Excerpt: After the First Death

“Seph?”

When Seph snapped out of her blank stare, her first thought was It didn’t work. Her second thought was--

“I’m starving.”

Chris was there, standing in the corner of her vision. “I keep telling you, Seph.” A soft smile. “It’s all in your head.”

“No,” she said, awkwardly forcing herself up out of her chair. The glass dropped from her hand and rolled across the floor. Her body felt like a gangly weight. “No, I haven’t felt this way since--” Since the transition.

Chris opened his mouth as if to speak but she ignored him, pushed past him into the kitchen. She had never felt this hungry. She ripped open the fridge but months of forgetting had left it empty, or moulding. Nothing appealing in the cupboards. She was only dimly aware that Chris was behind her, following her. She caught sight of the bowl on the island and tore the last pomegranate from it, clutched it to her mouth with both hands as if it was the only thing keeping her alive. As soon as her teeth broke the skin, she could relax.

“Seph?” said Chris.

She felt she was in another world. She felt she should be able to read something in his tone, in the way he was holding himself, but she couldn’t. All she could focus on was her hunger. Juice was slipping down her arm.

“Seph, Bradley is dead.”

This didn’t merit a reply. She chewed the seeds, took another bite of the fruit. She needed to keep eating, so she could become stronger. Her legs were shaking underneath her.

“Seph. Did you hear me?”

She nodded, pulled the pomegranate away from her mouth as she chewed. Licked the line of juice that was escaping down her arm. Like she was so hungry she had to take in every single drop.

“Do you know who killed him?”

She pressed the fruit to her lips again, looked out over the apartment. The door to Bradley’s room was half open. She could make out his bed as a shadow lurking behind it. What would she do with that room now? She didn’t need it. She wished Olivia was still alive, she’d invite her to live with her and--

Olivia.

It didn’t work.

Her hunger was unbearable but she let the pomegranate slip from her fingers, hit the countertop in a red splash. It didn’t work. She felt like she could choke. She covered her face with her hands, her muddy hair brushed against her fingers but it didn’t matter, it didn’t matter because it didn’t work, it didn’t work.

Chris thought she was crying. He thought she was crying for Bradley. He placed a hand on her back but she twisted away; for the first time, she asked him to go.

He didn’t speak for a moment. Perhaps she’d surprised him. Then he said, “The Fates need to find their new Immortal, Seph. If you have any information as to who killed Bradley, please tell someone.”

She pushed her palms into her eyes. She heard his steps as he crossed the floor to the fireplace; then he was gone. She was alone.

It didn’t work.