Excerpt: A Moment On The Lips

Do you currently have or have you at any time in the past experienced any of the following:

Diabetes or blood sugar problems
Heart problems
Blood pressure problems
Thyroid problems
Lung problems
Kidney or Liver problems
Cancer
Neurological Problems/Seizures
Nervous Breakdowns/Depression
Anxiety
Paranoia
Hallucinations (Visual, Auditory or Tactile)
Insomnia
Sleepwalking
Frequent Nightmares
Somniphobia

(from the Dream to Reality Weight Loss Program Patient Evaluation Questionnaire)

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“I like to think my goal is pretty realistic. I mean, I’m sure everyone likes to think that, to say that, but I think I’m pretty… reasonable, I don’t think I’m expecting a miracle. One would be nice, but… No, I’m kidding, that was a joke. Sorry. I do that when I’m…”

“Nervous.”

“Yeah, when I’m nervous.”

“You have no reason to be nervous. I promise you that no matter what you say, what you tell me, not only will I not judge you, I’ve probably heard it before at least twice.”

Melinda laughed quietly, slid her shoe off and on and off again. “I know, nothing new under the sun. That should make it easier, but it doesn’t ever really, does it? I mean, if you had something that you were… that you weren’t particularly proud of, and someone wanted you to talk about it, it still wouldn’t be easy to say even if you knew the person you were saying it to had three cousins who all had the same thing, right? Knowing other people are ashamed of the same thing you’re ashamed of doesn’t make you any less ashamed.”

Dr. Santin looked at her calmly, with sympathy but without pity. “You’re ashamed of your weight.”

She looked at her shoe, slid it off and on again before answering. “Yes. Yes, I am. No, that’s not right, that’s not it. What I weigh is… it’s just a thing. I’m ashamed of what it means to me, how much it means to me. I’m ashamed of how much control it has over me when I seem to have so little over it. That’s what it is. I’m ashamed of how little control I have over my own life. How much I weigh is just a symptom of that.”

Dr. Santin nodded and flipped through a few pages in the folder on his desk. “You’re 5’ 6” and you currently weigh 211 pounds. Tell me what you think you should weigh.” A simple question, but an important one. So many people, women in particular, came to him with specific numbers in their heads that were not only unrealistic but downright unhealthy.

Melinda thought about it for a long moment before she answered. “I… you know, it’s actually kind of hard to think of weight as a number when I’ve spent so long trying to ignore the actual number. Today, when I got here, was the first time I’d been on a scale in… I don’t even remember how long. The only specific I knew about my weight was too damn much.” She slid her shoe off again. He watched without speaking, just waiting. “I guess… when I finished college, I was pretty happy with how I looked then. I think I was around 140. So somewhere around there seems right, 140 or 145, does that… yeah, that sounds about right, I think I’d like that.”

Dr. Santin smiled and closed the folder. “Melinda, I think we can help you. You were right, your goals are realistic. They won’t be attained easily, but they are very realistic and very possible. If you are willing to help us help you, a year from now you will feel like a completely different person.”

She slid her shoe back on and left it on, looked up and smiled. “I’ll do whatever it takes. Thank you, Dr. Santin, I… thank you.”