Excerpt: A Collection of SHORT Stories

A Shortage Of...

~ Stature ~

“Access ladder Blue. It would have to be Blue, wouldn’t it?”
“What’s wrong with Blue?”
“I don’t know, it just feels worse than the other access ladders; maybe it’s the way the hatch always jams or the fact that it wobbles when someone climbs it.”
“All the access ladders wobble when someone climbs them, and all the hatches jam every time.”
“Yeah, but... I mean... Well... Blue is still worse. Why is it that all the hatches jam?”
“The specs given to the contractor were wrong. They’re off by just a little, and there wasn’t enough room in the budget to have the contractor make a whole new set of them.”
“What about the ladders?”
“They were the cheapest ladders on the Satellite, Ship, and Station Safety Inspector’s acceptable product list.”
“You know, that makes me feel real warm and fuzzy inside.”
“Glad to hear it. Get a move on; the sooner you start the sooner it’ll be over with.”

~ Fuel ~

“...and don’t forget, that’s four, not three.”
“Hm? What?”
“I said,” the captain sighed “you’re getting the four o’clock night shift in the corridors. You know why, right?”
“Yes...”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why am I giving you the four o’clock night shift in the corridors?”
“Because I messed up.”
“Because you messed up, how?”
“Because I... gave an inaccurate response to a question posed by a superior officer?”
“Why was your response inaccurate?”
“It wasn’t the response you wanted?”
“Because you weren’t paying attention!”

~ Water ~

“Isn’t this planet fantastic?” I asked with sincerity in my voice.
“Yeah, a real gem. What are we going to drink?”
“We’re going to make a well! Won’t that be fun?”
“Wait, you mean, like, a hole? We’re going to be drinking from a hole?”
“Well, we’ll clean it first.”
“Oh, yes, that makes all the difference.”
“I thought it might.”
“I can see myself bragging to my friends right now: ‘Yeah, I don’t drink water from just any hole, I drink water from a clean hole!’.”
“I mean we’ll clean the water before using it. Come on, where’s your sense of adventure?”
“I must have left it on the ship; if we hurry we can get back onboard before it leaves to go back to Earth!”
“Ha-ha, very funny. Well, sour lemon, I plan on making the most of our new home. Besides, how can you not love this amazing scenery?”
“I can’t see it, must be hidden under all those ugly trees or behind that oversized pebble.”
“That’s a mountain.”
“No, really, you must be kidding.”
“Don’t think you can fool me, I know when you’re being sarcastic.”
“Clearly I am not skilled enough to outwit you.”