The Lonely Light
an excerpt

“Are you going to eat that?” he asked, gesturing to Phyllis’s plate.
“No, it’s all yours,” Phyllis replied, handing it over. There was still a good half of what Miriam had served her; there was no way she could eat as much as the pack did. It was definitely a werewolf thing.
“Thank you.” Derek scraped the food onto his own place and drenched the lot in maple syrup, even the eggs. Phyllis watched him eat for a while longer, drumming her fingers on her chin.
“Are we going to talk about what happened last night?” she asked eventually.
Derek paused, his fork in midair above his pancakes. “What about it?”
“For heaven’s sake, Derek, don’t play dumb,” Phyllis rolled her eyes.
“Should we really be having this conversation right now, all things considered?”
“We’re the only two people in the room, and I can’t do anything for Isaiah until he wakes up,” Phyllis replied patiently. “Now is probably the only time we’re going to get.”
Derek sighed and went on eating. It was unlike him to deliberately try to avoid an issue, and Phyllis was about to call him on it when she realized that he wasn’t being obstinate; he was embarrassed. He did a very good job of hiding it, but the faintest tinge of red in his ears and a little swirl of emotion gave him away.
“I don’t think what happened last night was appropriate,” he murmured at last, appearing to talk to his plate.
“I got that impression,” Phyllis replied. “Until you kissed me. What was that all about?”
Derek still wouldn’t look at her. “We were both drained and upset. I don’t think either of us was thinking very clearly.”
“Oh, I think you were,” Phyllis pressed. Derek laid his fork down and rubbed his face.
“Phyllis, stop,” he pleaded. “Whether or not we were thinking about it, the absolute last thing we should have been doing was kissing each other.”
“Why? Obvious problems with full moon aside.”
“I shouldn’t have to spell this out for you,” Derek sighed.
“Humor me,” said Phyllis.
“All right, then. As you’ve taken pains to point out, your plans of coming here did not include staying and, since you haven’t said otherwise, I’m assuming they still don’t,” Derek replied, sitting back. “Even if they did, I’m more than twice your age—”
“So what? You age slower than I do.”
“Let me finish. I’m more than twice your age and, as such, I’ve been through a lot of things you haven’t. We are in completely different places in our lives in regards to how we approach things and how we deal with things,” Derek’s expression was grave. “And we have separate responsibilities; yours is to Isaiah, mine to the pack. There will be times when they cross, but that doesn’t change the fact that we live separate lives.”
Phyllis gave him a long, critical look. She wasn’t even sure why she was trying to argue the point. The action of kissing Derek had been spontaneous, brought on by physical proximity and emotional distress, but there was another element in the equation. It was the thing that had made Derek insist on telling her he missed her, the thing that made her leave the room every time the conversation threatened to become too personal, and the thing that was making this discussion so difficult.
“You want this, don’t you,” she said. It wasn’t a question.
“What?” Derek asked in surprise.
“You want this, us, to be possible,” Phyllis repeated. “And yet you’re coming up with all these excuses as to why it can’t.”
“They’re not exactly feeble excuses, Phyllis.”
“No,” Phyllis agreed, “but I’m not sure they’re very good ones, either.”
“This conversation is over.”
“Oh, that’s real mature. Just because I’m not agreeing, we’re suddenly done here.”
“We’re done here because there’s nothing else to discuss!” Derek exclaimed. Then he sighed, and his expression softened. “I’m sorry, Phyllis. Even if I—even if things could work out, it’s not practical.”
“So we forget about it,” said Phyllis.
“Basically, yes.”
“And go back to being distant which, I seem to recall, you didn’t like.”
“We go back to things being the same as they always were,” Derek replied, getting to his feet. “That’s the way it works, and that’s the way it has to be.”