Excerpt:

My Dear Friend,
If you are reading this, you are obviously reading with a purpose. Not many happen upon these elusive files, and if you have gotten this far, found this particular house, climbed the stairs up into this particular attic, rummaged about until you possessed this particular box, reached in and pulled out this particular file, then you have most likely done quite a bit of research, scrounged about quite a bit, and followed a most particularly obscure path to get here. Or, you could have just happened to be rummaging about on a particularly rainy Saturday afternoon, looking for something interesting to do, and by the hand of fate, stumbled upon this file. (That is exactly what happened the first time, and in order to fully understand what you have come across, I feel most compelled to convey to you exactly what happened the fist time the file was found.) Regardless of who you are, and how you have come to find this, I feel the need for utter politeness, and with great pleasure, I introduce you to The Erwin File.
And now we begin the story...