A Matter of Timing
an excerpt

NaNoWriMo 2007 – Untitled
It was a Smith & Wesson Model 19. A 357 Magnum. 6" long barrel…great for target shooting. Looked like Standard Grips. I prefer a mustang grip myself. It feels better in the hand and makes for better balance. The finish was uneven and not too clean. All the real nuts who’d pointed guns at me seemed to have some kind of thing about their guns. Kept them nice and shiny. Treated them like lovers instead of next of kin, which is what they usually turned out to be.
I prefer revolvers to automatics. Standard transmission to Automatic in cars too. Hand cranked pencil sharpeners vs. electric. I’m just an old fashioned kind of guy. O.K., you got me. They’re cheaper too. Really though, I am just an old fashioned kind of guy, looking for an old fashioned kind of girl. So when she pulled the S&W out of her shoulder bag and pointed that long, albeit dirty barrel at my chest, my heart skipped a beat… but it wasn’t fear. It was excitement. Since I was a kid I’d been waiting for a woman to pull a gun on me. I often thought I’d gotten into the private eye business just in the hope of some day being in a Maltese Falcon type situation. Beautiful but deadly women… what a way to go.
“Why don’t you sit down and tell me what I can do for you?” I asked in my best “people point guns at me every day and I’m bored by the whole thing” voice. I was smiling, having trouble pulling my attention back from the black and white movie running through my imagination. I forced myself back out into the real world… she wasn’t Lauren Bacall and she wasn’t cool and sultry, she was angry and she was scared. Scared people get careless, and careless isn’t something you want a woman to be when she's pointing a 357 magnum straight at your heart.
“We’ll have to see what you can do for me” if she’d been a cat she would have been hissing “If I don’t kill you for what you’ve already done to me ”.
O.K. Now I’m confused.
“You’ve got me stumped!”
She was beautiful, but that look in her eyes was scaring the crap out of me.
“What exactly did I do to you?” I was cool, smooth, “Beautiful woman like you, I’m sure that if we’d met before I’d remember, I’d remember every minute…”
“My name” she choked up “is Della Burbank. Does that name mean anything to you?”
“Burbank, any relation to Ted Burbank?”
Her jaw pushed forward a little and I could tell that she was biting her lower lip.
“Your husband?”
“Yes”
“Your husband is a crook” Maybe not a smart thing to say, but she knew he was in prison for something!
“My husband was framed and you helped to frame him! “
“Every guy in prison has been framed, according to every guy in prison. There was plenty of evidence to convict your husband!”
“You should know, you manufactured most of it!”
“I didn’t have to manufacture a thing. Look, my job was to collect the evidence, that’s it. Your husband seemed like a perfectly good guy; maybe he just made some bad decisions. How long did he get?”
“You didn’t care if he was guilty or innocent. You just wanted your money. You’re right he did make some bad decisions, but they had nothing to do with stealing, they had to do with trusting Jerry Dempsey.”
I waited, there was more coming and I was hoping she’d work off a little of that tension before it made it’s way down into her trigger finger.
“Where did you those books they say he cooked up?”
“Why don’t you ask your husband?”
“I’d love to” she said “but he’s dead!” Tears flowed down the front of her face. She wiped them away with her left hand keeping a firm grip on the gun with her right.
This news came as a surprise.
“When did he die?”
“Two days ago. They found him hanging in his cell”
“He killed himself? And you think that’s my fault? Listen, I’m sorry sister, but I was just doing the job I was hired to do. If he couldn’t handle being in jail he shouldn’t have committed a crime!” Not a very compassionate speech but my compassion was laden with guilt. He hadn’t been what I’d label a strong person, but I didn’t see him getting a heavy sentence either.
“He didn’t commit the crime, and he didn’t kill himself!”
“So why are you here holding a gun on me?”

“You wouldn’t listen to Ted, but you’re going to listen to me”
“I’ll be happy to listen without the gun. Happier”
“I’m enjoying the thought of shooting you”
She had her fantasy, I had mine.
“Fine, but you don’t need that thing to keep my attention. Beautiful women get my attention for free.”
“God you’re an ass”
“Thank you. Now that we’ve broken the ice”
“I want answers” her voice broke again “and if a gun will help me get them, I’ll use it!” I could see her trying to pull herself together. She moved her finger off the trigger, but only a little way. In return, I relaxed a little. I might not be able to take her before she got it back up and fired, but I could get under the desk and it was specially lined with steel for just such a situation. I’d like to boast and say I’d had it made, but I actually bought it at a yard sale. Some mobster wanna-be had it in his office and when he died of old age a couple of years ago his kids put it out in the yard. It was so heavy they practically paid me to haul it away. It’s the reason why I’ll never move to another office.
“Mind if I smoke?”
“Yes I do!” she replied.
“It’s my office”
“I’ve got the gun”
O.K. Well, this was getting to be a little fun.
“There’s no smoke in the air here, no ashtrays, don’t treat me like I’m stupid. Whatever you planned on taking out of your pocket can just stay put. Put your hands flat on the desk and slide your chair up tight against it.”
I complied.
“Tighter!”
Now slide your feet forward so I can see them too.
I did like she asked.
“So, talk”
“Who hired you to go after my husband?”
“That’s confidential”
“Alright, then I’ll tell you who hired you. Jerry Dempsey. He told you that my husband was stealing from his company. I’ll bet he also told you where those books were. He paid you a lot of money to follow my husband, to photograph him and find ways to prove his guilt!”
“You could be right.”
“I was at the trial. I saw the evidence. Your name never came up, but it didn’t have to. Funny, my husband came home one night and said that he recognized you. Said he’d seen you a couple of times, said “Wouldn’t it be funny if he was following me?” Guess you’re not such a hotshot detective after all. If he’d been doing anything he shouldn’t he wouldn’t have thought it was funny. He’d have been worried.”
I was beginning to get interested. Ted had smiled at me a couple of times. It never occurred to me that he knew who I was. Why hadn’t he tried to avoid me?

My husband worked for Jerry Dempsey for 18 years. Since he was 16. They went to school together. Ted thought the sun rose and set on the Dempsey boys.
“Funny that he stole from them then.”
“Jerry Dempsey was doing the stealing from the company, not Ted. When his brother Bob found out that money was missing, Jerry blamed my husband. Bob didn’t believe that Ted would steal from them, he asked Jerry for proof. That’s when Jerry hired you.”
“This is all supposition on your part?”
“I’ve been living this nightmare for 6 months now. It wasn’t hard to piece together. The wives are all friends. Women don’t turn on their friends as quickly as some men do” “Jerry sent my husband to all those places on errands. Jerry made the books you found. He gave them to Ted and told him to hold them for him. They were wrapped up. He thought it was something Jerry wanted to keep from his wife. He wasn’t comfortable with it, he never mentioned it to me because Jerry’s wife and I are close, but he did it because Jerry asked him to. They’d been separated for a while and were getting a divorce. Jerry was always talking about how he had to keep things safe so her lawyers couldn’t get their hands on all his assets. Told Ted, “Guys got to stick together”. Ted was a good person, but he wasn’t so bright when it came to his friends.
“I read the papers. Your husband already tried that story at his trial. The judge didn’t buy it, and I don’t either. What else you got.”
I moved my hands back a bit. I didn’t have much hope of tipping the desk over, but my elbows were beginning to get pins and needles.
“Put your hands back or I’ll blow your little finger off”
She had her finger back on the trigger.
I slid m hands back out.
“Can I lean on my arms… my elbows are falling asleep.”
“Sure. Keep your fingers knit”
I did as she said and rested my chin on my fists.
“Where do you think all the money went?”
“I don’t know. I don’t have it, do you?”
“What did Dempsey tell you? You found the books, you had all those pictures, but did you turn up any money?”
“Not a penny”
“Why do you suppose that is?”
“I don’t know, I suppose Ted spent it!”
“What do you suppose he spent it on? Luxury items? You came to our apartment. Two rooms. Furnished. We’ve been living there for 10 years. A kitchenette, a bathroom, and a living room, that doubles as a bedroom.
“That’s all anyone needs”
“You think that someone who stole $80,000 dollars is going to stay cooped in a little place like that? Who are you fooling?”
“There are other things to spend money on”
“Like?”
“Like jewelry for your wife?”
“Yea, I’m dripping in jewels. Try again”
“Jewelry for your girlfriend…”
“You followed him. Did he ever meet with another woman?”
“No”
“Then keep guessing”
“I don’t know. Maybe he invested it. Had a Swiss account. I wasn’t supposed to find the money. I was supposed to find the evidence that he’d been messing with the books, and I found that. I found the second set of books.”
“Neatly hidden away in his top drawer. I know. Didn’t it seem like a funny place to find them?”
“No, not really.”
“You’re an idiot”
“I may be, but your husband is, was, a thief.”
“Look, I don’t have any money, but you owe me. If you hadn’t taken the bait that Dempsey set for you, my husband would be home with me right now. You did all the work that put him in jail. He didn’t steal. He’s dead. Now you’re going to prove that he was innocent, you’re going to find out who killed him, and if you don’t, you’re going to be dead!”
“You going to kill me? When?”
“If you agree to investigate what I’ve told you, you’ll be fine. Despite the fact that you’re scum, you have a reputation for keeping your word. You also have a reputation for being naive. Probably the trait that recommended you for the job with Dempsey. If you refuse to investigate for me I’ll kill you right now. I don’t much care what happens to me. I don’t have any kids; I don’t even have any pets. I can’t afford the apartment on my own, so I won’t even have that after next week. I don’t have any reason to stick around here, and it would give me a lot of satisfaction to watch you laying on the floor bleeding to death.”
“I don’t believe you’d do that”
“Try me”
“Well, luckily, you fascinate me. All right, I’m not doing anything else at the moment, and I don’t like to leave loose ends. You thinking I’m responsible for your husbands death qualifies as one of those. What do you say we shake on it?” I started to push back the chair. She pointed the gun at my fedora, my old, faded, well broken in and much beloved fedora that hung on the hook over my equally loved and battered trench coat. BOOM… the hat flew into the air and the hook on the opposite side of the rack embedded itself into the wall behind.
Before I could shake off the shock the gun was back aimed at my chest.
“I’m not fooling around” Now she sounded calm. Well, good. The itchy trigger finger finally got that one little pull out of its system!
“I can see that” I can be clever when I need to be.
“Do we have a deal? Do I have your promise that you’ll reinvestigate, but this time, with my husband as your client.”
“He’s dead”
“Posthumously, do it posthumously”
“Alright” I said, a little whine in my voice “I said I’d look into it. You didn’t have to kill my hat…”
The first sign of a smile lit up her eyes.
“Thank you, “ she said. “For the moment you know where to find me. I’ll keep in touch and let you know where I wind up. You’ll start tonight?”
“Yeah, I’ll start tonight”
“Good” The smile moved down to her lips. The tension in the air relaxed.
She turned her back on me and walked to the door. She opened it about 1/3 of the way, slipped through and closed it behind her. She’d never turned to see what I was doing. She probably new that I wasn’t doing a thing. I was just sitting there, with my now sweaty palms pressed back against the desk. Staring at the door. It was all in shades of grays. Nothing is Black and White.
Chapter 2

“Why do you always have to look like a scene from a bad movie?” She’s chewing gum, as always, giving it a snap every 5th chew. God that drives nuts!
“Why a bad movie? Why can’t it be a scene from a good movie? It’s all perspective you know! Look at you, you look like Sam Slade!” she says it like it’s an insult. “Do people actually hire someone who looks like that? It’s so stereotypical”
“Stereotype is in!”
“Yeah? How come you’re always in here if you work so much?”
“Gotta eat! Work, eat, work, eat. That’s all I do!”
“Yeah? Really? People want to hire you dressed like that?”
“Constantly! I’m always in demand. This is what people want a detective to look like!”
“O.K. Fine. (snap) what’ll ya have?”
“Got any corned beef?”
“This is a diner for God’s sake (snap), of course we have corned beef. (snap) You want it grilled on Sour Rye, right?”
“Right”
“Kraut, mustard… “
“In other words I want a Reuben”
“Yeah, I know. Slaw or Fries?”
“Both. And I want a pickle! I want a regular Reuben with slaw and fries, with a pickle. I knew the pickle that be her next question. She looked like I’d taken something precious from her. Like I’d stolen her Twinkie or something.”
(snap, snap, snap)She thought for a moment. Take away Nettie’s routine and she gets tongue-tied.
“Dill?”
“Yeah, dill!”
“Coffee?”
“Is it fresh?”
She ignored me and went to clip the ticket she’d written onto the carosell. A long sweaty hairy arm reached out and snatched it. Then an equally sweaty stubbly face stuck itself through the window
“Eh…I taut it wuz you! No one else eats this crap for breakfast!”
“I like to get my farting done first thing in the morning!”
“Hey handsome!” A gravelly voice sent chills up the back of my neck… as a strong pair of fingers grabbed an inch of my butt and gave it a squeee.
“Hey handsome…buy a lady breakfast?”
“Sure if one comes in!”
“Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Ha Ha Ha! Her cackle turned all the heads in the place.
“Geeze Alice, with a laugh like that you should be laying an egg…”
“Bet you wish I was laying you….”
“God protect me…. I said to myself, out loud. It was all I could do to keep from giving the sign for the evil eye. I saw Andy genuflect in the kitchen.
“Look Alice, I’ll buy you breakfast if you go over and sit in the corner booth and eat it. “ I wasn’t worried about hurting Alice’s feelings. Her skin was as thick as Rhino hide. It has to be when you live the kind of life Alice lived. Besides, we’d been friends for lots of years and she knew I loved her.
“Thanks Honey!” she said. If I can do anything for ya, and she winked, both eyes, and puckered up like she was waiting for a kiss.
“You forget I’m married, Alice! My wife gets jealous if she even hears I’ve been talking to you!”
Alice giggled and sashayed to the back corner. When she’d seated herself against the wall she reached down and pulled up two knee high socks, once white, now gray and riddled with holes. Then she checked her laces to make sure they were both tied in neat little bows. Foot inspection completed she put her hands up on the table, laced her fingers and sat patiently waiting to be served breakfast on me.