Excerpt: Down to Vegas, Up to Canada

“Termites? I have termites?” I asked Elzie Opsahl.
“Yep and fleas,” Elzie siad. I could not belive it. I had always been so careful as to which insects I let in my home.
“How did I get fleas?” I asked.
“Who has been in your house lately?” he asked. I thought about it deep and hard. So many people came and went in my home, it was hard to keep track.
“Various prowlers and delivery persons. I don not know for sure,” I said.
“You are going to want an exterminator.” An exterminator? iN my home? They would mess everyhting up and I woul dhave to remove my pomegranates to avoid contamination. That could take awhile.
‘Who could I get and how soon?”
“I could do it for you and anytime you want,” Elzie saidd.
“How much?” I asked worried. I did not have muc h money.
“Fourteen pomegranates,” my eyes widened, “and an orange.”
“Is th epr roblem that serours?” I asked not wanteing to give up fourteen pomegranates.
“it is. More serious than you can imagine.”
“Will it take long?”
“Only a week or two. Not much more than that.” What was I going to do for a week or two? Where was I going to live?’ And what about my usual prowlers/ What would they do during that time?
“As soon as I get Genevieve and my pomegranates, you can start the extermination,” I said. Elzie nodded his head and left my apartment to gather his extermination equipment. While he did that, I found all my pomegrantes and placed them in several baskets after leaving fourteen on the table along with one orange. I packed Genevieve up and ungreased the door handle so my prowlers would know that I was away. I grabbed my things and departed to wander aimlessly until I found my new home for the next couple weeks.
I wondered many minutes before I stumbled upon Bird Golba in Central Park viewing my tree. She spootter me from the corner of her eye and waved me over to her wheelchair. I put my pomegranates down next to my tree and set Genevieve on one of its branches.
“I have not seen you since that comedy club. How have you been/” she asked with a large smile across her face.
“I have been doing well. How ‘bout you?” I asked taking a seat in the soft, luxourous grass.
“Splendin. Absolutley splendid. Bud and I are really hitting it ioff. We have gone on several more dates and they have been a delight. He listens to my stories about Hollywood and I laugh at his jokes. But in all honesty,” she lowered her voice to a whisper and leaned forward, “his jokes are terrible.” Sher roled her eyes and I laughed.
“What brings you here? To this tree?” I asked as I lay back in the grass with my hands behind my head.
“oh, I was l onely and this tree looked like good company. What abou you m ‘ dear? I have never seen you travel with so many pomegranats before.” I chuckcled.
“I have termites and fleas,” I started but before I could finsih Bird began..
“Oh, poor thing. I will have my butler give you a good sponge bath. We willt ak e care of those presky bugs,” she said rolling her wehhellschiar away a couple inches.
“I am not inested with termites and fleas,” I said slightly offended. “My apartnmetn is infested. So I might camp out while the bugs are being exterminated.”
“Here? In the park?” Miss Golba said surprised.
“Yeah. Why not? I will be surrounded by things that I love and things that love me,” I said thinking abou the birds.
“you should come back to my place. You can stay there for a couple day while your house is being fumigated,” Bird offered. It was very generous but I was not so sure if I wanted to stay with her. Bird was a sweet old woman but she was also kinda wacky. Like myself. But if I stayed there, I would not have to worry about sharing my pomegrantes with the homeless or with the animals. That was a plus.
“That sounds great. Thank you so much.” We sat for awhile outside my tree and watched Genevieve play in the trees. We had a wonderful time and ate many pomegrantes. I did not mind sharing with her.

* * * * * ** * * * * * * * *

I was walking next to Miss Golba as her butler wheeled her down the street. Her condo was a couple miles from the park but she enjoyed the walk and the smog. She siad that it helped her sinusus which I did not understand.
As we were walking, a young woman approached me. She stood in front of me and would not elt me pass. Then she placed her right hand on my left shoulder and had a concernced look on her face.
“How are your gall stones faring?” she asked. Gall stones? What gall stones?