Excerpt: To Become a Firefly

I remembered when he met my mother. It was amazing that I’d gotten him into the building. He’d ditched out one time, but he told me he’d lost track of time, and I’d stormed off in a fit. We made up though; we always did. It was hard to stay mad at him, because he looked as lonely as I felt all the time.

“Nalani? Nalani, you’re not mad are you? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” He said.

“You never got to meet my mother,” I told him. A pause gulfed between his, and I thought I felt his arms loosen slightly.

“Are you going to hold that against me forever?” He whispered.

“Bing got to meet her. You’re not a new student. You weren’t a new student when I was. You could have come over and introduced yourself at any time. You could have gotten into my life before Bing. You used him as a means to get closer to me. You talked about wanting to know how we fit, and you really just wanted me,” I told him. The words came faster than they could settle into my brain. We stared at each other. I remember one of the comments he’d made about my eyes. He asked me if the fire had gone out, because he was convinced that’s why they are gray. Maybe it’s true. Maybe the fire went out when I was little kid, because my body was trying to get ready for my mother’s death.

“That’s a stupid thing to hold against me,” He said. He shoved me back against his truck. I didn’t even remember getting there. I looked up at him, and there was a pang rolling up my back. I didn’t say anything to him. He wanted to know everything.

“Maybe it is,” I conceded. I pulled away from the truck, rubbing my back. “But you’re stupid too.”

He didn’t say anything for awhile. He went over and stood in the baseball field. I thought about leaving, but I’d called him, so I walked out to the field with him. He looked at me, and his eyes were clear.

“Do you really think that I’m dumb?”

“No, I don’t think that you’re dumb. I think you’re just really focused on some stuff and you forget about the whole picture sometimes,” I explained, but he was dumb. He was a C average athlete, and he wasn’t even the most amazing teenaged athlete.

He didn’t say anything. He rolled over and looked down at me for a few moments before he leaned down to kiss me. His lips felt warm like sunshine. “I just want you to like me, Lani. I know I’m not Bing, but can’t you love me anyway?” he whispered.