Confessions of a Twenty Year Old Virgin
an excerpt

“Stop looking for me.” Isis appeared as if from no where and sat down next to him. “I’m here.”
“What the hell have you been doing?” Cooper demanded. “We were really worried about you! What if someone had killed you or something?”
Isis took the cigarette from him and took a quick puff. “I was visiting my mother’s grave.”
Cooper hit his forehead with his palm. He felt like an idiotic jackass.
“I told her all about what was going on, and she said she would have done the same thing.”
Now Cooper was really confused. “Wait…your mother talked back? Your dead mother who has been dead for almost ten years?”
“You’re being very narrow minded for someone with the Second Sight.”
“So you…”
“Used my Second Sight to look into heaven and see what she thought about the whole ordeal? Yeah. I was glad to see she finally made it in. She was in limbo for most of the time since she’s been dead.”
“And your father?” then Cooper realized he probably could not have asked a more awkward question.
“Fuck, I don’t know. I don’t give a damn. He’s probably in the fifth level of hell or something.”
“How many levels are there?”
“Five.”
“Oh.”
“You really don’t use your Second Sight, do you?”
“Not unless I have to. Do you look into heaven and hell for fun?”
“It stops the headaches for a while, so I figure it is not a bad thing. I should probably find Noam and tell him his grandma says ‘hi’ and ‘eat more you are too skinny’. She’s a nice lady.”
Cooper looked at Isis. She was lounging on the cold stone steps as if the cold didn’t bother her. Her face did not display any emotion on what her mother had said. He was surprised that she had gone that far to ask her mother something. He wouldn’t even visit his mom. Of course, being dead and being in jail were two very different things. “So… have you talked to your mom before?”
“Oh, no. I can only zero in on a dead person if I’m by the place they died or their mortal remains. Since I haven’t been in this country for so long, I haven’t been able to see her at all.”
“I… I am glad that your mother is doing well… in the afterlife… in heaven…” Cooper cleared his throat. “So what is she doing for fun?”
“Oh, she’s hooked up with one of her favorite poets who died about a hundred years ago. Apparently sex still works in the afterlife.”
Cooper covered his face with his hands.
“What?”
“That’s one of life’s great questions answered.”
“So you’ve considered it?”
“I don’t want to go to heaven if it means an eternity without sex!”
“So you have had sex?”
“Of course. Haven’t you?”
Isis started at him blankly. “I am twenty years old. Most girls my age haven’t had sex.”
Cooper could not stop himself from laughing out loud. “You keep thinking that. Most twenty year olds I know have.”
“I guess I hadn’t really thought about it.”
“What? Having sex?” Cooper was thinking about it more and more all the time, especially sitting next to the woman he found himself desperately in love with.
“It’s not like I’ve really had the chance, anyway. I haven’t exactly been on best terms with anyone since I left this country. Being chased with pitchforks kind of takes all the romance out of the air.”
“Who said anything about romance? We’re talking about sex.” Cooper stopped himself from saying anything else stupid.
“You are hopeless.” Isis stood up and began to walk away. “Think I can blend in with an elfish crowd when everyone’s drunk?”
Cooper almost went after her, but he couldn’t deal with the embarrassment.