I have a problem, Nano forums, a rather big problem. I have noticed that, in my writing, I tend to either babble on for several paragraphs about silly things. Or, do the complete opposite. Which is, basically, just write a whole bunch of dialogue and I feel I should be focusing more on describing what is going on. To show you what I mean, here is a bit of my Nano (aaaand, please do not steal my writing. I would really appreciate it if you didn't.):
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Frustration was fuming from Caroline’s pores as she saw Paul sitting in the front of the room. His face was calm beyond belief and Caroline was more than aware of the black bags under her eyes from a night of no sleep and all studying. Fueled by frustration, Caroline sat directly next to Paul. She turned to him with a look on her face that was a mixture of displeasure and annoyance, “Really?”
“Really…what?” He responded, his eyes giving off a mock innocence.
“I tried to call you back, but mysteriously the line was busy. Now I know more about concentration camps than you could ever begin to fathom because you decided to ditch me the minute I started talking about school work,” Caroline’s voice was raised but the chatter of the other students in the room caused no one to take notice.
Paul shrugged, “I wasn’t really in the mood for studying, it didn’t take my fancy.”
Caroline’s eyes widened like a mad woman, “Are you serious? We formed a group. We should be working together, not as opposing forces.”
“Did you honestly want to work on it?” Paul gave her a long look but continued before she could say anything in response, “Don’t you have anything better to do with your time?”
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Do you see what I mean? I think . . . I am making the character's talk too much and that I am not show what they are doing. Or something. Like, this conversation goes on for about one page, Microsoft word. And, I don't know. I just feel like I am doing something wrong. Any suggestions to juice up my story a bit?
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0 / 50,000
Nov 3, 2009 - 22 29
It may be because of my background in theatre and playwrighting, but I don't think there's any such thing as too much dialogue. Especially not in your sample. There's about just as much description as there is dialogue. And every line is meaningful and reveals something about the characters and the conflict going on between the two characters. Also, every piece of dialogue is accompanied by some description about what the characters are doing and how they are feeling as the conversation progresses, which is a lot more than I do for my dialogue. So I really don't see what your problem is. It could just be a case of writer's jitters and you really have nothing to be concerned with.
I've had conversations that's spanned several pages on Microsoft Word. It could be that I'm a bad writer for allowing this to happen, but I don't think so. My characters talk. Why shouldn't they? Real people talk. I never believe that I portray my characters unrealistically or negatively by allowing them to say what they would say if they were real people, as long as what they say is meaningful and relevant to the plot.
17,587 / 50,000
Nov 3, 2009 - 22 39
There IS such a thing as too much dialogue, when your novel reads more like a script. But that isn't the case here. I sometimes struggle with leaning towards too much dialogue so I stop and ask myself. 1) What is my character doing right now? 2) What is my character feeling right now? 3) What is my character thinking right now? If the reader should know the above things, include them. Also, what is the character seeing/hearing at the time? Where does the scene take place? Details like that can really flesh out a scene.
Good luck!
59,927 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 00 10
As with the two previous comments, your excerpt appears well balanced. But try to curb such phrases as 'he responded' after a speech. The fact that he's just responded means that you are telling the reader what you've just shown him/her.
A balance of description, action, dialogue (including interior monologue) is the essence.
Good luck with your Nano.
----------MJ
9,000 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2009 - 02 04
If you hadn't complained about the amount of dialogue, I never would have noticed. There's no such thing as too much dialogue, there's just dialogue at the wrong time. And I can't find that here. Seems perfectly okay to me, and really, you don't have to show what they're doing. We don't need to know every time someone fiddled their fingers or touched their glasses or took a sip at their Bloody Mary or scratched themselves. Keep going the way you do now.