In the year 2005, a strange and curious 'room' opened in the "I Hate Myself and Want to Die" board. And it opened with something like this:
It's my utmost pleasure to say... IT'S BACK!
We've got Sporks! Tissues! Chocolates! Woobies! Beverages of your choice! Sporkfetti! and HUGS! They come in all shapes and sizes, for every NaNo occasion. Even better is that we've had another year's worth to refine and develop bigger, better sporking techniques and merchandise. 
Those oppressive Inner Editors and Inner Critics haven't got a chance.
So, throw your troublesome IC/IE into the spork pit, grab a spork of your choice (custom sporks are available), and we'll have a sporkage like you've never seen. 
And as always: I don't care what anyone says, it's OKAY to cry. Bawl, stomp, wail, get it all out, grab a tissue and blow. Then have a whole room ful of these: ((((((((HUGS))))))))) You can do this. By spork, you can.
Come on in. Spork on. 
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Some FAQs:
What IS a spork? 
Simply: it's a fork + spoon. :-) Have an extensive look here (Wiki Warning!), complete with a picture of a TITANIUM spork.
WHY a spork?
The combined spoon-fork=spork is a versatile choice of weapon:
Three--sometimes more/less-- points at the end offer great satisfication for those inclined to jab-jab-JAB-STAB-POKE! 
* their annoying writing entities.
Its wide concave surface is perfect for those moments when you take a deep breath, collect your pent up frustrations/anger/etc, and let it rip as you swing the wide part at your literary foes! WHAP! SMACK! FWAP!
Inverted, the convex curve is also suitable for scooping or 'herding' the writing entities (or otherwise) where you want them.
And lastly, when holding spork, strong and true and proud, .. it's been reported that somehow-- someway-- people can't resist to smile. 
WHAT is a woobie?
/wuob-EE/ From the Greek Woobinus. -noun. Plural: woobies.
Any sort of snuggly something that offers comfort during times of stress. Made famous in the 1983 movie "Mr. Mom" starring Michael Keaton and Teri Gar. Often refers to a blanket that a child cannot part with under any circumstances. [Origin: bee_girl]
Moderator note: As this topic has reached 500 posts or more, we are closing it at this time to new comments. However, you can continue the discussion on part 2
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107,454 / 50,000
Sep 26, 2008 - 18 25
It's the Spork Room!
Huzzah!
Happy NaNo-buildup, everyone!
*hugs all around*
50,037 / 50,000
Sep 26, 2008 - 18 33
*sets out Nano preparation spork kits*
Hi everyone!
110,119 / 50,000
Sep 26, 2008 - 18 37
It's that time of year again! ^_^
*snuggles all the old-timers and puts out treats to lure new people in*
51,243 / 50,000
Sep 26, 2008 - 18 37
It's here!
*brings in a huge plate of cookies and runs around hugging everyone*
51,051 / 50,000
Sep 26, 2008 - 18 43
Sira! Hey! Haven't seen you in ages!
*snugs all*
So, anyone ready for NaNo?
50,114 / 50,000
Sep 26, 2008 - 18 58
I'm ready for NaNo. I just haven't decided which plot to use yet. I've got a couple different ones floating around.
*hugs everyone*
Ah, the Spork Room. And we've got everything here: high powered explosives to get rid of writer's block. Butterfly nets and baseball bats for hunting down plot bunnies. (Plot bunny: an idea that multiplies)
If you need me, I'll be in the giant walk-in freezer. I've got to keep my penguins happy. Anyone want some ice cream to celebrate the revival of the forums?
50,037 / 50,000
Sep 26, 2008 - 19 09
There are penguins here? Great :)
I am not ready for Nano. Granted, I wasn't ready last year or the year before either. I've got two vague ideas at the moment and a few that might want to be ideas, but I'm refusing to consider them.
50,081 / 50,000
Sep 26, 2008 - 19 25
*waves at everybody* I have a batch of Plot Water and Bunny-Gro to give away. Need any?
*retreats into laboratory*
0 / 50,000
Sep 26, 2008 - 19 50
can my penguins and i come into the refrigerator?
and, i brought a small stash of sporks, black sporks for summoning plot-ninjas when you are in the depths of writerly despair.
happy nano everybody!
13,629 / 50,000
Sep 26, 2008 - 20 08
Hi, everyone. Not new to NaNo but new to this thread, and I was lured in by cookies and shiny sporks.
50,114 / 50,000
Sep 26, 2008 - 20 34
Hello, irish one. Come on in! *feeds penguin a popsicle*
I'm debating. One plot idea involves the spy network, a pair of twins, and a dark sorcerer-ninja-spy (that's actually one of the heroes) going up against the vengeful former spy. (Complicated back story.) The other is about the knight guarding the ambassador who's on a mission his enemies will do anything to stop -- and I mean anything including assassination attempts, framing him for murder (the trial by combat comes to a halt when the "murder victim" shows up), and kidnapping his best friend. I've got other ideas too, but these are the two biggest contenders.
50,138 / 50,000
Sep 26, 2008 - 20 40
I definitely need a spork already! In order to prod a plot bunny or two out of hiding! :)
50,723 / 50,000
Sep 26, 2008 - 22 16
Can I have a wooden spork engraved with "Love you Eli" on it? Some pretty laurels in the engraving would be nice too... (Eli is my love that moved away in March...me still mourning)
50,279 / 50,000
Sep 26, 2008 - 23 49
Whee! Off to a good start! Figured I should get at least one post in here before it gets overwhelming! ;-) (Perhaps I should attempt to rediscover the lost art of the postzilla...)
*glomps people, waves to penguins, and snags some of that ice cream floating around* Hm, missing something... aha! *produces brownies, fudge, and various sundae toppings* There!
*still misses the smilies*
Oh, yeah... *hands mental midget a finely crafted wooden spork and an engraving kit* It'll mean more if you do it yourself, right? *hugs*
50,622 / 50,000
Sep 27, 2008 - 01 52
*waves* HI EVERYONE!!!
This thread grew so fast last year that I ended up only coming in here occasionally during NaNo. Since it's still technically off-season, I hope to remedy that!
This NaNo, for the first time in years, I will attempt a 50k story that has no sex/violence/slavery. ............ I'm already flailing all around about it! I have a faint plot with unicorns and dragons that I'm not sure will pan out, and another thought of doing a rewrite of an old story about bugs.
*snags a popsicle*
*sets out 4,000 bags of assorted chips* That should hold us for awhile, right? *also puts out same amount of punch*
My IC/IE/Muse/Etc are all a bit MIA right now...... have been for months. I hope they come back soon. *shiftylook*
Heather
200,472 / 50,000
Sep 27, 2008 - 03 03
This year, my nanos have sex, violence and slavery. I usually have the middle one, but not the outer two. And it'll be fade-to-black, does that count?
But yay slavery! It's heaps fun to write, well, plan.
*Wanders into the freezer* PENGUINS!
50,223 / 50,000
Sep 27, 2008 - 05 05
*tromps in bearing a tray of fresh hot drinks and bags of marshmallows* Get the fire pit ready, girls! It's nearly time to make s'mores!
I also didn't get in here very often last year, because I was trying to prod a very large large group of people into showing up for events they said they wanted but never came to.
This year, I have a much smaller group, though I'm not sure anything is quite official since I cant find an official ML list anywhere, just a form to fill out to send ...somewhere.
--ML of Warminster, if not Bucks County, Merrihart
50,068 / 50,000
Sep 27, 2008 - 05 49
Seeing the spork room back for another year makes today a good day. :D *hides any badness that may or may not have already happened today under rug* :look:
*leaves out pre-nano candy for all*
*wanders off to create book cover art*
50,037 / 50,000
Sep 27, 2008 - 06 01
I see no badness, Junkie.
::glomps everyone in the thread::
I'm trying to figure out if I want to do a massive rewrite (yay starting from zero again) or if I want to pursue a history/fantasy idea I got a few months back. The second has the potential to be shiny or the potential to bog me down in wanting to be accurate. (Though how having a faerie in a civil war brigade can be accurate in the first place is a bit questionable in the first place!)
::leaves out some cookies::
Does anyone know how I can get more than the previous reply to show when I post? It makes even thinking about postzillas tricky.
54,064 / 50,000
Sep 27, 2008 - 07 34
*trundles in clutching depressed muse and security blanket*
Is there room in here for Tim and me? And do you have any ice cream in the fridge to go with that nice, shiny spork?
I have a feeling we're going to be needing both.
2,052 / 50,000
Sep 27, 2008 - 08 08
I've never actually been in this thread before. Here's hoping I remember to use the forums at all this year.
Still have no idea what to do. I have about ten premises and no plot for any of them. I'm considering just ditching all my old stuff and doing something completely new, but right now the only thought I have is "I should kill someone off". Glargh.
200,472 / 50,000
Sep 27, 2008 - 09 08
Featherwitch has decided it hates me (*slaps it*) and I suddenly realised I barely know what to do for Othor'lin or Jocelyn.
AAAAAH!
... And I need a title for Othor'lin's story.
50,223 / 50,000
Sep 27, 2008 - 09 52
This is a test to see if my siggy is working yet. This is only a test...
Hey, purple elephants! :dash:
*peeks back in* apparently I have lost any computer skills I ever had. *sporks her siggy*
10,471 / 50,000
Sep 27, 2008 - 10 15
I only discovered this thread last year, but I followed the treats anyway. I can be lured most places by sugar. I have a feeling I am going to need this thread a lot. Are you allowed to spork exams too? I supposedly have mocks in november, but Nano gets priority...
*glomps to all and some of my chocolate chip cookies*
*blushes*
I thought I ought to bring something...
51,381 / 50,000
Sep 27, 2008 - 11 30
Hi all, I'm new to NaNo, so I thought that I'd come by here to see what it was all about :D Sounds great!
29,250 / 50,000
Sep 27, 2008 - 11 41
hi y'all. this will be a big help. any room for a few monkeys? they fly.... anyone want pumpkin roll? my mommy made it.
i have a box of sporks.... nano is almost here!!! yaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!
50,622 / 50,000
Sep 27, 2008 - 11 46
Postzillas are definitely trickier with the only one-post-in-reply thing, bogo, but it's still fun to try! *glomps!*
FLUFFY!! *tackles!* Heya you!! *giggles* And yes, slavery is fun. *ahem* Um, I mean, to write about.... *innocent look*
Hey merri! *hugsnugs!* Ohhhhh s'mores! *grabs a few mini-marshmallows* Oh, and the sigs don't work properly, STILL, as outlined in the bug forums.
Junkie! *sporks any and all badness that may or may not have happened*
*snuggles tashe_19* We don't just have ice cream, we have popsicles and frozen dairy treats and low-fat options and anything else you can imagine. Come on in and make yourself comfy!
Heeeeeyyy slatterly! *glomp!* .... Killing someone off is a good starting point, I think. lol
*snugs triplejs260 and gives special exam-sporks* Oh yes, there is always MUCH sporking of school and work in general. lol
*gives Jenna Christine the official Sporker Starter Kit (includes woobies, chocolate, tissues, tons of other stuff, and of course sporks)* Hello and welcome!!
*waves* Hi Emmy! *ducks* Oh, um, hello flying monkeys! lol
It's the weekend. Obviously my body knows that and is effectively squishing any and all plans I may have had, first by not allowing me to sleep at ALL last night, then by allowing me only small unfufilling dozes this morning. *sigh*
Heather
50,046 / 50,000
Sep 27, 2008 - 12 00
*wanders in with Jasper the Muse, and Madame Adeline, the Evil Inner Editor, who is being naggy*
Is there room for a few more? I've got Costco cake. *offers cake to everyone*
So, who's excited for another crazy November?
1,614 / 50,000
Sep 27, 2008 - 13 25
I've got my spork at the ready. It's a Light-My-Fire brand lexan spork, and it's red. I will not be parting with it under any circumstances.
0 / 50,000
Sep 27, 2008 - 13 54
Hiii! I came in briefly last year, but then I forgot you existed x3.
*Brandishes a Bag of Dried Strawberries.* For our collective nourishment!