Stan the Man
an excerpt

So where exactly should I begin? I could go, I suppose, with the actual beginning and all? I feel like I should start this “A long time ago, in a Galaxy far, far away…” but then I would likely either start thinking SW and GFFA and I would end up going on and on about that for endless pages and well, I fear that by the end I would owe one certain Mr. George Lucas a whole bunch of money for some sort of copyright infringement or something. Oh no, you see I am less than a paragraph in and already I am off track, off focus. Damn ADD. You would think that a perk to turning vampire would be that some of life’s little annoyances like that would just, poof, go away, get sucked out along with the human life force and all, but nope, all of my little idiosyncrasies and shortcomings, yeah, they are still very much a part of me. Who am I? I, thanks for asking, am Stanley, better known by my online moniker stantheman. And can I just tell you, I hate that the S and the M are not capitalized. I mean, I look like some sort of idiot with that name like that and I swore I filled in the user info right but now I can’t change it. Yeah, I still don’t have a way with computers either in this other life of mine. Come to think of it, not much has changed at all. I still look like an aging, balding, widening around the midsection middle age man, and shit, I still even need my damn glasses. That reminds me that I must go look for them in my ruins of a basement when I am done with this blog/journal thing. Yeah, that’s right, I live in a basement, and lo and behold, it isn’t just any basement, it is, wait for it….My mother’s basement!! Are you getting a clearer picture now? The middle aged, average looking, Star Wars loving guy who never moved out of his mother’s basement. I am that guy! Well, I was that guy anyway. Now I can add vampire to the end of that statement, and man I gotta tell ya, it sounds much cooler that way. Of course, getting people to believe you is a bit of a bitch, they, like I once did, think that vampires should be all sexy and suave; debonair I guess you could call it. Think Gary Oldman in Dracula. I should be so lucky. But as fate would have it, I looked nothing like that man in my former life, so in this one, yeah, I still don’t look anything like him, or really like any other vampire in the movies. I would have even been alright with that mime guy in Interview With the Vampire, I mean he ain’t exactly a gorgeous creature, but nope, still nothing. I am no more, no less than I was in life than I am in eternal life. The only difference is that whole eternal life thing.