Taking a deep breath, I stepped under the spray. I dropped my head back allowing the water to fall over my upturned face. Closing my eyes, I felt the hot water sliding over my skin, I closed my mind, and felt numbness spreading over my body. I turned around letting the water pound against my back, enjoying the warm sensation against my cold skin. I stared at the tiles in front of me, they were green, I had thought they would be white in a hospital. I soaped my body, scrubbing myself over and over.
Until now, I have no recollection, at any time in my life, of not being aware of my brother’s presence. Being not only twins but also empaths have provided us with a door to each others souls, sometimes even thoughts. All through life, we have been inseparable, leaning on each other, always being there for each other. Little did I know, that his life would be cut so short in such a violent way, no time to say goodbye. He has been the only constant gift in my life, the light that guided me through the darkness in my past, now I‘m lost.
I am so scared. The reality of loosing my brother, the only right thing in my life full of wrongs, is unfathomable. His life slipping through my fingers, and there is not a damn thing I can do about it. Emptiness is now what keeps me company, allowing me to escape from the pain for a little while, shying away from reality, hiding, hoping it will not see me, will not touch me, will turn around and go away. I've spent every hour of the past few days, in a sort of limbo, resisting to face my future, alone. After days of living on hope, that also died, I had expected to feel angry, after all I was being cheated again, but I didn't, I felt drained, empty

I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, not bothering with a towel. I stared at the image staring back in the mirror. A ghostly white face, shallow cheeks, wide gray eyes so dark they looked black. I slowly ran a hand over my almost totally shaved head, feeling fuzz against my hand. I checked the top of the sink and floor, making sure I did not leave any of my hair. I did not want anybody to pick up after me.
I pulled on a pair jeans, then looked through my backpack for the toiletry bag, taking the little square box, I ignore the little voice that tells me to stop, trying to entice me to change my mind. Courage almost desserts me, I hesitate for a moment, despair wrapping his strong arms around me, threatening to break through my resolve, but a reminder of my bleary future without my brother gives me the strength to follow through with what I must do.
I stepped into my brother's room, time stopped all the sudden. My eyes drifted about the room, to the IVs, monitors, tubes surrounding him, keeping him alive. I looked at his face. A tube in his mouth, keeping him breathing, the faint rise and fall of his breathing, bruises showing as a rainbow on his otherwise colorless face. His chest covered with bandages and lacerations on his arms. Every one of the doctor’s words are an echo inside my mind, "He's not going to make it". It was so unfair, he has endured so much through his short life, he didn't get his chance at happiness, that was also stolen. Hot tears fell freely down my cheeks as I approached his bed. He was so still, I can feel him fading, already giving up. I was so afraid. I felt my chest tighten, a rush of emotions choked me, I took several gulping breaths against the sudden ache in my throat. "You promised." I whispered. "You promised. Don‘t leave me alone." I wrapped my arms around myself as I approached his bed. I took several breaths trying to ease the anguish coursing through me, the knowledge of his impending death, shifts the ground under me. Terror, pure and unadulterated fear of being alone.
I wanted to touch his face, but didn't, not wanting to drip all over him. Instead I took his hand entwining our fingers together, pressing them against my lips, trying to choke back the sobs rising up my throat, threatening to choke me. Feelings overwhelmed me, I closed my eyes trying to breath pass the tightening sensation in my chest. I felt the blood, running down my forearms, dripping to the floor, making dark splotches on the linoleum floor.” I’m sorry, so sorry." A sob escapes my throat, then another, leaving me gasping for air. "I'm so afraid Micah."
"Oh, God, please help me." I pleaded looking up at the ceiling, tears trailed down my face. I get no response, how could I after all the awful things I had done. I sat on the bed and laid down beside him. I slipped an arm around his waist and relaxed against him, trying to stop the tremors that shivered through my body. "Micah, what I'm supposed to do?" I whispered. I pushed my face against the side of his, and talked to him, telling him how much I loved him, needed him, that I would always be with him, he would not be alone... together as always. If he was not staying -- I would follow. I willed my body to relax against his, and just let his breathing and the hum of the machines lull me to sleep.
I could hear voices, far, far away...
“Marcus, get a nurse here! Now!” .
“What? What’s wrong... Where is that blood coming from? Shit, shit!”