Excerpt: The Love Manual (codename)

From the prototype:

Luna

I walked out under the sky when it was burning and turning purple and violet, and just had to thank God for existing like this. It’s so unbelievably beautiful. Even having the luxury of the awareness to go outside and look up at the sky is a rare blessing.
I have to pray to every single person and living thing and god that has ever or will or does exist. That’s what I HAVE TO DO. I could take my shirt off and fling my arms to the starts and scream and YAWP and wild and world and hurt and sing and kiss myself and kiss the wooden desk and kiss the computer and kiss the red shirted denizens of wherever because it’s all HAPPENING RIGHT NOW and it’s so unbelievably unfathomable how can people go back and forth wish wash up down inside out world wild world maniac world big up held high big long sigh deep breath kissing the edge of oblivion learning to love the fading away sky and these huge tremendous tremolo high school beautiful bounties on each other’s head, LOVE BOUNTY ON EACH OTHER’S HEAD yes! Yes! Yawp to the 5 thousand skies. Yawp to the man in the black shirt smoking a cigar. Maya yawp. Yawp to the big ones and the little uns crawling around in the sandbox. Yawp to everything made or thought. Yawp to my crotch. Yawp to every pair of pants ever worn by anybody. Wap to all the drinks and the destitute and wap to the great loneliness of the street and the city and the lonesome wild country especially at night when all is still. Yawp to anybody looking at the sky. Wap to the great leaders of the world kissing I hope kissing somebody sometime. Wap to anybody who’s ever kissed. And to the memory of the kiss. Wap to the great bliss listening over the radio or listening over the phone when somebody else is having deep conversations especially with god in prayer. This is my prayer. May I offer it eternally one more time may I offer it eternally one more time may I offer it Eternally, one more time! Grasp me and kiss me and hold me deep in this silent focus while the lens blurs the background and all that is left is You, my lord.

I can see everything happening at once. Watch the way the light slides off brass poles and the way everything gleams in polish whether it’s metallic or not. Watch as people’s eyes light up with recognition of anything at all, watch the purr of the silent woman as she sleeps, watch as people tangle themselves up in their various interests, the intricate great human drama unfolding at every moment and each detail a petal in the garden. This is the unfolding madness that I see in each moment regardless of what my energy level or thought level is focusing on, I am breathing every moment of my life, exchanging the energy with everything around me, and most of it comes from the ground, from trees—and most of the water I drink comes from outer space. Everything comes from somewhere. Somebody worked to bring everything I touch toward me in this great velocity, it is a wonderful exchange, and how blessed to sit here postulating and referencing myself looking up as I see the sliver of icy new moon begin to peak out in the August air, and it’s blowing great wisps of clouds and leaves and freshly cut grass all around me, and I remember so much about being alive before, and all of it comes together in my doing this, here, now, not waiting but existing, not waiting but BEING, not waiting but experiencing, not waiting but holding this great energy for no other reason than because I can do it, because I am doing it, now and forever, just it, it, it, it, it—and sooner or later a desire will come up, and I will get into that as deeply as possible and I will flow with it, and I will meet it either head on or sideways, and I will go right into it or I will take my time, one thing after another, for the rest of my life, in the midst of this eternal beauty, and I am so, so, greatful that this is happening right now. I vow to watch as I include value judgments within my life because that kind of killing context is going to make me miss out when someone is making eyes at me—is going to make me hesitate when I Want to kiss someone, is going to make my voice catch in my throat when I need to speak, so I vow to remain mindful of my breath and just let these things happen, regardless of whether I think they should be actually happening or not, I will just do this, and do this, and do this, and allow this to happen, without any regard for anyone else’s expectations of how a world should be made. I will walk in nature and observe the slow, steady growth and the various gatherings of the animals and I will evalualte how I myself gather and for what season. There is a certain energy rising up within me that I find when I connect to the source of all things, that is, my breath- when I remember that everything is constant movement. I remember that I am never sitting casually by, I am not just watching as a detached being from anything, I am actually within it every moment of my life, and I have great power to make things happen. Standing here looking up at this great expanse of darkening blue-gold, with a bold white crescent peeking out from the clouds, and the trails cutting through the sky with hundreds of stories, wild stories, stories I could never imagine, stories the greatest Bard could never weave, I have to thank God, whatever that means to me—I have to express gratitude for the ability to appreciate this at all and for the space to sit here doing this, forever—I am so incredibly blessed. I am so blessed. I am so blessed. I am so blessed. I am so blessed. I am so blessed. This is the beginning of something huge, something incredibly vast, vaster than this sky I stand before, vaster than swimming the whole ocean, because it’s so incredibly open. And I cannot falter in my quest to just HOLD IT, just see it and HOLD IT in my mind, and hold it in my body, and hold with my spirit by standing upright, and saying, no, I am not going to agree with you—I do not think the world is an ugly or mistaken place. I think it is learning to grow up. I think we are learning to use incredibly intricate equipment that we have not even begun to understand. And I have so much compassion for people who are figuring it all out. So much that my heart wants to burst, so much compassion that my heart wants to go numb, because it would be immensely unbelievably crazy to walk around feeling that all the time- I would probably get locked up- I would probably be lynched or killed like Jesus on the cross, Socrates, so many others because that kind of sight is tragically terrifying; someone who can really hold up a mirror like that is going to destroy our ability to numb ourselves and therefore it’s going to upset the dynamic of those who extort and take advantage of those who are into self-numbing, people can’t make money selling products to needy people if their needs are getting met by looking into divine, awake eyes—