Excerpt: Land of the Dead

These are notices that are on the side of the arrivals room in the Land of the Dead. (Having insanely long signs is an excellent word count boost!)
‘Please come and join us for Chudo! If you haven’t heard of it, it’s basically a cross between chess and judo. Each piece is played by a different belt, we are particularly in need of yellow belts to play the pawns and a white belt to get beaten up if your team lose or just don’t like you. Don’t worry we’re not at all competitive and it’s all just for fun. We also need a trained army surgeon preferably with extensive field experience; our last one just could not take the heat. Please drop by for a visit at any time!’
‘Flying unicorns we need your help!!! We are trying to set a new record for the number of goblins we can have in the air on the backs of unicorns at one time. Don’t worry all spurs have been confiscated so the pesky little uglified dwarves won’t be able to pinch any of your blood. If we do set a new record then the alcoholics have offered to stand everyone involved a drink. We really need to make the most of this because you know how often the alcoholics offer to share the love. P.S. anyone with ideas of what we should drop on the penguin enclosure as we fly past is welcome to share ideas. Come on! We need revenge for the ice unicorn that we all know was not anatomically correct!!!