name given how people are usually named. His Full name is John Paul Barker plat. He was actually in the midst of telling me about how Baker Platt had come about when Darren's call came.

Its an interesting story actually and one I feel like I should share. Not that it has any immediately obvious relevance but because it's a touching story. The "Barker-Platt" surname was formed during the First World War, when two best friends named "John Barker", and "Robert Platt" were enlisted in the war efforts together. Robert Platt, being an only child, voiced his concerns to John that if he was killed in the war, his surname would not be carried on. Tragically Robert Platt was killed in the war, and out of respect to his friend, John Barker had his name changed by deed-poll to a double-barrelled "Barker-Platt". This is the only case of the surname "Barker-Platt" in the country, all Barker-Platts are descended from the original John Barker, and the majority still reside in Hartlepool, whilst several have moved further a field and include residencies in London, Hull and Surrey . Its true, it must be because instead of writing it all out I just got that from Wikipedia. So that's how the baker platt sir name came about. John Paul had a certain sense of pride in that and how he was able to trace them. Turns out that John Paul himself comes from Hartlepool and still visits home from time to time. I wonder how he ended up in Skid row as the natives call it now? I wonder what Hartlepool is like actually. I asked him that and he said he would take us down with him the next national he attends in Hartlepool. Which made me think that John Paul is now made of awesome.

That's , the name thing that is , also similarly why Andrew and Beth are now Elizabeth Baker Johnson and Andrew Baker Johnson. Beth really did not want to give up her sir name (who would have thought she was a bit of a feminist at heart?) and Andrew wanted to keep dads as a tribute to him. Which again is touching. I do not see me getting married and if any more children are going to come from the fruit of my loins then they will definitely become Johnson's to. Because dad deserves to be remembered.

Anyhow children, or rather Rachel was the reason that Andrew was pacing, and Beth was trying to get him to sit down. I asked John Paul to come with me the second Darren had fussed up that he could not keep his big mouth shut. Or in his words…

"Anna I am so sorry." He sounded like he was hiding at the Fly and Jug. Which suppressed me given the fact that the local brewery and authorities condemned the building as unsafe and unfit to live in let alone have people around in.
"What for?" I asked.
"I could not stop myself." He said. He was luring his words which confirmed the fact he was defininitly in a pub somewhere.
"From doing what?" I asked, slightly dreading what he was going to come out with. The last time we had a conversation like this he had confessed to kissing Pete, the time before that he was ringing from a police cell.
"I told Andrew, Anna, I told him about what really happened with Rachel. Oh God I am so sorry."

My response was what John Paul called a rather colourful collection of swear words in many different languages. After I had calmed down a bit, the practical side of me kicked in.
"Darren, where exactly are you at?" I asked.
"The Fly. I miss this place."
"I know you do mate. Stay there. I am on my way to get you." I said.
John Paul took the phone off me as I went to get my coat. As I stumbled back in I could here him say the words, "You drunken fool, you're a egit." Into an empty phone. He then turned to me and said, "Okay Kiddo, lets go get him."
"Lets go face the music" I said miserably.
"And Dance."

So after we dragged Darren away from the fly and out of the way before the police turned up and sobered him up I found myself getting driven back home. I wondered just how the events of today had transpired. Seriously meeting Lori had been a wonderful case of serendipity, if that's the right word to use. Despite what others may think about us to, and yes it was rebound sex for both of us. In the back of her van that she had converted into a place she slept in to. She always was a bit of a free spirit to be fair. It was very Oz from Buffy like actually, she actually said that's what she muddled it on. Which is well cool and surprisingly combatable.

But now is not the time to be thinking about that. For I have an angry , scared , hurt and confused brother that's looking for an explanation for a situation I had no control over. Or so it seemed at the time.

Oh God, I really do not want to be reliving this but I have no choice. It was all going to come out in the wash sooner or later, I knew that but it does not make this any easier. Its at times like this I really miss my gran. She would have been able to get Andrew to see rationally what had happened. Maybe she could have even explained it to me. I still do not know exactly.

"What happened Anna" Andrew said. "What happened with Rachel.?"
"I honestly do not know. She was adopted. I was sixteen and the father was frank. Yeah I didn't tell you that Andy because you would have went mental and gotten yourself into trouble. He got so blind
stinking drunk that I do not know , he must have gotten confused and mixed me up
with one of his girlfriends or something."
Beth Coughed. "Tell him Anna" She said.
"He sexually abused me since the, well as long as I can remember. He said not to tell otherwise he would hurt you and mam. It was our little secret, I was daddies special little girl. God I could use a drink now. "
"That's the road to a whole world of not fun, to use one of your expressions Anna." Andrew said kindly. He got up and pulled me on the couch beside him.
" So Nine months of burying my head in the sand she came along. It was painful, it was scary and I just did not want to deal with what was happening. So I managed to get myself around to corrines house, good job her mothers a nurse right?"
"Right." Andrew said.
" What else do you need to know. God its at times such as these
that I think about her and I should not. My choice to have her adopted seemingly. , I
mean hell what type of life could I provide for a kid when I was a brat myself. Especially one whom was born disabled. Plus there was no way I was going to take her back to that environment. Social services agreed, she would have been at risk it was obvious to anyone with half a brain that I was in no state to look after her, and my so called parents where going to be fuck all help. So the doctors in the hospital informed the police and social services. I spilt my guts to them, told them everything but they done nothing about frank because well I was over 16. Or so they claimed, no evidence really, or so they claimed but they have dna testing, they could have proved it and had him on that. Raping a minor or something. They should have done something, wouldn't be in this mess now. Any how They , social services , went to family court, got some sort of order. I willingly signed it, God I signed my daughter away Andrew like she was an old toy or something. She lives somewhere in Scotland now, nice couple got her a lawyer and a teacher so I figure she has a chance in life. Better chance than what I could have provided for her, Get a letter from them every Christmas and birthday with photographs, its nice she looks really happy and pretty , she is doing well, she actually defying all odds, walking and talking, at a special needs school but is doing well. but you know its painful at the same time. Franks response was the worst, remember when you came back on leave?" I chocked out. I was crying now, it brought back some really horrible memories, ones I was trying to deal with still after all this time. Ones I did not reminding off especially under these circumstances.
Andrew looked horrified. I think he knew what was coming next.
"Yeah?" he mumbled. "Mam was so high. She was all bruised and god I highly recognised her. And you where living with Lori in her parents home. Refused to go back. Didn't realise why at the time"
"He shooted her up so many times and she willingly let him, Then he made her go through cold turkey and forced her to have sex with him repeatedly so she could have another hit. He repeated that for about a week , you went back and I snuck in one day when I knew he was out, with Pete. We found her in a pool of blood where he forced a golf club in her. It was a mess. We took her to hospital, Lori drove us over but frank found her and discharged her. Then he found me and told me that if I didn't go back then he would kill her. In the end though he did anyways . Should have refused to go back she might have had a less painful ending. The worst part of it though " I could not bring myself to tell them..

"it was your punishment for telling people about what was going on." Beth said. She sounded hollow. Looked like she was lost in some distant memory. Andy looked like he was about to puke, in fact he ran out the room really quickly. Oddly for the second time in three days it was john Paul who held me as I sobbed again. This was getting to be a bad habit but god he made me feel safe enough to let go of all the tears I had not shead regarding what had happened.

"It was all my fault." I sobbed.
"No it was not, you where just 16 there was nothing you could have done." He said soothingly. He stroked my hair, rocked with me for a bit. Upstairs one of the girls where crying and Beth went to deal with them, robotically like she was going through the motions. She was just going through the motions now I think about it. After all she was wrecked to. And still I cried. Cohen has an amazing ability to tell when I needed comforting and he come and left on the couch next to me, nuzzled his nose at my hand. I shifted so his head could rest on my lap and stroked his fur for a bit.

I still really wanted that drink. I also wanted to know about the scar John Paul had.

"So that's twice in as many times you met me that I have both fessed up a horrible secret and cried on your shoulder." I said.
"A deal is a deal." He muttered. "Does not seem appropriate to tell now though." He added quickly.
"Why not." I asked. "Nothing would be appropriate now lets face it, I managed to split my brothers mind into peaces, put beth in a shit situation and darren got really drunk."
"Yeah." He agreed.
"So fess up, how did you get them scars."
"Same reason I started Aikido. Abusive ex went mental with a kitchen knife and I put my hands up like" He held his hands up in front of his face, like he was trying to stop a person from punching him or something.
"Defensive wounds then?" I asked him.
"Ay love, that they where . " He said. He started rubbing my back with his left hand and let cohen lick his right hand. "Anyways the hospital, cos they needed stiching up, told me about this guy who was looking to set up a self defence class. I dumped the ex, started going to this guys class, eventually moved onto aikido and thirteen years later the rest is history. Something posative came out of that."
"Wish their was something possative that could have came out of the mess…." He hushed me.
"Well they might be. "
"Huh?" I asked.
Beth wandered into the room. "Might be what?" She asked. She sounded well shattered.
"Something possative to come out of anna's story. Because I am looking down at Anna right now and seeing an incredible young lady who has survived all the shit that life has throw at her. Come through a really bad time. By the way feel free to correct me if I am wrong. "
"No your right. When I first met anna , well hon to be honnest when you came for your interview I had wondered what had walked through the door. Her interview was a memorable affair.
"You had said to come in when I was performing in the fly the night before. Man I had such a hangover after that night"
"We could still smell the alchol on you."
"That was not from that, I had tried to take mams off her and she threw it at me in a rage. " I shuddered at the memory.
"Yeah? " John Paul asked.
"Yeah. It was obvious even then, that she did
not have two pennies to scrape together and she had tried her best to make
herself smart. However, she did not manage it with her over sized clothes
and grubby bandage over her wrist and sticky plaster covering a rather large
cut on her check. You could not miss it really. It was a deep cut, which probably should have
had stitches as later it scared really noticeably. It joined the other scars that where their already."
"I was known as scar girl in college. It is one of the first things you notice about me now." I said. I shock my hair loose suddenly feeling self conscious about it.
Beth ignored that as she carried on.
" On paper, she was even more messy with a mixed record of misdemeanours with scattered points of praise. I could tell she was keen and needed the work, and to be honest at the time we would have
settled for anyone whom turned up. But there was something about Anna, she seemed like no matter what she would be reliable and trust worthy. She just needed a chance to put herself right."
"Honnestly beth, I never thanked you for that. I was vready to give up completely by that point, Really was, I was angry and hurting and things where pretty desperate at home. I do not know what would have become of me if you had not give a job." I said. It was the truth though beth shrugged.
"Someone else would have." She said. " But God she came through so much. Think about it now for a second Anna. you where in a mental health ward being force fed and where self harming again. Your eating properly and are at a reasonable weight and have not self harmed in a very long time. You came through a court case with all that business and grief associated with that, you been stabbed, had a kid, seen heaven knows what and your still here and fighting. Seriously love you really arm pretty darn tough. "
I was in tears again.
"That's the type of person I need. You know I work a youth mentoring service right." John Paul asked thoughtfully.
"I thought you worked for mind." Beth said looking slightly confused.
"I do as and when needed but my main job is working with teens who are going through what Anna has. We are looking for someone who has come through the other end of that willing to just mix and chat with them, someone that they can relate to rather than an old sod like me."
I cut him off quickly.
"Your not an old sod."
"I am to someone who is Twelve years old. Anyways I think that you would be perfect for that. Theres training and councoling and qualifications and stuff involved."
"It is a good opportunity hun. After all it is the type of work you did say you wanted to get involved with. And I think this will be fab for you to do." Beth added.

She did have a good point there.
"What sort of training?" I asked.
"Any you want, even get you trained up to be a councilour with the possibility of paid work at the end of it."
John Paul said. The Fourth doctor grin was back. "You do not have to decide straight away but if you are interested just give me a call."
"It is something to think about" I said thoughtfully. Suddenly I felt really sleepy. I had been feeling really relaxed for a while but now I could barely keep my eyes open. So I just give in and drifted off to dream land. It was the best nights sleep I got in a very long time. That night I dreamed about Lori and how fabulous sex with her had been, instead of Frank. It was a pleasant dream.

Chapter Seven. Lucy Jo and Hartlepool.
"John Paul, can I ask you something, and tell me to sod off if I am out of place." I asked him.
"Go ahead, shoot."
"By Any chance are you gay?" I asked. I hoped the smile that settled on my face would make him not take offence.
"I sure am hon. How did you guess?" he said with a chuckle.
"Anna let you hold her. Your not Andrew or Darren so it kind of put you into the category of gay. She would never let a straight guy hold her like that."
"Oh. Well I feel honoured then." John Paul said. "So Anna?"
"One out and proud and badge wearing, card holding bannour waving lesbian." I replied. "Also a little femanist at times." I added as an after thought.
"Thought so. " He said looking down at her now deep sleeping form.
"Yeah. That was a nice offer you made her there. She is going to take you up on that by the way."
"Not necessarily, some people feel that they can not cope with that sort of work. The kids can be a bit demanding."
"Even better, she needs a challenge like that. She would leep at a chance to get away from cleaning the local petral station. It was the only job she could get once the fly and jug closed."
Andrew wandered in then.
"Anyone fancy a cuppa?" He asked. He looked shakey still.
We both shook our heads no.
"Nah me neither." He said, joining me on the love seat I was currently occupying. "Look at her. Out like a light and she is not screaming or sedated . Mate I sure wish I knew how you managed that, we may all get a bit of sleep."
"You got three kids under three, sleep is going to be a distant memory for a long time." John Paul replied. "But there is a technique I can teach you if you think it would help."
"Definitly. Short of dragging Lori here every night, which to be honnest I do not see happening given annas poor love history we will try anything."

I adjusted my position on Andrew to curl up in his arms. It felt good to be able to do that to without bumps and aches and pains getting in the way.
"We best get her off you in a minute like before shes out to far." I added.
Darren came stumbling down the stairs. "Laura needs her sippy cup apparently." He groaned holding his head. He seemed supprised at the scene before him.
"No blood shead, everything is in one peace…that was not what I was expecting."
"Yeah I know, bit of a mircal that" I said.
"And is she actually asleep there." Darren asked again
"Yeah she is." I confirmed. "I best go sort her out" I said as I could here Laura rose start to get grizzly on the monitor. I saw how late it was. "Christ wheres the time gone." I muttered as I dragged myself up the stairs.
"Yeah its too late for you to be driving back home in this. We got a spare bed upstairs you can use tonight John" aNDREW added.
"Ah here is fine." John Paul said.
"Sure. Okay let me get you a pillow and blankets at least." Andrew said. "And mate thanks for taking anna out of our way for the day."
"No problem, any time." John paul said. We really lucked out when Darren found him as an aikido coach that's for certain.

It was true, as much as it shames me to say this me and andrew needed some time to our selves with the kids. I am sure Anna would have disapeared for the day anyway, we did talk about that actually when the twins where still bumps. At least though we knew that she was with other people doing something fairly constructive. John Paul later informed me that she helped go move about three hundred mats from various places in the area and set them up. He is kidnapping her for the weekend for an international apparently. Which is something she will find terrifying and no doubt love in equal messure.

Their was suddenly a series of three children crying.
"Blast!" was Andrews response.
"A child each, okay troops lets go." I said. "Urgh this is going to take some organisation skills. Can't they take it in turns."
"That's Kids for you" Darren said as we all trooped out.

An hour later we finally settled them down. We grabbed some sleep whilst we could as we knew that it was going to be a precious luxury. And well tomorrow was going to be a weird day with everything that had happened to date. That would be the understatement of the year.

The next day was very weird indeed. You know things are going to be rough when you had a almost two year old daughter that got real sick over the night and that really was not fun. The twins thankfully where good sleepers and only woke up when they wanted their nappies changing. Wonder whose kids we ended up with as this was not the case with Laura Rose. Or maybe we just got very very lucky indeed. Either way sleep did not happen much after all for an entirely different reason.

We had our car stollen. Crap. As had John Paul. Double crap.

We where informed of this by Anna. She was just about to take Cohen for a walk when she spotted they had gone.

"Oh My God, the cars have gone!" She shrieked. Cohen Barked loudly in accompiment.
"What she going on about?" Andrew murmoured from somewhere near my left arm pit.
"I said both cars have gone!" Anna yelled really very loudly.
That got everyones attention. We all got up and sure enough both cars had gone. As had a neighbours and over the roads.
"Ah Frak!" I cursed as Darren went to report it missing.

Unsupprisingly it was at that point that Laura rose decided that she was going to become really really really ill. Which really was just how you wanted to start the day.
"Hate to say this love but that looks like a case of the chicken pox" John Paul said.
It was at that point anna groaned and andrew moved her away from laura rose.
"She has not had the chicken poX?" I guessed. I hoped I was wrong.
"wrong, she has had chicken pox, twice" Andrew said. "She really suffered with it both times though. And Shingles"
It turned out everyone had had the chicken pox as kids which was lucky. As Darren sorted out the reporting of the missing cars, which we knew we had no hope of ever seeing again I got laura rose in the bath to try and stop her itching so badly.

Looking back it should have been obvious that she had then. A runny nose, grumpy (grumpier than normal that is!) bit of a temperature - blah blah. I didn't think anything of it, but then came the spot on her cheek. Odd I thought, it's not like a young child to get spots, and she is too young for puberty spots! I just assumed it was nothing though , too tired being pregnant and all.
I did not think anything of it until Now. Her whole trunk covered in little red blisters. And now even a few hours later we have gone from from having just a few to having them on every square centimetre in a matter of hours. I could almost see the popping up in front of my eyes. They were everywhere from top to toe. In her mouth, , in her ears, on her tummy , her fingers, soles of feet. You name it, it had a spot. So I gave her a bath. I shall be honnest with you . I gagged when I lifted her out. The feeling of her soggy spotty skin on my hands was just horribly vile. Give me a new borns nappy over that. The slight advantage of her having the pox though is she can not her whole mouth and throat were covered in huge big pox, no wonder she had lost his voice. sHe also had them on her eardrums! Out comes the camoline lotion and nail clippers then.

By the end of the day though it was bad. She could not sit down. her bum was so bad with it, raw and bleeding. Still I guess it's because she's in a nappy and the spots got infected and sore. The poor wee thing just cried and gasped every time she moved. But she was not as bad as the fellers. John Paul had to hang around for the police to come and takle details and statements of us. The three of them though went pretty much gaga over what was happening. Did I really just discribe them as gaga . I need more time with intellegent adults I think!

Anyways all I heard of all three of them was poor skin, poor wee princesse blah blah. Yeah right! Drama queen more like. Daddy's little girls are so precious. Me? I couldn't stand the moaning from her. What are these men like with their daughters? I do not remember my dad being like that with me! Apparently Anna has a vauge memory of her own biological father going through something similar with her when she had chicken pox the first time.
And when that's all over, the next thing is the scabs – I just have a feeling I will be finding them everywhere, in beds, on pillows, in clothes, in hair, for weeks: Yuk Yuk Yuk to borrow a phrase from Anna.

Eventually the police called back. By some sort of mirical they had managed to find both mine and John Pauls cars. Which is very lucky as we both relied on them cars. Apparently the thiefs had took them on a tow truck in the dead of night and was court on CCTV. Then he tried to flog them to a used car dealership who got suspicious when he couldn't provide a key. So Andrew and John paul went off to go get the cars back from the garrarge (at the cost of 250 quid a pop, ouch says our bank ballances! But its still cheeper than buying new cars.)

Later on they told me they had to be finger printed to confirm the cars where theirs. Which seemed a bit suspicious but a quick chat with Mr Grey afterwards put Andrews mind at rest. Apparently it was something to do with forensics which I will never pretend I will be able to get our heads around.

Anna for her part was great dealing with the twins. She still spent most of the day out with cohen, I think she needed the time away to get her head straightened out. I was glad to overhear a conversation between her and Peter though.

"Yeah and Beth was all like Seriously love you really are pretty darn toughand I was all in tears. But its an opportunity."
other pause. "True, god that place is so skanky, its gross honnestly, truly horribly icky. And guess what else, I met a bloke who you will adore so you have to get your ass back up here soon."

I left her talking on the phone for a long time. It was Peter, he would help her get some perspective, I hoped.

Chapter eight. Going to Hartlepool

"Yo Anna what you up to tomorrow." John Paul asked as he headed out the door. Him and Darren had been huddled around a load of books and stuff for the past few hours. Where as I had been on the phone for equally the same amount of time with Peter and then with work telling them not to expect me back. I had told everyone of this to many cheers. No one cheered as loud as John paul when I informed him that I would be taking up his offer. He grinned as he informed me that they would be able to cover expenses and that Darren had applied on my behalf. Which was nice of them.
"Not much, Why." I asked, wondering what was going on.
"Well me and Darren are making a trip down to Hartlepool for a few days , going to visit a few old mates of mine, go training with my old Sensei, want to come."
I looked at Beth who give me the thumbs up.
"My Dad is coming around to help out for a few days, his going to look after the spotty one, we will be fine." She added.
"And we want alone time." Andrew added.
"And JJ will put us up so no expenses are involved." Darren said.
"And we have an ulteriour motive, we want you to go have a look around a similar project to what you will be working in." John Paul added as he wrapped an arm around me.
"Okay Okay I am convinced. A road trip sounds good. Count me in."I said, wondering what I was getting into.
"Excelent, so I will pick you two up around about 6!" John Paul said.

The trip down to Hartlepool was pretty average. A lot of motorways, a lot of singing that sounded like the cats chior, John Paul drives like a maniac at all times, lots of ques and lunch was ate in a motorway service station. It was a choice between that and Burger king. The two blokes would not have minded their but lets face it its junk food. As Beth pointed out I may be eating again but I am still wary about what goes in my mouth. So the three of us came to a compromise. We got properly cooked food in the nice clean service station and dinky doughnuts from the burger king. And that was that really.

We oddly went down in a van rather than John Pauls car. He explained it was because the boot had been damaged by the thieves so he had borrowed his boyfriends van whilst he was visiting his folks back in france. That explanation was reasonable I suppose, although I did have my suspicions that John Paul really liked driving a van with symbols of gay pride painted on it. It got a few startled reactions.

We finally arived in Hartlepool at 2 Pm. Aparently if we had not gotten stuck in the trafic on the motorway it would have been sooner. It was a bit different from how I imagined it to be honnest. When I heard it was a seaside town I imagined water and sand. I let that slip to John Paul and he laughed. What I got was pretty much an average town with some touristy bits added to it. John Paul said he would take me on a tour of the town the next day which I appreciated.

Anyhow we pulled up in front of this house in the middle of what appeared to be a really long street. It seemed nice enough, there was children playing and a few cats scattered about.
"Here we are then." He said. John paul helped me out the van.
Two blond girls appeared from out the house we where parked in front of. It was obvious straight away that they where sisters just by the way they looked. The smallest of the two bounded up to us.

"Hyia John Paul. Hi Darren" She said.
"Hello Kiddo how you doing?" Darren asked as he ruffled her hair.
"I am good. And you must be Anna." She said.
I nodded.
"I am Clara" She said "And that's my sister Claire."
Another blond came out the house then. "Girls you going to invite them in then ?" She said. "And don't forget to get their bags."
"Right" Claire said sounding grumpy.
"Older sisters are stupid." Clara said. We all trooped up the path where their mother introduced herself as Mellissa and JJ introduced hiself by Giving me a hug. That felt kind of strange but I found myself hugging him back..
For the first time in my life though I really did feel out of place and uncertain of myself. As Mellisa played with the cats (which seemed to take an instant dislike to me) and the blokes gosspied I finally found myself on the playstation with the girls. Clara was the most friendly of the two as she showed me how to play tetris on the playstation. Mellisa and Claire made everyone pasta for tea. It was a good choice and I still can not work out what was in the source but it was like nothing I had ever tasted before.

I later discoved that Mellisa had been badly injured in a car accident and was in a great deal of pain everyday. I could relate to that actually. Clara let that slip as she was giving me a tour of the house and showed me where I would be staying. I also learnt that clara was twelve and was a yellow belt in the juniour classes. That kid is going to go far I think.

Having only attended one of John Pauls classes I had no idea what to expect with Jamess classes. As It turns out another drive as the class was not in Hartlepool but in Peterlee. I was glad that I was able to meet another one of his students before hand as a female banged on the window around about half past Six that night.

"Hey Its Lucy Jo." Clara said as she ran for the door.
"Hey Clara how you doing."
"We got guests" She said as she stepped aside to let Lucy Jo in.

As I saw her I immediately thought wow. Her short hair was styled into a sort of punk hairstyle that had been dyed red. She was dressed in long black velvert knee length boots, A black dress, a royal purple cardigan, red coat and black cap. It was obvious she did not care about fashion as much and I smilled as I saw the collection of badges on her bag. I chuckled as I saw badges declairing "I am not sitting on the fence, the fence is sitting on me" , " Straight? So is spagetti till you cook it," Closets Are For Clothes and "Bi and Proud of it."

She saw me looking at the badges.
"Oh yeah they always get a lot of attention." She said without any awkwardness.
"I like them, there cool. So your Bi then." I asked.
"Yeah, I am" She said. She saw James looking. "What?"
"Your missing one?" He said.
"Oh which one is that then?" She said.
He grabbed something of the counter. "This one." He said holding his hand out. She took the object in question and laughed.
"Cool, I like it." She said as she swung the bag of her shoulder and pinned yet another badge to it. I looked at it and laughed to.
"I have to get myself one of them!" I said.
We shared a look which said a thousand words. Mel and Darren looked confused till James pointed out the badge.

"Stop the hatred, Feel the love, I support gay marrage , don't like it well tough!"

"Oh nice one." Clara added. "I made that you know."
"Its cool" Lucy Jo said. Clara beemed.
In the end as the van had more room to take people in we decided to go in John Pauls Van. Well he called it a Van but it was more a people carrier, which was lucky as we picked up another person on the way. She and James chattered in french the entire journey leaving me and Lucy Jo lost so we had a conversation about well a lot of stuff. I think she was as relieved as me to have someone her own age in the car with us.

Eventually we arived at the dojo, it was cold and we had to wait for the Judo class to clear out. Lucy Jowho had discovered that this was only my second class ever offered to show me a few thing and James seemed really pleased with her for doing so. John Paul rolled his eyes comically when I declined her kind offer but she just shrugged and said

"Ah its okay. Some people need to watch for a bit." and with that she bounded off to chat with a bloke with an orange belt and spikey hair. Whatever he said made her laugh and he smirked at this.

The youngster all crowded on to the crash mats, seemingly lacking any enthusiasm but the adults where keen to get on the mat and warmed up. I stood around feeling like a bit of a lemon though till Lucy Jo took charge again and pulled me off to my side.

"Okay I am going to tell you what someone told me about my first few times on the mat okay."
"Okay." I said, looking around wide eyed. The class, although much smaller had one thing to freak me out. The ratio of women on the mat compaired to blokes was not equal. Not at all. The juniors, or Pug fugs as they got called where not aloud to train with the adults, "Cos they are too rough and smelly to" according to James. Which left Me and Lucy Jo . The nice French woman was just watching the class and assisting with the juniors apparently. So at some point it looked like I would be working with not only a bunch of strangers, but a bunch of male strangers. And that thought freaked me out a little bit. Lucy Jo saw me looking distracted so waved her hand in front of my face.

"Join the line at the end (the others will show you which end!), facing the teacher. We all kneel and bow to the picture over their, " She said pointing to an image of an old japonease guy, "That's O sensei and he is the guy who created aikido. That's something that should and then the warm-up begins.
We all spend a couple of minutes getting warm and jumping up and down and having races and stuff. - not hard stretching, just moving each joint to the maximum range of movement, so that it is nice and loose and easy to move later. If you get lost at any point, just follow someone next to you although that will probably be me and so will be equally as lost. Don't worry, no one will laugh at you unless they want to do press ups. Everyone was a beginner at some point, and we all make some pretty funny mistakes still . If you do get stuck, James or one of this mob will come and help you. "
I nodded. "Okay that does not sound to bad" I said. Its true, I could handle some stretching and team races.

"Then some foot movements On some strange Japanese commands from the front "yoe...a jimmy... itchy, knee, sand, she," the entire rest of the class performs a sort of dance looking thing , and you're left standing there like a muppet , or trying to follow them about four steps behind. At least that was me and so the class stops, a quick demonstration is done."

Her spikey haired friend came and joined us. " because us lot are hopeless and we get shown how to do it properly."
"He speaks the truth. Don't worry, it won't be long before sensei takes pity on you and shows you what to do. The foot movements form the basis of the techniques you get to try later on , and are also a defence in themselves. If there is one thing to remember as a begainer it is : always move out of the way. Especially Of Him" She said pointing out another guy with an orange belt.
"Okay!" I said.

"Then just to confuse things just when you think your getting the hang of this aikido thing they then stick strange things with your hands into the mix. If you are doing them for the first time they make little sense, but after a while you can see how, when done correctly they are an integral part of the moves we do. Sometimes we play this game where the higher grades get up and we get to shout at them what they are doing wrong, bit like at a pantomine. "
"Do we." Her friend asked.
"Well we do in Hartlepool! Maybe if you got yourself back there you would know that" she said giggling.
"Touche." he said. "By the way I am Dave."
"Anna" I said introducing myself.
"Hint, if you just ask for dave most of the class will come to assist you, we have a lot of Daves and Robs." Lucy Jo said.
"Right!"
Now we all practice rolling . Some people can break fall already but that's not needed till green belt so that's ages away. They try and get me to but I want to roll before giving myself a headache before I try one."
"That makes sence." I said. Rolls, I can handle them, I used to do them a lot at school.
"Then comes the main part of the training. We get paired off and at first you will be put with a higher grade who will have as much as a clue than us lower ones. Unless you get a black belt and even they get confused at times. "
"As a beginner you will be opposite someone more experienced, who will take you through each exercise in turn, showing you the key points to remember. You will change partners after each exercise, and it is customary to exchange bows as you begin and end each exercise with a new partner. This respectful gesture is repeated whenever you change partners throughout the rest of the class." John Paul shouted over.
"Although she is right about this lot being a bit hopeless." James added.
"Then, we learn some techniques. The sensei will gather everyone around, and demonstrate an apparently simple technique, usually a defence to a wrist grab or something similar, against one of the higher grades (coloured belts). Everyone splits up into pairs, and you spend the next two minutes trying to work out which way up your hands are supposed to be before you start, and you realise that the simple technique is actually really quite hard - the sensei just made it look easy!" Lucy Jo said. "But when you get its like Ha I can do it!"
"After a minute or so, the sensei will come over and show you again how it is done properly - and once you start to get the idea he calls everyone back to go onto the next part. Its all broke down into easy bite size peaces. After a few more techniques, all seemingly easy but with hidden complexities that mean you end up facing the other way - or holding the wrong arm, you find a technique which you can do. Your 6 foot 4 partner, built like a brick privy, collapses onto the floor and whimpers in pain when you grab here, step just there, twist the wrist like so," She said demonstrating something that made the wrist twist in a way that looked like it hurt a lot. " and apply pressure like that, and this is the point at which you realise that aikido is actually really cool. This is also usually the point at which the sensei will let you in on a little secret - the fact that your partner is repeatedly slapping the mat with the one hand he can still move is code for "Ow, that wrist lock really hurts, please let me up now! That's what we call tapping out and its generally a good idea to stop twisting and pinning then otherwise you get a reputation for being awkward. Not everything works on everyone though."

"Especially This one." John Paul said. "Show them how you can bend your elbow." I did so. I discovered that it can bend backwards.
"Sweet!" Lucy Jo said doing the excat same thing as I did.
"Urgh your both freaks." James said. "It is a bit tricky for a beginner who is just learning the techniques themselves but you'll be ok as long as you remember to avoid the attack. " James said.

"Then All too quickly, we all line up again and, looking at the clock, you realise the time has slipped by. After a couple more bows, you make your way off the mat and start putting your shoes and socks back on. You're warm and tired - but feel like you've really learnt something different, and that you're now part of the group. Till you realise all the mats have to be put back and its usually us muggins with the lower grades that lugs most of them!" Lucy Jo said. James smilled.
"Then , as you discovered Anna As you go through the next few days, you'll find yourself practicing the foot movements, forward, back, back and forward, just so you can do it that little bit quicker next week. That's when you realise you're already looking forward to it. "

And with That James clapped his hand and Lucy Jo grabbed my hand and showed me where I was meant to be. That little chat helped me feel a little better but I was still wondering how I would cope dealing with blokes still.

As it turns out I need not have worried. After we Bowed and done warm ups, (which involved star jumps, basic stretches, a few team games, playing tig , rolling around on the floor and the like just as Lucy Jo had said.) James Looked across the group.

"Good turn out, my worst nightmare, every instructors really but good turn out. One of every grade , marvolous. Give me a bunch of yellow belts and its easy to run a class but not when theres a bunch of everyone else. " If he had any hair then I am sure he would have ran his hand through it just like David Tennant as the Tenth doctor does. Instead he wandered over to Lucy Jo and done it to her hair instead.

"Okay Jo, what do I do in a situation like this?" He said, a grin on his face.
"Well we have new people here, two people who have passed their gradings last weekend and some visitors who happen to be black belts." She replied. "So I say they need a kicking so Anna can get a display of the cool ness of aikido. Then divide into grades and work on grading stuff." She replied. The door opened right then and her eyes glanced at it, looked away and well done a double take.
"Um sensei." She said. She practically wimpered actually. Jamess eyes looked towards where she was indicating as the class gasped and muttered amongst itself. Clara actually shouted out, "What is he doing back here." So I get the impression that he was not a popular guy. James Whispered something in Lucy Jo's ear, she nodded, bowed out and went out the oposite door. Clara followed her, giving a scowl at the mystery guy as she went. By The door was a man. He looked to be in his mid forties with white hair and quite a stocky build. He was wearing a yellow belt and I am sure I saw him scowl when lucy jo ran off. I wonder what had gone on between then as I could feel her trembelling, violantly before she left the dojo.

James quickly demonstrated something with John Paul I vagely recognised as a Irimi nage and left us with the instruction to do it twice, receive it twice and move on. The French lady, who as it turned out was name Celeste grabbed me and She broke it down for me and I just worked with her trying to figure out how to do it.Meanwhilst another black belt also called Darren worked with The Pug Fugs on a separate mat.

James and Clara came back in about Five minutes later and called all the black belts over. There was still no sign of Lucy Jo which was slightly concerning. The mystery guy was getting a right belting. Dave, the orange belt, spikey haired one, on Celestes Nod came over and worked with us.

"Who is that guy?" I ASKED HIM.
"Trouble." He replied. "Word of advice, avoid him. " He said.

The group of black belts appeared to be having a vote of sorts judging by the head nodding and gestures coming from their group. They then split up and celeste went out the same door that Lucy Jo did. James Clapped his hands and we all went off to the side.

"Steve, front and centre." He barked out, like a military comander of sorts. There was a palpatable tension in the air. That Sir Wan of Kerr who needs a real good kicking. seemed reluctant to do so.
"Fine. " He said as he made a gesture. Two black belts picked him up and unceramoniously dumped him at James's feet.
He looked towards the group of Pugs. In total there was four girls and one boy. They all looked between Eleven and Fourteen.
"Juniours can you please wait outside, go get a drink or something." He said.
They looked confused besides Clara who just looked mad. They filled out and I could see them hovering outside the door. Celeste came back in then. She silently took a seat next to me.
"Get comfortable. This could take a while." James said. There Was shuffling as people adjusted their position from on their knees to sitting crossed legged. Lucy jo came back in. it appeared that she had been crying but seemed less frightened. Dave give her a thumbs up whilst someone else called out, "Good for you."

James signaled that she should approach. She looked uncomfortable but did so.

James met her half way and they had a brief conversation. "You sure." He said.
"Their part of this class to, they should have a say unless your not ya know?"
" Dave Romano, Carl" He said. He waved then over and they came over. Another conversation which made both of them looked shocked but they both nodded their heads like they where agreeing to something. The one called carl went to the door and the pugs filled back in. Apparently Clara knew what was going on and had told the others as they all where giving their best teenage glares. And believe me teens can give a good glare.

" Okay Luce.." James said. "Go ahead, in your own time." He said, sitting her down besides O' senseis picture. It looked like he was putting himself between her and That Sir Wan of Kerr who needs a real good kicking. the way he sat next to her. The two black belts that had dumped That Sir Wan of Kerr who needs a real good kicking. by James feet still had a hold of him.

"Well as some of you know, me and That Sir Wan of Kerr who needs a real good kicking. started class roughly at the same time and we got on well. We fell into, what I assumed to be, in a kind of friendship of sorts, even though he is old enough to be my father . in fact he has a daughter my age. Anyhow we swapped numbers in case one of us could not make it to training so we could pass on apologies to Sensei or needed a lift etc. I gets a phone call from him almost two months ago under the guise of a group of us are going to the beach so I can get some wood for work, want to come along and help out. I stupidly agreed and he came and picked me up." She croaked out. James put an arm around her.

"Its okay keep going." He muttered.

Alarm bells started ringing in my head. I had a feeling I knew where this was going. I caught john Pauls eye and he motioned for me to go sit with them. I did so as silently as possible.

"There was no group but that did not concern me at the time because I thought I could trust him. He told me that they where coming along later and that we had gotten their a bit early. So we went and looked for wood an none suitable and It started to rain so we took shelter to wait it out. Yes my Innocence and lack of common sense knows no boundary's, I realize that now. I am really inexperienced in well life in general. "

"Your Not." James assured her.

" So we took shelter near the old wishing tree. Where he pushed me to the ground and started to tickle me. I told him to stop as it made me uncomfortable , and he did, instead he started kissing me. This freaked me out, I told him so and he apologized, only for him to do it again, told him again , he told me it was only a bit of fun. Trust me, not my idea of fun in the least. Told him that and this happened again only it was rough french kissing got forced into my mouth despite me turning away and covering my mouth with my hand. The position he put me and the fact he overpowered me kind of made it impossible to fight him off and naturally no one else was around. He put his hand over my mouth because I started screaming at him to stop it. He had his whole weight on top of me and he had me proper trapped. Then the middgies started biting him and he got real mad. He started rubbing himself against me and making comments like he was going to…" She paused. She was crying again.

"Its okay, your doing good." James said reasuringly. He took hold of her hand and ruffled her hair. She seemed to find comfort in that. Besides me james did something similar. I could feel my heart racing, I could emphasise with her. "You okay" He whispered to me. I nodded silently. "I didn't know this was going to happen." He said. I knew he was lying. "Yeah you did but that's okay, you want me to chat to her after this." I said out the side of my mouth "Busted "

"Rape me and leave me for dead." She finally chocked out after an atternity. "I saw the carpet their and I was so scared. The rain stopped and so we walked back to his car and being in the middle of nowhere I had no choice but to let him drive me home, because he dragged me into it and I was too scared to stop him. T he asked me to forgive him and that was just him having a bit of fun.He phoned me up later that night and said that if I told anyone then he was going to hunt me down and kill me."

"There all done." James said. Then to Steve. "Whats your side of it then?" He asked.
"It was a joke." That Sir Wan of Kerr who needs a real good kicking. said. "At first, then the moment got to us."
The class errupted at that. "Some Joke!" Dave shouted out whilst celeste said something in french. Claire shouted out "Don't you know No MEANS No!" whilst the rest of the class said something similar. James stood up and clapped his hands. The class fell sillent.

"Now we have to decide what happens now. Do we allow That Sir Wan of Kerr who needs a real good kicking. to continue training here?" He asked. Clara Broke from the line then and Stood up.

"No, because he phoned me and Claire that same night and told me the same thing. " Lucy Jo looked shocked. "What?" She croaked out.
"I can not believe your even considering letting him stay." Someone else called out.
"Neither can I." James said. "But in the intrest of fairness the big chief says we have to do this. That Sir Wan of Kerr who needs a real good kicking. you have anything to add to this?" He asked.
"I don't regret it for a second. I would do it again. " He said. "And I am not sorry I done it because she knew I had feelings for her."
"And everyone knows that she kissses girls more than boys." The teenaged lad, who was apparently called Kris called out. "Oh come on its not like its strange or bad" He said of his fathers look.
"Course its not!" His father replied. "I just wonder how you know about it."
"Her ex girlfriends sister is in my class. She told me!"
"it is true." Lucy Jo said with a sigh.
"Okay I am going to go along the line and I just want you to say yes if he should be aloud to stay, no if he should not be." He said with a sigh. It was obvious he did not want to do this as Lucy Jo Burried her face in her hand.
"Kris?"
"No way, boot him out "
"Sophie" "No" she muttered shyly. She seemed to be the youngest of the juniours.
"Claire" "Are you kidding me?"
"Clara" "Dad have you completely lost the plot!"
"Take that as a no then. Celeste."
"Non"
"Dave" "No frelling way, in fact he should be locked up with the key lobbed away "
This continued along the line in a similar fassion. He reached me.
"Anna, you're a member of this organisation. Would you train with him"
"Absolutly Not!" I replied. "The guy is a jerk. " I was amazed by how much conviction I managed to say that with.
"Darren?" "I agree with Anna. He should be banned for life."
"John Paul ." " Well Tony mate. I Would not want him in my class."
"Carl." "He is not training with my kid. Someone told him to stiop somehing and he did not, whats to say that he would not do the same regarding tapping out."
"Dave." " Ccarl raises a good point, I can not take that risk with my Sophie."
"Lucy."
"I can not concieve the idea of him and me working in the same place." She seemed to be a bit more composed now.
"And you steve. What do you think? " James asked the now condemmed man.
"I think I should be, I have the right to train as much as anyone else." He said. And before anyone knew what was happening he sprung up and was heading towards lucy Jo. Never have I seen so many people move so fast, half the class went to tackle him, the other half went to grab him and Celest tried to trip him up. James Lifted Lucy Jo onto his back and john Paul did the same with me. The Juniours lept onto him and it was Claire who discovered a way to get him down. An apt way if you get my drift. Down he went. The next few minutes where chaos as That Sir Wan of Kerr who needs a real good kicking. stried to fight people of, but he was well out numbered. Eventually calm was restored, That Sir Wan of Kerr who needs a real good kicking. was escorted out the dojo by the local police men and James told everyone to take a break.

Actually that was a bare faced lie but it would have been kinder to lucy jo in my opinion compaired to what actually happened. And what should have sort of happened. I told John Paul that after wards and he agreed it might have been helpful to have it out with him in a place she felt safe but the dojo was not an appropriate place for it to happen. That made sence though. So what really happened, I hear you asking.

Well maybe not. But I am telling anyways.

Because sometimes other peoples stories are more intresting.

Lucy Jo did look over towards the door. Ashe did do a double take, and give a wide eyes look that reminded me of a startled rabbit in the headlights of a tank driver.
"Oh My God. "
"Sensei" Someone called out. Possibly a Rob or a Dave. I never found out who it was. It was definitely a black belt.
"Oh My God" Lucy Jo stammered out. "what is he doing here?" She said.
"Good question."
James looked up at dude at the door. Thern he looked at Lucy Jo and then the rest of the class. The That Sir Wan of Kerr who needs a real good kicking. was now stood at the edge of the mat, a defiant look on his face. James went pale. You could almost hear the thoughts going through his head, whilst beside me I could feel lucy jo trembelling. I looked at her and she was staring at her big toe. The class nudged and muttered at each other as James motioned towards John Paul. John paul shrugged back in response. James then whispered something in Lucy Jo's ear, she shook her head still looking at her toe. She picked at some loose skin on it, which was kind of icky I guess but everyone has a nervous gesture they have. He give her a quick nod, touched her shoulder and she sighed.

James walked yto the front of the class. The That