Excerpt: Gertrude's Revenge

The second fortnight after she moved house, El began to have strange dreams. Not unpleasant or scary--just extremely odd. For some reason, at the breakfast table on the days that they didn't have early classes, she only shared the least odd of them with her roommate-- and when even those made her react strangely, she 'stopped having dreams'. (then she only told them to her pet hedgehog, Gertrude Millicent Eunice Barbara Murgatroyd the Second. Gertrude Millicent Eunice Barbara Murgatroyd the Second was actually male, but even without the indignity of the name he would have been a hateful beast. He consented to let his 'owner' hold him at times, always secretly calculating how he might sink one of his stiffer spines into her throat, or stuff up her mouth and nose with sawdust so she couldn't breathe, or coerce a poisonous spider or fairy to do the job. Gertrude Millicent Eunice Barbara Murgatroyd the Second was a homicidal hedgehog, and those are more common than one might actually think.)

(later) "Do you know what all that means for me, Gertie? Do you?" She paused, then said, in something between amusement and frustration, "No, of course you don't. You're still just a hedgehog."

Deep within his tiny spiky soul, Gertrude Millicent Eunice Barbara Murgatroyd the Second planted yet another seed of bitter rage. Some day--any day now--he would escape from this abominable plastic prison. Then they would be sorry. Oh, yes, they would be sorry...starting with the hideous one with the hair in the color of urine.

"Good night, Gertie," Elise said caressingly, and Gertrude Millicent Eunice Barbara Murgatroyd the Second gave his most ferocious howl of rage. (unfortunately for him, this sounded more like a constipated squeak. The life of a homicidal hedgehog is not an easy one, and Gertrude Millicent Eunice Barbara Murgatroyd the Second's life was no different.)