Excerpt: Bonnie

Next was cake. I think they had a few activities planned after that, but I didn’t make them. Because when I got in line for cake, Casey pushed me aside and cut my place, which meant she ended up with the piece with the most icing. And I wanted to eat that piece in all its disgusting glory for Addison. And then we got to sit down wherever we wanted. Except nobody wanted to sit with me, so I ended up sitting alone. I wasn’t completely alone, though, because Hannah’s mom sat down next to me.
“I bet this is a really hard time for you, Bonnie,” she said, rubbing my shoulder.
I don’t even know you, I wanted to scream. I half-nodded.
“I think you’re so brave to come back to school,” she praised.
I rolled my eyes. What was so brave about that?
“It would’ve been easy for you to just miss the last few weeks, and everyone would understand. Then you’d have a fresh start at the middle school.”
I shrugged. “School is very important to me.”
“Oh, yes, of course!” Hannah’s mom looked flustered. “Of course, that’s why I said you were so brave, because even in this difficult time you’re still able to stay on top of things and get good grades. But don’t you miss your friend? I would miss my friend terribly.”
I nodded again. What did she expect me to do, stay home and do nothing but cry? Just like Casey’s mom told Addison’s mom? And it was none of her business, anyway.
I got up to throw my plate away. I wasn’t even done with my cake, but I had no taste for it after this conversation.
“What, don’t have any real friends so you’re talking to the parents?” Casey, who was also at the trash can, throwing away half her icing that I’d wanted to eat in honor of Addison, asked me snidely, and softly so none of the adults would hear. “Lame.”
“Well, nobody wants to hang out with the girl who was friends with the dead girl,” Deirdre piped up.
“I’m surprised you didn’t keep Bonnie home for a week. I’d be worried that was stifling her feelings, not allowing her enough time to grieve,” I overheard Casey’s mom tell my mom.
“Oh my god, I would be so jealous if Bonnie had gotten to just take a week off of school! I mean I understand taking off for your best friend’s funeral – that’s so sad. But an extra week?” I heard Whitney exclaim to some girl next to her, obviously having overheard Casey’s mom. Jealous? Of ME? I wanted to punch her, right there, in the face. Did she understand at all how I felt?
Sadie walked up to the trash can as I was walking away. “Hey,” I said. She smiled sadly and looked away. She looked almost scared, just like Miss Hewell had said.
Dead girl, I kept hearing. Nobody wants to be friends with the girl whose best friend is a dead girl. I’m so jealous you got to miss school because your best friend died.
“I have to use the bathroom,” I told Miss Hewell, and walked out of the room, dignified, until I was sure nobody could hear. Then I started sobbing, unable to stop. I walked as fast as I could to the bathroom, because I didn’t want to get in trouble for running. I locked myself in a stall and sat down with my head in my arms. Everything I should have felt since Addison died started coming out. If she was here, she’d understand. She’s make some stupid joke about it. But she wasn’t here. And you know what? That sucked.