Earth is Hell!
an excerpt

In the distance, a steam whistle sounded. The line in front of Dwain relaxed slightly. Shift change time in Hell was a time to take a breath of thick, polluted air before the agonies began again. Dwain and Ian exchanged high-fives with the oncoming pair of demons, then made their way to the staff exit from the pit.

"You seem a little depressed, Dwain," remarked Ian. "I know, it's Hell and all, but you don't seem as energetic as you usually are."

"I dunno. I am kinda tired. Good thing the weekend is coming up." Dwain speared a soul furtively lurking near the staff entrance.

"Get out of here before I get mad," Dwain growled. "You really don't want to try to sneak through the staff exit. You know what we'd do to a little turd like you? Ever see a bunch of cats with a mouse?"

The soul writhed around the talon deeply embedded in its chest. "No, sir."

"Gahh!" exclaimed Dwain as it flung the soul back towards the front of the line. "Let the second shift nail the stupid clown."

"See, that's what I mean, Dwain. You would have played with that soul for at least 10 minutes before you would even think of letting it go. And it would go in pieces. You know what you need? A vacation!"

"Demons don't get vacations," replied Dwain, as he ran his talons over the special lock on the staff exit. "That's an Earth custom."

"Was an Earth custom. Demons have vacations written in the new contract now. You have seniority - they'd have to let you go if you asked."

"Vacations." Dwain shook his massive skull. "What would I do, wander Hell and kick the occasional soul? What kind of vacation is that?"

"Man, Dwain, do you have some catching up to do! Tell you what, let's get showered up, we'll head on over to my place. I'll have my slaves cook us up some steaks, and I'll fill you in on what's what with vacations. What do you say?"

"OK. Not much going on at my place anyway." Dwain said dully.
Ian slapped him on the wing. "You are going to have the time of your life, I promise."