The vast majority of my work is written in a third person narrative, however there comes a time when you need to include dialogue. Even the most reclusive character will need to interact with others at some point. My problem is that I hate, nay loathe, writing dialogue. More specifically, it's the bits surrounding the dialogue that I stuggle with rather than the actual dialogue itself. For eg he said, she replied, he rubbed his chin while contemplating the meaning of life.
Below is an example of some dialogue that I have written. I know that it can be substantially improved. Can you guys give me any tips?
Adam looked up at the technician “how do I know which memories are real?”
“To you, they are all real” came his reponse.
“I dont want them, they were faked, they arn't me” Adam said angrily
The technician gave him a quizzical look “That is where you are wrong. Your actions and your decisions in each simulation were your own.”
Adam paused for a moment “Can't we at least delete all the implanted background memories?”
“No, if we did so then your actions would lose all context. You wouldn't be able to understand why you made the decisions you did. It would render the treatment useless.”
“but I can't live like this!” Adam shouted
“You will find a way, they all do” The technician tilted his head slightly “You have been given a gift. The gift of experience. You have lived 10 different lives in worlds that the rest of us can only imagine. You have loved and been loved. You have killed and been killed. You have been the abuser and the abused. You have faught in the great war, been enslaved by egyptians and even hunted with our primitive ancestors. All these experiences have given you insight and empathy, things that you lacked before.”
“If it's so great then why doesnt everyone undergo this treatment?” Adam replied haughtily
“Not everyone needs it. You were broken”
Adam reached his hand over and felt the scar on his arm.
“This, this is real” Adam burried his face into his hands “I killed her didn't I?”
“My dear boy, that was the event that led you here.” replied the technician as he turned and walked out the door.
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2006 - Leaving Mirtan (Winner)
2009 - One Day at a Time
50,021 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 03 52
Look at your punctuation. The easiest way to do this is remove the quotation marks:
Adam looked up at the technician how do I know which memories are real?
Does that look right? I hope not :)
Every time you've used a word instead of said, delete the word and put said there instead.
Every time you've used an adverb after said, delete it. (The dialogue should come across as angry, haughty etc. without you have to point this out.)
Now go through all your "tags", both the "said" and the actions and delete 2/3 of them, Generally, if you have two people talking, you need to indicate who the first time both speak, then if they alternate, just put in a reminder every 3 or 4 lines. If you're not sure, leave it out and when you come back to read it yourself some time later, see if it makes sense. Only include actions if they add something other than saying who the speaker is. If you're not sure, leave it out.
And don't worry about it so much.
----------Years done: 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009
Years won: 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009
Years didn't think it a good idea in October : 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009
9,000 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 05 52
If you have to describe how something was said that's usually (though not 100% of the time) a badly written line. Also, try not to use "said" or other words for talking more than you have to. Usually the lines are fine on their own.
35,506 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 06 46
Thanks for the responses. :)
So basically I dont need to add the padding between the dialogue - just let it flow? Wouldn't that be confusing to the reader?
----------2006 - Leaving Mirtan (Winner)
2009 - One Day at a Time
38,800 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 06 55
It can get confusing if you have three or more people speaking. But if there are only two people speaking you can assume they are taking turns. If you have one person say two unconnected thoughts in a row you might need the clarification but otherwise, letting it flow is fine.
I would say reconfirm for the reader who is doing the talking every six or seven sentences.
----------Slow Food Murders: When gardening goes bad
http://anovelread.blogspot.com/
http://phdsurvival.blogspot.com/
12,245 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 06 58
The context and feel of the scenario should allow for less "padding". If Adam is angry, you might not need to point that out as the preceding words would have conveyed that. Or you could use things like "..." said Adam banging his fist on the table/visibly tightening his jaw etc. However I agree you should stay away from adverbs "...." said Adam angrily/impatiently/menacingly. I hope that helped. Good Luck!!
2009- Untitled
35,506 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 07 31
Thanks all for the responses. :)
I have always hated writing dialogue simply because i really struggle with adding the 'padding'. Now that I know that I don't have to I feel a little better about it :)
----------2006 - Leaving Mirtan (Winner)
2009 - One Day at a Time
50,194 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 08 06
Just remember all those tips are great for December editing. For now though, they all add extra words, which is a good thing for NaNo.
----------jenn-
57,714 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 08 08
I agree it's great for December editing and padding your word count but I'm taking the rules suggested here and as I write will keep them in mind. That way the quality of my writing going forward will be better (hopefully).
----------Justice
Finished "The Blame Bearer"
35,506 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 08 15
Ditto :) Writing dialogue takes me much longer than writing narrative. The tips above will make my life so much easier. :)
----------2006 - Leaving Mirtan (Winner)
2009 - One Day at a Time