Excerpt: Hope Evades Me

His rage had only risen when he'd discovered his boss had left for the day. The coward! He hands out his sour news, news that would change the lives of his employees, then had the nerve to take the rest of the day off. Maybe it was to avoid the very thing Phil had thought to do. He should have aborted his idea right then, grabbed his coat from his office, and left the building for good. But he didn't. Instead, he walked down the hall and started swinging the gun around, demanding that his boss be called and told to come back to face him. That's when Nicole had stepped out of her office, unaware of the morning drama. Phil had practically bumped into her. In his surprise, he'd taken her hostage without even thinking.

Now he listened to Nicole's words and he realized how right she was. His anger dissipated into anguish. He was in the most trouble he'd ever been in his life. He didn't want to hurt Nicole. He had always liked the intelligent, hard-working and admittedly pretty employee. He stood paralyzed, the gun still aimed at Nicole's temple. He could hear her breathing, could feel her body shaking, now that his own adrenalin-fueled anger had drained away. He loathed himself for ever putting her in such a situation.

But he still wasn't thinking clearly. Not at all. "You're right." He said quietly, hearing sirens wailing towards the building. He became aware of the shouting in the hallways, the hushed voices, too. He saw the wide eyes of other coworkers outside the office. "I've only made things worse for myself."

Nicole was struck by how calm and neutral Phil's voice was. She stood rigid in fear as she felt the gun move slowly away, back behind her head. She held her breath, uncertain what would happen next. When the gun went off, Nicole expected to feel something, an impact, pain, anything. Instead, she felt Phil's arm around her chest go limp, then slide down. Then she felt Phil's whole body fall away from her and heard a loud thump as her boss fell into her desk chair and pull several papers off the desk with him. Nicole only stood in place, now breathing in quick gasps.

She slowly became aware of something wet on the back of her hair and neck. Her right hand lifted, but only made it half way up. Her fingers clenched, afraid to affirm what she already knew. She was only vaguely aware of the voices around her, the screams, the movement. She was not aware when Sally started speaking to her. She did not see when the police entered her small office. She would not be able to say later how she left the office or the building.