Excerpt:

I still don’t know why someone dynamic and outgoing and sort of blazing and incredible like Marvel picked me. I’m just shy and kind of lame. I’m blonde and I sing but other than that there’s really nothing special about me. My voice is quiet and there’s so much I’m afraid of and all I ever really seem to do is shrink. I used to think he just felt sorry for me, or wanted to do me a favor by teaching me the ropes of, you know, human contact. But I know that’s not true and that he actually really likes me. And that’s the part I really don’t get. But I’m so lucky I have him anyway. He teaches me everything. Sometimes I hope it’ll just click and someday I’ll be everything like him. I know it never will, but it’s nice to dream. I think someday I’ll be able to walk down the city street, you know, like strutting, looking sexy in gold stilettos. And maybe I never will, probably not, I don’t know, but it’s something I like to dream about. It’s nothing big, and that’s how I like to dream, mostly. I like to think about things that truly could very well come true. It’s really encouraging. I should probably practice walking in heels more. I really can’t go about an hour without them really starting to hurt.

I just sit on the front porch for a while. It’s not really a porch so much as a step, because we live in an apartment, but I guess I just like the way the air feels right now, and the sun’s already set but the sky is still kind of purple, and it’s just a really nice time of night. I hope Gabriel comes home soon. I miss him so much. I want to see him smile. He always makes me smile.

He really is kind of tiny. I think he’s about five foot six. He’s so fidgety and he’s so cute. There was a time I thought I was in love with Marvel, and I’ve had crushes on a million guys, but really, when it comes down to it, I don’t think I could ever see myself being in love with anyone else.

One time, before we lived together, he’d stayed the night at my house and when he got out of the shower in the morning, after using my shampoo and body wash and stuff, he laughed and said, “I smell like a fruit salad.” And I just thought that was the funniest thing. Because he wasn’t saying it in a mean way like, “Oh my God, I smell like a girl,” but he genuinely thought it was funny, and he has the cutest hiccupy laugh, and that’s when I knew I wanted to be with him forever, or at least as long as I could. As much time as forever would let us have. It’s given us almost two years now, and I think that’s pretty great. I’m sad a lot, because that’s just the kind of person I’ve always been, unfortunately, mostly because I think too much about too many different things, and I wish I could change it but I can’t, but really, even when I’m feeling ugly and lonely, Gabriel makes me so happy. He really does. I don’t even know why, but I just feel like when I’m next to him I know where I really belong. I think that’s so special. I hope everyone gets to feel like that at least once. It’s the coolest thing.

I am tiny too, though. I’m five foot one. So we are a short and tiny couple. It’s kind of funny, I guess, at least to someone like Marvel, who’s like six foot two. He’s a giant, at least compared to me. Gabriel once told me that he felt so intimidated by Marvel, just ‘cause he’s this amazing outgoing guy, and he’s so good-looking and so tall, and I told him that it’s okay, I promise. Some people are just like that, they really are. They just seem so perfect. I mean, I know Marvel’s not perfect. He has a horrible temper, and he’s really not that good at driving, and I don’t think he’s ever had a boyfriend for longer than three weeks. He always breaks up with them, because I think being in a real relationship really scares him. That’s okay, I mean, I get that. I’m still terrified of being in a relationship like this, especially since it’s so real and I’m so happy, because I’m just so scared that someday I’m going to screw it up and it’ll all be over. I don’t know what I’d do then, I really don’t. But still, I don’t think it’s fair of Marvel to play with people like that. Really, though, when you think about him, you just think he’s so perfect anyway. There are some people who are just like that.

My sister was kind of like that, actually. She’s even smaller than me, four foot ten. She’s the littlest thing. She’s so much skinnier than me too. I don’t know, but she probably weighs about ninety pounds. She’s got the skinniest little arms and legs. I’m pretty jealous, because no matter what I do, I’ll always have flabby upper arms and thighs, and I’ll always have a bit of a tummy. I mean, it’s okay. But I’ve always been jealous of her, for so many reasons. I guess mostly because she’s not that scared of people. She really likes shopping and smiling and she doesn’t mind big crowds or parties with beer and flashing lights. She just laughs and bats her eyelashes when people compliment her, she doesn’t blush and stumble over her words and everything and say, no, well, thank you, but I wasn’t that great. She knows how to match her purses to her shoes to her eye shadow, and she knows how to be accessible. Mostly she keeps her hands on her hips. She is five years younger than me.