So, let's say that you have a death wish. A very violent death wish.
you are facing down a Utahraptor in a dark, abandoned factory.
This Utahraptor is employed as a courier. She is mostly brown and green with orange and white feathers on her head, elbows and tail. She stands a few feet taller than you, and has wicked sharp claws and teeth. She is smart and sarcastic, and has a taste for fish.
What could you say to earn her everlasting hatred and cause her to strive for revenge?
Bonus points if it is corny, clever or rips off of Monty Python.
----------
Nan07: Stradivarius' Legacy - WIN!
Nan08: Let's Dance - EPIC fail.
Nan09: Raptors and Rifles - on it's way to a win!
29,390 / 50,000
Nov 1, 2009 - 13 34
oh, and it would be best if the joke is a one-liner. And also, you have a french accent. What joke would provoke the utahraptor the most?
----------Nan07: Stradivarius' Legacy - WIN!
Nan08: Let's Dance - EPIC fail.
Nan09: Raptors and Rifles - on it's way to a win!
29,363 / 50,000
Nov 1, 2009 - 15 17
Why do you have those ugly claws there? Why aren't they on your feet?
Lame, I know, but trying to start it.
----------NaNo 2005: Legend of Jael (Won)
NaNo 2006: Diary in the Attic (Won)
NaNo 2007: Reel Smuggling (Won)
NaNo 2008: Those We Lost (Won)
NaNo 2009: Gee and Haw
1,364 / 50,000
Nov 1, 2009 - 15 46
I'm sorry, but I think I'm required by law to link you to Dinosaur Comics now.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php
28,075 / 50,000
Nov 1, 2009 - 15 48
Feathers? Really? You look like something they'd scrape off the bathroom floor at a gay bar.
it made me giggle.
-------------
284 / 50,000
Nov 1, 2009 - 15 54
HAH! I've seen bigger claws on an earthworm!
You call those teeth? I've seen better teeth on an Anklosaurus!
I could outrun you with both legs tied behind my back!
You go slower than molasses going uphill in January!
Your mother was a Plesiosaur, and your father was a rat!
(how do you like them apples?)
47,300 / 50,000
Nov 1, 2009 - 19 05
Your mother was a Plesiosaur, and your father was a rat!
Or he smelt of ... tar pits or something. :-P ----------
Read my last line of the night on Twitter: https://twitter.com/MuninnHrafn
47,300 / 50,000
Nov 1, 2009 - 19 14
On the parents theme, "So, how'd your dad take it when he realized your mom fooled around with a proto-chicken?"
----------Read my last line of the night on Twitter: https://twitter.com/MuninnHrafn
6,767 / 50,000
Nov 1, 2009 - 19 21
Call it a Velociraptor. Worked for the ones in Jurassic Park.
29,390 / 50,000
Nov 1, 2009 - 21 41
I FREAKING LOVE YOU ALL. <333
Now the hard part will be to choose which one I shall use... XD
----------Nan07: Stradivarius' Legacy - WIN!
Nan08: Let's Dance - EPIC fail.
Nan09: Raptors and Rifles - on it's way to a win!
2,033 / 50,000
Nov 2, 2009 - 02 20
Just my two cents.
"Oh shit...Extinction missed you...probably because you look like a rodent."
:/
46,115 / 50,000
Nov 2, 2009 - 02 40
"If the rest of you is anything like your breath, no wonder you're the last of your species."
>>; I'm terrible. And get into trouble waaaaay too easily.
52,604 / 50,000
Nov 2, 2009 - 05 12
Velociraptors are a different species:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Velociraptor
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utahraptor
See the difference in size? Yeah, I know which one I'D rather piss off...
PennyAnnaPieKin
----------4,599 / 50,000
Nov 3, 2009 - 03 58
Calling her "Chicken", get it?
Edit:
----------Not to forget the classic: "You son of a herbivore!"
7,379 / 50,000
Nov 2, 2009 - 08 16
'I knew there was something fishy about this delivery...'
'Utahraptor, eh? More like you-the-crap-'saur, amirite?'
'Hey, those feathers mean you can deliver intercontinental on your own? Because I'd hate to be sat next to you on a Ryanair flight.'
Erm... apparently my brain doesn't do jokes on a Monday.
72,811 / 50,000
Nov 2, 2009 - 09 17
"Wait, are you--? Oh, sorry, mistook you for a Lawn Flamingo."
"Oh, I heard the best one last week! You'll just DIE! So, a Utahraptor and a platypus walk into a bar, and--"
"Huh, you're kinda cute, but I thought they pulled all the plumage off before sending you to the store?"
"So, have you ever tried dipping yourself in dye and giving it away for free on Easter?"
"You know, I've always wondered, what came first, the chicken or the egg?"
----------Going for four novels? You bet!
Fiction: Boudicca Moon
Nonfiction: A Little Different
Fanfiction: Kazaana
Fanfiction: Stay the Wake
31,022 / 50,000
Nov 2, 2009 - 11 47
You could always go for the standard "Your momma wears army boots" although what that's supposed to mean is a total guess. It always got my classmates riled up back in the day.
----------2009 - Under Wicked Sky
2007 - Between the Moon and Watercolor Sky (Lost)
2006 - Man of Sand and Glass (Won!)
8,386 / 50,000
Nov 2, 2009 - 11 54
"Ohhhhh... Who's a cute little birdy..."
And being from Utah, I approve of the use of the Utahraptor.
----------Sodas Consumed (12 oz can): 0
One Liners: 0
Deaths: 10,000
Broken Weapons: 0
Random Objects Used as Weapons: 0
Times Mother's Wrath Has Been Brought Upon Me: Infinity and Counting
5,764 / 50,000
Nov 2, 2009 - 12 16
"Be a dear and scratch poppa's back, just a little to the left..."
----------NaNo 2006(win): "Children of the Stars"
NaNo 2007(win): "Darkness Falls"
NaNo 2008(win): "Dark Storm Rising"
30,108 / 50,000
Nov 3, 2009 - 08 52
Velociraptors are a different species:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Velociraptor
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utahraptor
See the difference in size? Yeah, I know which one I'D rather piss off...
PennyAnnaPieKin
That's why it's an insult ;)
----------"The world's a mess and I just...need to rule it."
2,418 / 50,000
Nov 3, 2009 - 09 01
"Are those dentures?"
----------23,628 / 50,000
Nov 3, 2009 - 09 15
"I bet you have a GREAT personality."
----------"No matter how much I think I've matured, I always end up back at five when I cry."
-- Gemma Doyle from _A Great and Terrible Beauty_ by Libba Bray
38,797 / 50,000
Nov 3, 2009 - 09 21
This is in the voice of my MC, Jaruka Teal, alien mercenary
"Awe, crap, my ex-girlfriend found me."
----------39,423 / 50,000
Nov 3, 2009 - 09 42
Call it a Utard.
(When a called a Salt Lake City friend a Utard, she called me a Rude Islander. Fair's fair.)
36,162 / 50,000
Nov 3, 2009 - 09 46
Play on Utah:
"So you're a utahraptor? Are you ... you know ... Mormon?"
"Karl Malone was overrated!"
Pythonesque:
"Well, I said 'something completely different.'"
"You call that an evisceration? That's a flesh wound!"
"I'll bite your legs off!"
Dinosaur humor:
"You miserable ... stinking ... Ovaraptor!"
Miscellaneous:
"Ummmmm ... hi."
Cheers,
----------B.
____
Sasquatch hunting should never be undertaken professionally.
29,087 / 50,000
Nov 3, 2009 - 09 47
Crap, the swallows aren't in today and the King must have these coconuts. I suppose I'll have to hollow them out for you.
Mage Master
I wonder, what is the migratory pattern of the Utahraptor?
53,716 / 50,000
Nov 3, 2009 - 09 53
'Mmm, nice skin,' reaches out and strokes it, 'I could do with a new handbag.'
71,019 / 50,000
Nov 3, 2009 - 10 01
OMG, this one made me laugh out loud. That's just hilarious! XD
I think I'd have to say....
"Ooooh, fishy fishy fishy fish! A-fish a-fish, a-fish, a-fishy, oooh."
----------2009:
25,121 / 50,000
Nov 3, 2009 - 10 04
Carnivore, eh? Je ne pense pas! I wave a green salad in your general direction!
55,199 / 50,000
Nov 3, 2009 - 10 13
Say nothing. Give the beast a withering look, then turn your back on her.
----------Write on!
Nicol Harrity IS Nan Hawthorne
www.nanhawthorne.com
18,000 / 50,000
Nov 3, 2009 - 10 14
Your mother was an oviraptor, and your father smelt of fry sauce!
Or "No green jello for YOU!"
Sigh.
I miss the Morrison formation.
----------NUMENOREANS: Oh hey, Middle-Earth!
GIL-GALAD: Dudes. Good to see you.
NUMENOREANS: Yeah, same here. What's going on?
GIL-GALAD: War with Sauron mostly.
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Shiny tall wonderful wise sea-king dudes! Yay!
1000 Word Silmarillion