Firmness of Rock
an excerpt

Chapter 12
Where the Girls Learn the Truth About Michelle

Mr. Cahill caught up with the girls as they were headed to the lunchroom. Alana was actually looking forward to lunch today, because it was time for the once-per-month "Breakfast for Lunch" special. They always had freshly toasted waffles (though they were square and not the round ones she ate at home), cereals, fruits, and fresh, made-while-you-wait pancakes. Rarely, they had scrambled eggs. Alana looked forward to the pancakes the most since she almost never had real pancakes at home. Her mom or dad bought the frozen kind sometimes, because Mel liked them, and every so often dad would be in charge of dinner and would settle on pancakes, real ones made with Bisquick. The lunch room used some other mix, but Alana couldn't discern one from another, so that's what she planned to have.

But before she could get in the line, Mr. Cahill called out to them. Alana, Lucy, and Mayv turned and saw him jogging over to them. "Hey girls," he said. "Can you try to eat quickly and come to the guidance office at 12:15?"

"Sure," Alana said. That would give them twelve minutes, more than enough time.

"Great - I'll see you there." He turned and headed back toward his class room. This was his lunchtime, too, and he probably wanted to eat quickly before the meeting. Alana and her friends split up as usual, and Alana made it quickly through the line. Reluctantly, instead of waiting for fresh pancakes, she took three waffles and a small blueberry muffin, along with a half-pint of milk. She poured a little maple syrup over the pile, paid, and then rushed over to where Mayv and Lucy were sitting. They were already talking.

"Do you think they caught her?" Mayv was asking.

"I hope so," Lucy said. "We don't need that stuff in our school."

"Do you think she'll be expelled?" Alana asked as she sat and began cutting into the waffles.

"Probably. Arrested even, maybe," Lucy offered.

"That would suck," Mayv said.

"What would?" Alana asked.

"Moving to a new town, getting caught with drugs, and getting arrested and going to jail, all in one month."

"She probably won't go to jail," Alana said. "Too young."

Mayv paused to chew down a bit from her sandwich. "Right, probably juvie."

"Whatever," Lucy said as she crumpled up the plastic bag her own sandwich had been in.

"What do you think's up with Mcgee?" Mayv asked.

"I dunno," Alana said. "She's always stuck up, but she's usually perky at least. Maybe she got in trouble for the iPod thing. For me it wouldn't be that big a deal."

"You wouldn't bring an iPod to school," Lucy said.

"You don't even have an iPod," Mayv said.

"I know, I'm just saying. If that's what it is, it's pretty small to be so ... what's the word?"

"Sullen," Lucy said.

"Good one."

Alana shoved the last bite of waffle into her mouth, wand wiped a drop of syrup off her bottom lip. Mayv ran her finger in the leftover syrup and tasted it. "Mmm," she said, "the real stuff."

"This is Vermont, after all," Alana said. "Are we ready?"

Lucy glanced at the clock on the wall - they had over 15 minutes left before they switched out of the cafeteria, but, she noted, "We only have two minutes, so let's roll."

As they approached the door to the guidance office, the same one that Mayv had watched Mcgee's mother enter the day before, Mr. Cahill was approaching from the opposite direction. "Hi girls," he said. "Thanks for being on time." He opened the door for them and they walked into the office. There, waiting, was one of the guidance counselors, Mrs. Cooley. "Hi Hannah," Mr. Cahill said as she looked up at them.

"Dwight. Girls." She indicated another door with her hand. "Come into my office, please." The girls were no strangers to the office. In the three years that they'd been in the school, they had all been in it at least once. The guidance counselors interviewed every student at least once to look and listen for any signs of trouble - any signs of depression or undue anxiety or of aggression. In her first year in the school, Alana had been asked to come to Mrs. Cooley's office on a cold winter day after lunch. There was another girl in her core, Mrs. Cooley explained, who needed a friend. Mrs. Cooley was starting a friendship circle for the girl, and she wanted Alana to be a member of the circle. Though Alana had spoken to Julie Gibson before, she didn't really know her and, it turned out, neither did any one else. She made friends with Julie, though the fact that Julie lived in another neighborhood virtually ensured that the friendship would be cordial and not as close as hers was with Lucy and Mayv.

Mrs. Cooley liked to keep her office homey, so that it would be relaxing to visitors. It had a large tapestry on one wall, cartoon posters on another, and a painting she said had been done by her adult daughter, an oceanscape. Mrs. Cooley was just as homey looking as her office. She was older than Alana's parents, maybe even twenty years older. She had a pair of glasses that she used for reading and which she wore on a chain so that they dangled over her chest when she wasn't wearing them. She tended to wear sweaters, like her grandmother did, had wide hips like she enjoyed hearty meals, and her hair was streaked with grey.

The last time she had been in this office, there had just been a small desk, piled with books about psychology and adolescents, off to one side. The majority of the space was taken up by two chairs near the center of the room, a small side table between them. The space reminded one of a living room. Now, however, there were seven chairs arranged in a circle, making the quarters more cramped. Alana imagined that the principal would meet them, perhaps a police officer, to thank them for helping bring in a drug dealer in their school.

"Please," Mrs. Cooley said, breaking Alana out of her brief daydream, "have a seat, we'll be right with you." Mr. Cahill and Mrs. Cooley stayed in the entry room and whispered a few things that the girls could not hear, though they tried. Mayv finally broke the silence.

"I'm a little scared," she said.

"I'm not," said Lucy. "I think they'll pin medals on us," she said, echoing Alana's own thoughts. Alana stayed silent and just looked around at the posters, books, and tapestry. After just a few moments, moments in which Alana could hear her heart beat and her breath filling and emptying her lungs, she heard the outer door open. She heard low voices, expressing greetings.

After a moment, Mrs. Cooley came into the room and said, "Girls, there's someone I'd like you to meet." She turned slightly and a girl appeared at her side. Lucy was surprised and let out a slight squeak - Alana and Mayv were surprised, too, though silent. It was her - drug girl - Michelle Greene.

"This is Michelle Greene." She indicated each of them with her hand: "Michelle, this is Lucy Silva, Mayv Duffy, and Alana Pope."

As she was pointing each of them out, Alana got her first really good look at Michelle Greene. She looked just like her photo on the website, which is not surprising considering it had been taken just a month ago. She was the same height as Alana, was wearing the black DC's, blue jeans with a flare cut leg, and an ivory colored long sleeve t-shirt with GAP emblazoned on the front. Her backpack was slung over her shoulder, black with pink piping. Her dark brown hair was just past her shoulders and held on the side by ivory colored barrettes. She wore a watch with a red band and a wide, black, cloth bracelet on her other wrist. She looked, Alana said to herself, not so unlike me. Not unlike her except that Alana had a slightly stunned look on her face and Michelle had one that could only be described as pissed off.

Ms. Burbank appeared behind Michelle Greene. She was the eighth grade teacher for Core B. Alana knew of her, but didn't really know her. "Let's all sit, shall we?" Mrs. Cooley suggested.

Lucy looked at Alana and Mayv with confusion, then looked at Michelle with derision. She could only imagine that, caught red-handed, she had talked her way out of being hauled off to jail. They sat as Michelle sat across from them. Mr. Cahill sat next to Alana, and Ms. Burbank between him and Michelle. Mrs. Cooley sat between Michelle and Lucy.

"So," Mrs. Cooley said, "let's just get down to brass tacks. Miss Greene here is not using any illegal drugs, nor is she selling any illegal drugs."

"But..." Lucy started, but Mrs. Cooley held up her hand and said, "Let me finish. I know heard some things that made you suspicious, and I know you saw some things that made you even more suspicious, but none of what you saw, none of what you heard, is what you think it is. What I think we have here is a wonderful opportunity for you three to learn something, a life lesson. And for Michelle, this is a good opportunity to spread some knowledge and for you to learn something, too.

"Now, let me ask you, have you talked about your suspicions with any other students?"

"No," Alana said, as did Mayv and Lucy. Alana looked at them both. Mayv was sitting in her chair, her shoulders slumped in shame, like a dog with her tail between its legs. Lucy was also poised like a dog, but one with its ears back, ready to pounce, sensing danger. For her own part, Alana knew what she heard, what she saw, and that was causing confusion as it clashed so strongly with what Mrs. Cooley was saying. She remembered something suddenly and said, "I asked my sister to help figure out who she is."

"As I recall, your sister is in the elementary school, correct."

"Yes."

"What does she know?"

"I knew her last name, Greene, and Mel said that she knew a new kid in her core with that last name. She asked the new kid and got her name."

"I'm sitting right here, don't talk about me like I'm in another room," Michelle said, speaking for the first time. Her voice had venom in it, but she kept the volume low. She had the advantage of feeling she'd been falsely accused, the right to be treated to some deference.

"Sorry," Alana muttered just louder than a whisper. She trusted Mrs. Cooley, but to fully believe that she'd been so wrong these past few days, she had to be convinced.

Mrs. Cooley knew this and said, "OK, hopefully your sister and you three, then, is as far into the rumor mill as this has gone. I think it would be helpful if you girls told your story and we offer explanations for what lead you to your conclusion. Mr. Cahill, does that sound reasonable to you?"

"It does."

"Lucy? Sound reasonable?"

"I guess." She relaxed a bit, now not so sure that she was right. She was open to hear an explanation. She knew that her experiences with her brother colored her view, may have made her jump to conclusions. If she was wrong, she would be big enough to admit it.

"Who wants to start?"

"I will," Alana said. "I started all this anyway." All eyes were on her, all eyes except Michelle's. They were staring at the floor in front of Alana. Suddenly Alana knew that what Mrs. Cooley was saying was true. She could tell from the look in Michelle's eyes even as they looked down. She was willing to take Mrs. Cooley at her word now, but it was too late - she would have to go through it all.

"So I was in the nurse's office the other day. I wasn't feeling well so I was laying down in the privacy room. I must have fell asleep because I woke up and heard voices - Nurse Hatcher's voice and her voice. Sorry, Michelle's voice. Michelle said she's been high all day. The nurse asked if she had done a drug test, and said that she was using powerful drugs. That was it. But I knew that it didn't take much drugs to ruin someone's life. Look what happened to Keith."

Lucy took up the story: "Once Mel found out from your brother who you are and what core you were in, we tried to find you. I wanted to talk to you, explain to you what happened to Keith, like I told the whole school last year, but you were new and might not know. Finally this morning, we saw you, and I saw you using a pager in school. We all know those electronic things are all illegal." She looked at Mr. Cahill and said, "Like the iPod you took away from Mcgee. But this was a pager, which I know Keith used to call to get drugs. Something drug dealers use. We saw you in the alcove over by Core B, in private reading your messages. Once I saw that, I just wanted you out of my school." Her voice had risen, she was getting heated, but she stopped before she got too loud. If what Mrs. Cooley said was true, she didn't want to look like a fool, not in front of her teacher or her friends, but especially not in front of Michelle.

The room was silent for a moment, then Mrs. Cooley said, "Michelle, you can respond however you want - give out as much or as little information as you want."

Michelle sighed heavily. "I was high all day that day, but not in the way you thought. I do test myself, but it isn't a drug test. I do use a powerful drug, and I do use a little thingie that's about the size of a pager." She took a deep breath. "I've gotten some stares before, some people have looked at my funny before, but I've never been accused like this." Her voice was raised as much as Lucy's had been, but her eyes were also moistening. Ms. Burbank put her hand on Michelle's to give her support.

"I'm sorry," Alana said. "I saw signs."

"Well, they're signs all right, but of something completely different." She paused for a moment, and looked like she was searching for exactly how to phrase something. "Well, it's simple really. I'm diabetic. When I eat too much or don't have enough insulin, my blood sugar gets high, makes me feel like crap. I use a blood glucose tester to test my levels. I have insulin to help keep me alive. And I have this," she shifted her body and put her hand in her pocket - Alana noticed for the first time a thin wire coming out of her pocket and going into the waistband of her jeans. She pulled out the little device she'd been using in the hall. She held it up - it was black and silver with a large square screen on one edge and the wire protruding from the other edge. "I have this to give me the insulin."

"What is that?" Mayv asked.

"It's an insulin pump. It pumps my 'powerful drug' into my body twenty four seven. And if I eat something, I take it out, punch a few buttons, and take extra. This is the pager I was using and the messages I was reading was me setting a bolus."

"Bolus?" Mayv asked, unsure of the new word.

"A bolus is just extra insulin. Basal is what I get all day long, teensy squirts of insulin all day long. Bolus is what I take when I need extra."

"Well," Mayv said. "I feel stupid."

"Me, too," said Alana, as Michelle was sliding her little pump back into her pocket.

"Now, I understand," said Mrs. Cooley, "that you're very sensitive to the subject of drugs, Lucy."

Lucy looked at Michelle and said, "My brother was a junior in high school and got involved with drugs that summer. He killed someone while he was driving, caused an accident. He spent his senior year in jail, and now he's in prison for at least five years, maybe eight. I gave talks last year at the school, against drugs. When I heard someone in my school was getting high, well, I didn't think there was any other explanation." At the end of the sentence, Lucy's voice began to break, and she buried her face in her hands and began to cry. "I'm so sorry," she said, her voice muffled in the palms of her hands.

Ms. Burbank spoke for the first time: "In our core, everyone knows that Michelle uses a small device to give her medicine. She has not said what it is for, just that it is. We wanted to nip all the rumors in the bud there, but we didn't think we'd need to do that in other cores. We don't need to discuss it, so we don't, and the pump is very discreet."

"But I heard something, and I jumped to the wrong conclusion," Alana said, with genuine remorse and with her own eyes moistening under the feeling of regret. She was suddenly glad they had not spread their big, incorrect news around. If they had, she wouldn't have been able to live with herself.

"I don't like to talk about it," Michelle said. "It makes me different, and I just want to be the same as everyone else. I carry this bag everywhere," she held up her backpack, "not only because it has my books in it, but also because it has my testing supplies, my pump supplies, my carb counter book, my emergency numbers, glucogon, sugar tablets, change for vending machines, spare batteries - stuff no one else has to carry around, I have to keep with me all the time." She looked directly at Lucy, who had raised her eyes to look at Michelle as she spoke. "Look, I'm sorry about your brother, and I appreciate that you wanted to help me. But you should have talked to me."

Lucy had no response. Mayv and Alana were similarly silent. Mrs. Cooley broke the silence. "I know this has been an emotional time for all four of you - a lot has happened in the last hour. But I think we've had a good discussion and hopefully everyone is satisfied. Michelle, is there any thing else you want to say?" Michelle shook her heads in the negative. "Girls, any questions?" They all indicated there were not. "Mr. Cahill, Ms. Burbank, thank you for coming." She rose and so did everyone else.

Alana, Lucy, and Mayv hung back a bit, walking slower to class than Ms. Burbank and Michelle Greene walked. They got to their turn-off and stopped before heading to the last few minutes of Independent Reading. "That was a close one," Alana said to Lucy and Mayv.

"I guess," said Mayv. Lucy was still silent. Mr. Cahill came up behind them and silently prompted them to go into the classroom.