Excerpt: And the truth shall set you free

While we had shopped I had talked extensively with my aunt about all my friends, especially Christine, but still, even with friends here, living in New York and working on Broadway had been my dream since I first saw Times Square all lit up at night on one of my family’s trips to New York City.
As we continued eating and watching the antics of a squirrel that was obviously a little retarded, my aunt began to fidget nervously which is a habit I have as well; that sort of behavior generally means that she has something embarrassing to ask.
“What’s up?” I asked at the exact same moment that she said –
“So when did you finally realize you were a lesbian?”
“What?” I said, choking on my previous words as well as the sip of my soda that I had just taken.
“Well you’ve been talking non-stop about that Christine girl all day. ‘Christine this…’ and ‘Christine that…’ I just assume you were dating her.” I squirmed in my seat, much the same way I my aunt had been doing a moment ago. I was sure my face had to be as red as the tomatoes on my sandwich. “You know I’m okay with that right?” She asked.
“Uh, yeah, but I’m not like that.” I said defensively.
“Oh hon, I didn’t ask if you were, I ask when you realized. I already knew.” I choked again.
“What?!” That seemed to be the most used word of my vocabulary today.
“I’m just glad you’re finally accepting it. I would hate to see you end up married and miserable just because you didn’t figure it out and you tried to live up to your mother’s demands of you. As long as you’re happy with Christine, then I’m happy too.”
“I’m not dating her” I squeak.
“Oh, you haven’t asked her yet? Don’t wait too long, she’s bound to get snatched up by someone eventually if you don’t make a move.” My aunt cautioned. My heart gave a twinge at the thought of losing Christine to someone else, even though I knew she couldn’t be mine really.
“No one knows that I’m…y’know.” I couldn’t even say it out loud. “I’m not planning on acting on it anyway.” She looked confused for a moment and then her expression turned to one of perturbation.
“You’re going to pretend to be straight?” she asked, I could hear the disapproval in her voice.
“That’s the general idea, yeah.”
“Why for? To please your parents? You’ll be miserable.”
“I’ll be miserable if they dis-own me too though” I say sadly.
“If they love you it shouldn’t matter and if they dis-own you then they never loved you unconditionally the way they should have and their opinions don’t matter” Aunt Carys said matter of factly.
“It’s so easy for you to say that!” I say angrily. “Mamó and Daideo have always supported you in everything you did. No matter how strange and off the cuff you acted, they always loved you. Mom and Dad aren’t like that, they love me, but only when I do as they say. The moment I become an embarrassment to them, they’ll cut me loose. Even though I know that’s not right, I still need them though.”
“Your grandparents and I will love you no matter what you decide. When you come out of the closet” I try to interrupt her to correct her ‘when’ to an ‘if’, but she shushes me. “When” she emphasized “they will be extremely happy. Rhia will probably want to throw a party or something I’m sure. Do you know how many gay friends my parents have? For crying out loud, they live all of 5 miles from the East village.” She pauses for a moment and I interject my own thoughts.
“So are they going to support me through college when my parent’s throw me out?” I ask bitterly.
“You know they would. You already know you can come live with them or me anytime you want. Besides mom and dad have plenty of money you know. Glen was and is, amazing at playing the stock market. Whether you want to admit it or not I can tell you are in love with this girl, or at least damn close to being in love with her” I blushed, which only confirmed her assumption as far as she was concerned. “If you aren’t true to yourself now, you’ll begin to hate yourself, your parents and your life within 10 years, I guarantee it.”
I sat there silently for a moment, taking in her statement. Deep within myself I knew she was right, but I couldn’t risk my parent’s hatred for my own happiness, I just didn’t have it in me to do so.
“All I can say is that I will think about what you said.” I say finally. Aunt Carys looked satisfied with that.
“That’s all I can ask.”