Looking for bad elven pick-up lines.

"Want to hug my tree?"

When I read the title of this topic, I immediately thought of the following:

"Would you like to come over to my place so we can recite poetry together? *winkwink*"

Something a little more forward:

"I've got a love tree in my pants which is longing for some fertile soil, do you want to help me plant it?"

Doesn't entirely fit in with the nature loving scheme: My ears aren't the only long and pointy parts of my body!"

"Let me show you my secret garden."

LOL

"Hey baby. (All terrible pickup lines must start this way) Want to make some *real* magic?"

Also, see the Terrible Pickup Lines thread in Realism for ideas that you could probably adapt to Elves.

"Did it hurt?"
"Did what hurt?"
"When you fell out of the World Tree."

You lot have been both helpful and horrifying, and have easily trumped shooting an arrow into someone's quiver. I'm almost afraid to ask about the other thing I need, which would be elven porno titles.

To go properly oldschool you could always try:

"A star shines on the hour of our meeting ... in bed"

"I've got wood. Wanna see?"

"A millenium of experience starts with me."

"A millenium of mistakes starts with me."

"You know what they say of elvan ears and I have the biggest ears in this bar."

"You look unconfortable in those shoes you are wearing. Send a night with me and I will put some real curl into those toes."

"Hey baby, while other races may need to sleep, I can keep going all night."

Other than the dares thread, this is the best thread so far on the boards this year. :-D

Oh my. That one made me laugh so hard. A bad elven pick-up line for sure, but uhuh, I just can't stop laughing when I picture this in my mind... an elf proudly saying: "...and I have the biggest ears in this bar!" ...

I don't even write elves, I never write elves if it isn't fanfiction or something. But these damn forums almost make me want to. It's the ears, I guess. I don't want to write elves! I really don't want to!

.... Oh my. Maybe I am just too tired.

Providing they do NOT have a quiver of arrows with them or a bow. "My arrow needs a good bow to stretch on, did you want to help it?"

"The stars must have dropped you quickly so you could be in my arms"

For Female Elves:

"The weeds in my garden was recently removed... did you want to see it?"

I'm sorry, all I can really think about is a couple of days ago when I was shopping and I passed one of the guy clerks talking to a chick in the sunglasses department.
Awful pick-up guy: So uh...you're not from around here are you?
Chick: No.
Guy: Yeah cause I don't forget a pretty face like that easy, uhahaha...So yeah where ya from...Cave City?

That's when I wanted to scream: "You don't forget a pretty face? I don't forget a bad pick-up line!"

I'm really sorry but that's all I could think of. I can't think of anything helpful to tell you. You of course can delete this if you feel as if it's spam or something...I didn't mean it to be.

"Lord of the G-Strings."

This is an actual porn. Look on Amazon - if you dare.

Oh, no, don't worry, it's quite helpful. I'm creating [Cliche Elf City Name: Valioran Taldorias, the City of Silver Groves or whatever], the biggest center of sin and debauchery in the entire world, home of the elf porn empire, and I need all the bad lines I can get. None of my characters are quite elves yet, the closest I've got is a dwelf, but I expect them to be hit by a bunch of 'em.

I'm now deathly curious. I'm going to search for it later. Thus far, I've got titles like Nailin' Lothorian and the like, but none of them have that special porno flavor to them.

Oh crap... I could have gone without remembering that. World of Whorecraft is a porn series set in the Warcraft world. Elves are a big hit there. >_< *bleaches mind*

If it makes you feel better...or worse...what I'm aiming for is something like AD&D meets Sin City, as written by Terry Pratchett.

Funniest thread I've read so far.

I SO BADLY want to read your novel when you're done, Tyche. :P

~Merc, who has anti-elf issues, but whatever

Don't forget "World of Porncraft" and "Whores of Warcraft"! They are just as famous with the elves!

Pick Up: Thanks to LotR...
"Is that The One Ring in your pocket? 'Cause I can totally see my Tower in your Pants."

Porno: Yeah, it's crappy...
"Long-eared Tree Job"

"Want to see why they call me king of the Hollowed Caves?"

"Once you go elf, you never go back to yourself"

"I'm the Green Man. Wanna commune with nature?"

This thread is hilarious.

There's the old: "Do you have a flute in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

"Let's save timber and get warm the tree-friendly way."

Hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this thread!

'Fraid I can't think of any pick-up lines off the top of my head, but my fiance has a t-shirt that says "Lord of the Cockrings." Sounds like a decent porno to me.

Was a gift. It's offered much amusement. ^_^ Don't think he's worn it yet, though. At least not around people.

Here is a Elf porno name for you "Human Chicks, Elf D..ks".
"Aerian does the Great Stump".

Oh my god! This thread is awesome!

Here's a pick up line for you:

Female Elf: "Wanna put your arrow into my quiver?"

"I want to come visit your magical valley."

Of course you can add if the girl doesn't get it or pretends to.... "So I can mow through it."

"I want to bloom your flower."

"You had me at 'Suilan' (or whatever "hello, greetings, well met" etc. is in the local Elvish)."

"Are you partial to fresh fruit? How about a date?"

"Do you have a Palantir (mirror of seeing, scrying spell w/e) in your pocket? Because I can totally see myself in your pants."

I can totally see a female elf saying this: "I wanted to see your tree, not your stump."

You might find this site useful:

http://www.grey-company.org/Circle/language/phrase.htm

"You wait here. I'll bring the runes down." (a riff on Thurber's "You wait here, I'll bring the etchings down", which itself is a riff on the old pickup line, "Would you like to come up and see my etchings?")

"Is that a ten gallon quiver or are you just enjoying the show?"

"Vanimle sila tiri!" (Your beauty shines bright")

"Yee! Mani naa tanya?" ("Eek! What is that thing?") (Ok, maybe not a pickup line, but...)

"Your flet or mine?"

"The Lay of Tinuviel is long indeed. Yet I have wandered far, and learned many things, and so I can make your lay longer still."

"Come, walk with me under the stars for a while, and mmphfl!"

"They don't call me a wood-elf for nothing, Lady!" (compare with the bad Ent pick-up line, "They don't call me Quick Beam for nothing!")

"Would you like to know how I got to be a jolly old elf? By being a dirty old elf!"

"Darling, these cheeks have been slapped by Elbereth herself."