Excerpt: The Movie Project

“Ok Team let’s bring this meeting to order. Obviously, we’ve got a new guy here who needs to be brought up to speed on what we’re doing. I figure it will be a good opportunity to hear his feedback on what we got to say, and that way we can see whether or not our friend Simon here is worthy to join the Team.”
Simon looks mildly surprised by the sudden focus of attention on him. He opens his mouth as if to say something, but in the end decides a smile is the best approach. After a brief pause Chad continues, “So—OJ my man. As the genius behind the genius — that being me, heh,heh — why don’t you give our friend Simon here The Pitch.”
Jay settles into his chair and fixes Simon with his best salesman’s look of utter reliability. Simon leans forward in anticipation.
“Ok, so picture this,’” Jay begins, “Small town girl moves to the big city — very mysterious this chick, right?”
“And hot.” Adds Chad.
“ — And hot, of course. Luring in the guys left right and center, even married guys. So she meets this one guy —”
“Our hero.”
“Yeah, shut up Chad and let me talk.” The spiel is the one place where Jay feels comfortable being top dog. It seems to work too, because Chad shrugs, settles back in his chair and does as he’s told. Meanwhile, Simon politely waits for Jay to continue.
“So anyway this one guy, he likes her just fine and all, but he’s thinking something about her is not quite right…” Jay pauses for dramatic effect. Simon raises his eyebrows and waits.
“She’s fucking dead man!” Chad shouts out, clapping his hands, “The bitch is a freakin’ zombie!” Jay glares at Chad as half of the pub turns to stare. Chad gives them the thumbs up and giggles.
“It’s a bit more complicated than that…” Jay says.
“Yeah, she only eats other girls!” Chad hoots. Jay gives him a dirty look and Chad backs down again, exchanging smirks with Luke. Pete’s busy wolfing down his hamburger. He’s heard the spiel a hundred times.
“She’s killing off her competition. And she doesn’t only eat girls, she eats a couple of dudes too.” Jay explains. The others turn to Simon in expectation. After a moment Simon says, “ok…and…?”
“And what?” says Jay.
“Well…what happens next?”
“Exactly!” says Jay, slapping the table, “It’s the question on every movie goer’s mind: ‘What happens next?’ It’s classic cliffhanger material.”
Simon looks confused. “What…well, is that it? Does the movie end there?”
“Yeah, the movie ends there.” Says Chad. “It’s unresolved. Every guy’s going to walk away wondering if the next cute chick he meets is really a flesh eating zombie…or worse.” He adds menacingly.
“And what’s every girl going to walk away thinking?” Simon asks.
Chad stares at Simon like he’s an idiot. “Well how the fuck should I know?” he yells, way too loud. But it is a pub after all, and things are starting to wind up. Everybody else is starting to yell too. Only one or two people glance over this time.
“She’ll always have this weird hint of a doubt in the back of her mind about her girlfriends.” Jay explains, “Are they really her friends, or are they fucked up zombies out to suck her brains?”
“Classic military tactic: divide and conquer.” Says Pete, picking his teeth. “Everybody knows that chicks hunt in packs. She’ll be looking for her man to protect her after a movie like that.”
“Yeah.” Says Chad, now back on line. “It’s a perfect first date movie.”
Simon now looks a bit stunned. “Okaaay.” He says, trying to follow.. “But how does it end?”
“Ah, now here’s the beauty of the thing.” Says Chad, pulling his chair up close and confidential. “Even we don’t know.” He whispers, then winks.
Simon blinks and shakes his head in disbelief. “What the fuck are you talking about man?”
Chad’s on a roll now. “It’s totally cutting edge, don’t you see?” He says. “Each actor knows their part, but no-one knows what any of the others are going to do. WE don’t know what they are going to do for fuck’s sake.. They get one take take to do it right. A particularly awesome sequence is allowed a 2nd take for fine tuning. But you know already the gut, the rawness will be lost. Nevertheless…whatever…” he waves his hands in the air as if that explains it all. “It’s fucking brilliant.”
Simon sits back in his chair, and now he looks tired as well as sad. The sound that comes out of his mouth is a cross between “Ugh.” And “Argh.”
Jay and Pete lean back and watch. Luke takes off his glasses and begins cleaning them, like he’s somewhere else. Chad is wriggling around in his seat like an overgrown puppy. “So?…SO?”
Simon rubs his face in his hands and finishes his beer. Chad snaps his fingers to get the waitress’ attention, “Same again here, sweetheart.” The waitress flashes him a filthy look and he adds, “Please? Sorry. Thank You.” He shrugs and grins at Simon as if to say, what can you do?
Simon leans forward and says, “The story line sucks—”
A look of annoyance flashes across Chad’s face and then it’s gone. “What do you mean?” he asks, with a nasty smile.
“Well, it’s been done to death — no pun intended. But I like the idea about planting the seed of doubt …” This is directed at Jay, and he feels a warm flush wash over his face.
“But the story line is awful. Come on…Zombies? Way too camp to be taken seriously” Simon pulls out his wallet and pulls out a wad of cash.
“Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.” says Jay, “ Zombie is just a coverall term were using right now for the adversary. I mean, we could just as easily make her a regular psychotic female—”
Simon shakes his head. “Been done even more: Fatal Attraction, Single White Female, Basic Instinct…”
“Well, shit, can you give us any tips at all?”
“Drop the zombies.” Says Simon in disgust, “If you want a good story it has to strike a human chord. We’ve become way too desensitized to death and gore. It’s not scary any more. Go on Jay,” he says turning on him, “tell me something really scary. I dare you.”
Jay feels the blood drain from his face, and memories of this morning flood back: the helplessness, the not knowing, the humiliation. He turns to the others and laughs. “Fuck, I dunno, death?” Luke giggles and says, “Yeah, death by Zombie.”
Simon turns to Pete, who's now working on Luke unfinished plate of fries. “How about you Pete? What really scares you.” Pete hold up a fry and examines it seriously for a moment. “I guess I'd have to say being alone.”
“Being alone?” says Chad with a snort, “Fuck you're profound.” Pete ignores him, “Yeah, to be surrounded by nothing, only coldness and darkness. To have nothing to, like, reflect who I am. I mean 'cause we're nothing without other things and other people around us to bear witness to who we are, or who we are not.”
Everyone stares at Pete for a moment in stunned silence. Then Luke says, “Sounds like death to me.” Pete shrugs. “Yeah I guess, but you're still aware.” he argues.
But all eyes have turned to Chad. “Come on Chadsie Wadsie, tell us what makes you tremble wemble.” says Luke.
Chad rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. “Death by Zombie.” he says stubbornly. This is greeted by a chorus of boos from the rest and Pete throws a French fry at him.
“No really, death is death, it's gonna come for all of us. But How You Die, that's what scares people. Can you imagine getting your heart ripped out of your body by a festering living corpse.”
“No way. Too over the top.” says Simon.
“Exactly. That way you can be scared but have fun at the same time because you know it will never happen to you.”
“Not like death by aging, or death by sickness.” Jay says quietly.
“Yeah, how depressing is that. Who wants to go to a movie about some old fart dying of cancer. You can see that plenty enough in real life.”
“Yes, but not everyone goes to the movies for an adrenaline hit. Some people want to laugh or cry. They want to feel something.” says Simon.
“Yes. They want to feel alive. They want to forget their boring job and dingy apartment and dead end relationship and feel alive. We live in an instant gratification society. Adrenaline gives you the best bang for your buck.
Simon puts some money on the table and stands to go. “I still think your story line sucks.”
Chad shrugs, but holds out his hand to him. “It's been good to meet you man. We appreciate the feedback.”
After Simon has shaken hands all round and left, Chad shakes his head and says, “What a twat.”