Excerpt: Let Fly

"I don't want to do this."

"No one asked what you wanted, Caroline. It's what you were born to do. It's what you're expected to do. What you want and don't want does not factor into this."

"I'm not a soldier. I'm not -- No. Don't push me."

"This is your duty, Caroline." The airlock hissed open.

"I wasn't born to do this!" she screamed. "I wasn't born for any of this!"

"No one asked, Caroline. No one asked what you wanted." The airlock hissed shut again, and Benji, who'd been listening from around the bend, let his knees go out from under him before burying his head in his hands. He stared at the metal grating that composed the floor, tiny flecks of debris staring up at him from between his dark blue skinsuit.

He imagined he could still hear her screams, and he wanted to be ill as footsteps echoed on the grating.

"Here you are," Sergio's voice cut through his panic like a knife made of crystalized honey. "You keep sitting there holding the wall up, you're going to be late, Ben."

Benji stared up at him, eyes widened to the point of pain and he pressed himself tighter against the wall a moment. He stared at Sergio's knees, baring nothing and everything in his own dark red skinsuit. "Sergei," he said, his mouth dry, his eyes still staring, his breath trying to catch up. "Sergei, the airlock. There's a woman. In the airlock."

"What?" Sergio laughed. "Benji, the airlocks don't open. We're still drydocked."

"I know what I heard, Serge. I know what I saw. There's a woman stuck in the airlock."

"Benji?" Sergio had that tone in his voice that was very patient. "Stand up, and let's go check it out. Come on." His hand came down, and Benji stared at it, his chest jumping in horror and terror. His heart was pounding like a freight train, and his eyes hadn't quite stopped being widened to the point of pain. "Benji. Come on. Stand up."

He swallowed hard and followed the hand up Sergio's arm and up to his face, which was gentle in looking at him, infinitely patient. He took Sergio's hand, helped him help him up. He steadied himself on his feet, and Sergio held his shoulder a moment, the hand brushing towards the short hair on the back of his neck.

"Okay?" Sergio asked quietly, and Benji swallowed hard, his body stretching towards every inch of him, demanding that he listen to Sergio. Sergio always knew what he was talking about. So Benji always listened to him.

He nodded tightly, and Sergio's hands moved to his shoulders again as he spun him around and pushed him towards the airlock. "Alright," Sergio said kindly. "Let's see this woman in the airlock."

Benji could feel himself shaking as Sergio headed towards the airlock and keyed in the manual override code. He heard her pounding on the airlock door, and he winced with every strike of it, backing into Sergio again. Shaking again.

The door opened, and it revealed simply an empty chamber. Benji shook harder. "I know what I heard," he breathed. He closed his eyes, and the banging started again. "I know what I hear, Sergei."

"Benji, it's nothing. It's nothing, okay? Are you hearing me?"

Benji whimpered a moment. "I hear you," he said quietly.

"Do not make me report you for psych evaluations," Sergei muttered. "You out of anyone."

Benji backed up slowly, still hearing the pounding, still hearing the screams.

Sergei intercepted him, putting a hand on both shoulders. His blue eyes interrupted his line of sight, and for a moment, he got sucked into the ice, the cold, the infinite depth of it. The pounding subsided for a moment into whimpering, and Benji tried to block it out. "Alright now, Ben?" Sergei asked, leaning down towards him, still keeping his eyes fixed on Benji's.

Then, the pounding started again, the screaming began again in earnest, and Benji's eyes snapped towards the empty airlock. He heard Sergei yelling at him, vaguely and distantly. But the pounding was insistant, violent, and he backed up again, closing his eyes tightly.

He kept walking until he hit the bulkhead behind him, and his knees gave out again. He opened his eyes, and he stared into the empty airlock, still hearing Caroline screaming. Still hearing her screaming until the sound of the airlock hissed open and she was evacuated forcibly.

He stared, still not registering any of the words Sergei was saying until he heard the medical alarm go off and Sergei cursing to himself until "I need a psych team up here. Level three vault." He glanced down at him, then shook his head. "Fuck."

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